


Downton's Scottish Dragon: Secrets Haunt Us

by Bremol



Series: Scottish Dragon Series [2]
Category: Downton Abbey
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-01-05
Updated: 2013-05-07
Packaged: 2017-11-23 20:35:08
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 12
Words: 42,516
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/626266
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Bremol/pseuds/Bremol
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>As Elsie Hughes continues to struggle with her fears, the secrets she keeps start to unravel all around her.  This story was nominated for the June 2013 Highclere Awards.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> So, here it is...the sequel to Downton's Scottish Dragon. The updates might be slow in coming, but I will update, and I will finish the story. And as an explanation, Mrs. Patmore is older than Mrs. Hughes. From the first time I saw her, she always seemed older. I did a bit of checking and the actress is the older of the two as well, so...it just worked in my favor. Now...I think that's all.

 

 

 

 

 

 

Charles stared at the clock on his bedside table, the hour telling him that for the second night in a row his bedtime visitor wasn’t coming.  For four days, Elsie had come into his room and settled in his bed, her body spooned to his, her hand holding his over her breast.  He closed his eyes as he thought about the feel of her warm body held so closely to him, the fullness of her breast a welcome weight in his hand.  But he’d never made a move to do more than she allowed, more than she asked with her simple gesture, though he’d longed to. 

Taking a deep breath, he caught the smell of her hair and sighed.  Dear God, what was wrong with her?  And why hadn’t she come to him the last two nights?  Then he answered his own question, his conscience poking him, making him remember how he’d snapped at her tonight and the night before.  How had he not noticed how she’d looked lost in the hall?  Or why hadn’t he realized when she’d snapped at him that it was more than her being overly tired?  How had he not noticed how she looked close to fainting in the kitchens?  Of course, later before they’d turned in for the night, he’d apologized, in his own way, and had asked if there was something wrong, that he knew he’d been crabby, that he hoped she knew he was on her side.  She’d told him thank you for it. 

She’d told him everything was fine.

“Bloody hell it is,” he grumbled as he rolled over, moving away from the side of his pillow that still bore the perfume of her hair.  “Foolish, stubborn woman.”  He closed his eyes and her face as it had been that day filled his mind.  She was pale, much more so than was normal for her.  Her eyes were cloudy and grey instead of their brilliant blue, the color he loved so much.  And there was a sad turn to her lips that seemed to pull them into a straight line all too often.

Sighing, he sat up and felt for the matches to light the candle beside his bed.  Slapping at his pillow as he leaned back against the headboard, he fidgeted with his hands.  He’d heard Elsie and Mrs. Patmore whispering at times and knew that they were talking about the reason they had gone to the village earlier in the day.  He’d thought he’d heard doctor mentioned in the whisperings and had wondered if Elsie had been to see the doctor about something.

“Since when are Mrs. Patmore and Elsie friends?” he grumbled as he stared at the ceiling.  Rolling his eyes, he gave up and threw back his covers.  Enough of this laying in bed when sleep was nowhere to be found. 

 

~*~

 

Elsie winced as she turned in her bed, tears soaking the side of the pillow she’d just turned from.  Sleep was being elusive again.  She had slept so easily the nights she’d gone to Charles’ room and curled up against him.  But since seeing the doctor for the procedure to draw the fluid from the cyst, she couldn’t go to her safe harbor.  His hand against her breast would hurt and he’d learn what she was so desperately trying to keep from him.  A knock on her door caused her to start and frown.

Wiping her face with the handkerchief that lay on her beside table, she slipped from her bed and walked to her door, opening it a crack.  “Yes?  Beryl?” she whispered when she focused enough to see who it was.

“Let me in.”  Mrs. Patmore whispered and gently pushed against the door.

Elsie sighed and let the woman in.  “What is it?”

“You.”  Mrs. Patmore answered as she studied her friend.  “You’ve been crying and you’re hurting.”

“I,” Elsie started to deny it then shrugged.  “It’s a bit sore and tender.  I keep forgetting and rolling over onto that side.”  She yawned then continued.  “Why are you up?  Shouldn’t you be asleep?”

Mrs. Patmore sat down on the chair across from Elsie’s bed.  “I couldn’t sleep.”  She looked at the younger woman.  “I was worried about my friend.”

Elsie sighed as she moved to sit on her bed.  “Friend.  Who would have thought?”

“Elsie,” the older said the name easily, a name she hadn’t used since the younger woman had been nothing more than a housemaid.  “We haven’t always fought.  There was a time when we actually got along quite well.  I remember those days.  I remember it all.”

“Beryl, I,” Elsie shook her head.  “I remember.”

“Then why won’t you tell him?”

“I can’t.  I don’t want him to hurt.”

Mrs. Patmore sighed and shook her head.  “You crazy stubborn woman.”

Elsie shrugged.  “I couldn’t bear it, Beryl.  It’s bad enough that I,” she stopped and shook her head.

Mrs. Patmore narrowed her eyes and studied her friend.  “Bad enough that you?  What?  That you’ve gone to him in the dead of night and slept in his arms?”

Elsie’s head jerked up and she blinked in surprise.  “How did you know?”

“Where else would you go when you are desperately in need of rest?  I only know of one place you’d be comfortable and feel safe enough.”

“I went to him before I came to you.”  Elsie confessed.

“But unlike with me, you didn’t tell him why.”  Mrs. Patmore shook her head once more.  “Go to him now.  You need sleep.”

Elsie shook her head.  “I can’t.  He’ll hurt me and not understand and that would force me to tell him.”

“Then if I stay here and watch over you, would you try to rest?”

“No.  I thank you for it, but it won’t work.”

Mrs. Patmore stood and nodded.  “I know but I had to try.”

“Thank you.”  Elsie whispered as she watched her friend slip quietly out the door.  Closing her eyes, she took a deep breath before opening them again and lighting the small lamp beside her bed.  She might as well get dressed and start her day.  Sleep wasn’t visiting her this night.

 

~*~

 

Blinking in surprise when he heard the familiar tinkling of her keys, Charles pulled his pocket watch out to see the time.  Frowning, he shook his head and tucked the watch back into place.  She shouldn’t be up and about.  She should be resting.

Tapping his pen against his desk, he contemplated getting up and going to her sitting room to ask her why she was up, but shook his head.  He had no right.  Not after the way he’d treated her over the last two days.  Even if he had half apologized.  He’d told her he was on her side, she knew how he felt.  She had come to him once on her own, she’d come to him again.

Opening the ledger sitting in from of him, he picked up his pen to begin adding the rest of the figures he’d left when he’d gone to bed.  His mind wandered and he scowled when he lost track of the count.  Starting once again, he found himself losing track when the sound of her keys passed by his door.  Where was she going?

“Mrs. Hughes?” he called as he opened the door and looked out at her.

Elsie started then turned and gave him a tired smile.  “I’m sorry to disturb you, Mr. Carson.  I was just going for a walk.”

“At this hour?  By yourself?”  Charles frowned and shook his head.  “I don’t think that’s wise.”  Seeing her scowl, he held up his hand.  “Would you mind company?  Maybe the cool fresh air would help clear my head so I can finish adding the figures in my ledger.”

Elsie nodded her head in acceptance.  “Even though I would be perfectly safe outside by myself, I don’t mind you joining me.”

“Let me just get my coat and hat.”

Elsie watched him disappear back into his pantry and took a deep breath to steady herself.  Why had she put her keys on her waist?  Damnable things were always giving her away.  Having him near her would only add to her stress.  All she wanted to do was throw herself into his arms, beg him to hold her and never let her go…something she couldn’t do without giving herself away.

“Mrs. Hughes.”  Carson said her name as he held out his arm, giving her a small smile when she blinked up at him in surprise.  “It’s only proper for a gentleman to offer his arm to a lady.”

“I’m far from a lady.”  Elsie murmured as she tucked her hand into his elbow.

“I’ll have none of that.”  Charles scolded softly as he closed the door quietly behind them.  “The only thing separating you from the ladies upstairs is pampering.  If we were to run away to a place where it’s not known who we work for, and were to dress you up in all the finery of the upper class, no one would question me when I called you Lady Elsie.”

Elsie swallowed the lump that had formed in her throat at his words.  Looking up at him, she smiled as she squeezed his arm.  “I do believe, Mr. Carson, that must be one of the sweetest things anyone has ever said to me.”

“I am only stating the truth, my dear Mrs. Hughes.”  Charles whispered as he lifted his hand to wipe away the tear that had rolled down her cheek.  “Won’t you tell me what’s wrong?”

Wiping hastily at the tears, Elsie sniffed and shook her head.  “The cold, Mr. Carson.  It’s only the cold.”


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I've changed how many years Elsie has been at Downton. It'll all make sense in the end, I promise.

 

 

 

Carson stopped at the sound coming from the room he’d just passed.  Turning back around, his eyebrows went up.  “My Lady?”

Lady Violet shook her head.  “I was merely making my way to my room for a bit of a lie down before tonight’s dinner.  It’s been a long day of planning.”

Carson nodded, his eyes going to the door of the room he’d come to a stop by.  Looking back at the woman in front of him, he waited for her dismissal.

“Go.”  Lady Violet pointed to the door, anxious as the butler was to find out what the noise was.

“Dear God.”  Carson breathed as he opened the door.  “Elsie!” he said her name without thought as he rushed to the prone figure on the floor.

Lady Violet blinked in concern as she moved into the room, not in the least bit shocked by the butler’s outburst.  “Can you carry her, Carson?”

Carson blinked up at the Dowager.  “I can.”

“Then take her to my room.”

“I can’t, My Lady.  I should take her to her room and call for the doctor.”  Carson argued in an uncustomary act of not doing as told by his employers.

“Carson, my room is on this floor, in this wing.  It makes no sense for you to have to carry her up to the attics.  Now, go on.  I’ll take care of calling for the doctor.”

Carson bit his lip then turned his attention back to Elsie.  Gently placing his arm beneath her, he gasped when her head turned and a deep gash showed at her temple, blood covering his jacket and shirt cuff.  “Alright,” he gave in finally.

Lady Violet nodded and hurried from the room as best she could, her walking stick thumping loudly in the quiet corridors.  She scowled as she stared down the stairs.  Oh that she was twenty years younger!

 

~*~

 

Dr. Clarkson looked up as he exited the room, a worried butler the first thing he saw as he closed the door.  “I’ve stitched up the gash and given her something for the pain.”  He scrubbed a hand over his face. 

Charles looked at Lady Violet, seeing the slight nod she gave him before asking the question weighing on his mind.  “Is this something to do with her visit to you this past week?”

“I can’t discuss this with you, Mr. Carson.”

Lady Violet rolled her eyes.  “And who would you discuss it with, then?”

“I beg your pardon, Your Ladyship, but I must keep my patient’s privacy.”

Lady Violet turned her attention to Carson.  “You must tell him, Carson.”

“But, My Lady, the promise.”

“He is sworn to secrecy,” she reminded.

Carson closed his eyes and swallowed.  “I have every right to know what is going on with Mrs. Hughes, Doctor,” he whispered, opening his eyes before continuing.  “Or have you some rule against discussing a woman’s condition with her husband?”

Richard Clarkson wasn’t a man easily surprised, too many years as a doctor and then all the years he’d spent in the military, but this.  This shocked him.  “Husband?”

Lady Violet rolled her eyes.  “Do you need an ear horn?”

In normal circumstances, Charles would have had to bite his lip to keep from smirking at the lady’s wit, but now he just raised an eyebrow at the stunned man before him.  “Yes.  Have been these past thirty-four years.”

“Thirty-four years?”  Dr. Clarkson blinked, surprised once again.

“Must you repeat everything the man says?”  Lady Violet frowned.  “Get on with the telling so the man can go into his wife.”

Charles looked toward the older woman, his eyes shining with the respect and fondness he’d always had for her.  “Thank you, My Lady.”

“She came to see me a few days ago.”  Dr. Clarkson began.  “She’d found a lump.  I did a cursory exam and decided that I would need to draw fluid to run tests.”

“Cancer?”  Charles whispered, his eyes pleading with the doctor to tell him it wasn’t.

“I don’t know.  The fluid wasn’t clear as I’d hoped.  I had to send it away for more testing.  I told Mrs. Hughes,” the man paused and frowned then corrected himself.  “Mrs. Carson, that she needed to take it easy, that she needed to rest as much as was possible.”

“But she hasn’t.”

“No, I’m afraid not.  Mr. Carson, your wife hasn’t been eating or sleeping.  I’ve noticed a considerable weight loss in just the last few days since I saw her the first time.  Her collapse is due to lack of nutrition and rest and I daresay, worry.  When she fell she must have hit her head on something.  We won’t know until she wakes if she has a concussion.  If she hasn’t woken within the next two hours, have someone send for me.”

Charles nodded and watched the doctor turn to leave.  “You’re not to tell what you’ve learned, Dr. Clarkson.  The only ones in this household that know of my marriage are her Ladyship and Mrs. Patmore.”

“I’m bound by my oath as a doctor, Mr. Carson.”

Lady Violet touched Charles’ arm.  “Go to her.”

“I have work to do, My Lady.”

“And you’ll return to your work after you’ve seen your wife.  When you have to leave, I’ll sit with her.”

“What if the family asks where you are?  What if someone needs her?”

“The men are out and the ladies are all having a lie down before dinner.  We won’t even have to explain the doctor’s visit.”

“Thank you, My Lady.”  Charles bowed a bit then turned and disappeared into the room that held his wife.

Lady Violet blinked at the tears forming in her eyes.  She and Carson had been through so much in the years he’d been a part of this house.  He’d always been her favorite.  Always standing by her side no matter what was happening.  The years he’d been gone had been terrible ones for her, not knowing where he was, what he was doing, how he was doing.  She couldn’t imagine how she’d have coped when her beloved husband was dying if Carson hadn’t been here. 

Somehow she’d always felt at ease with the man, enough so that she had let him see her in her weak moments, something that only her husband and son had ever been privy to.  She’d helped him and Mrs. Hughes all those years ago when they wished to marry and her husband had grumbled and groused that it just wasn’t done. 

Now, it was time to help them again.

 

~*~

 

Charles caressed Elsie’s cheek with a gentle hand, the other holding hers against his heart.  “My foolish lass,” he whispered.  Tracing her features, his thoughts turn back to the first time he saw her, the way her eyes drug him in until he was drowning in the blue depths of them.

_“Charles, I’d like you to meet the new housemaid, Elsie Hughes.  Elsie, this is Charles, our first footman.”  Mrs. Williams stopped him on the servant’s stairs._

_“Welcome to Downton.”  Charles smiled at the young woman._

_Elsie looked up at the man she’d been introduced to and returned his smile.  “Hello.”_

_Charles blinked.  Those eyes.  That accent.  He was staring, he knew that he was, but he couldn’t seem to regain his control and manners._

_“We’ll be getting on with the tour now.  Mr. Jerkyns was looking for you earlier.”_

_Charles shook his head and blinked then pulled his attention away from the new housemaid and turned it to the housekeeper.  “Yes, Mrs. Williams.  I was on my way to see him.”_

_“Be on with you then.”  The older woman shooed him away with her hand and shook her head.  The boy was infatuated._

_Charles’ thoughts were filled with Elsie all the way to the butler’s pantry.  As he walked he began to make plans of getting to know the Scottish lass better.  There was mystery in those eyes, a mystery he intended to solve._

Charles smiled as he came out of his memories.  He’d solved the mystery only a few months after he’d met Elsie.  Although he shuddered to think how it had come about.  Catching the overgrown footman attacking Elsie had enraged him in a manner he hadn’t been since he was a young adolescent being made fun of for his height.

_“Let her go!”  Charles shouted as he rounded the corner and caught sight of Timothy pressing a maid against the wall, his hands pushing up her skirts, face buried against her neck.  Reaching the crazed young man, Charles pulled him away, gasping in surprise when he saw just exactly who the maid was.  Glaring at the boy, he punched him and sent him sprawling across the floor.  “Mr. Jerkyns will be hearing of this,” he seethed, watching Timothy hastily stand to hurry down the hall and disappear._

_Turning his attention back to Elsie, his heart lurched at the sight of her huddled against the wall, her arms wrapped around herself to keep her torn dress together.  “Shh,” he soothed as he lifted her into his arms and cradled her against his chest.  “You’re safe now, my lass.  That sort of thing isn’t tolerated here, Timothy will be gone as soon as I’ve told Mr. Jerkyns.”_

_Face buried against her rescuer’s neck, Elsie shook as she sobbed.  She’d escaped this sort of thing when she’d left home.  Her step-father always taking an interest in her, beating her when she wouldn’t cooperate.  “Lass?” she managed to whisper as she calmed a bit._

_Charles smiled as he sat down, taking off his jacket and wrapping it around her before cuddling her close.  “Yes, lass.  My Scottish lass.”_

_“Yours?” she queried._

_“Mine,” he confirmed._

_Lifting his hand to her lips, she kissed the bruised knuckles.  “You’re hurt.”_

_“Not much, and it was well worth it.”_

_“Thank you.”_

_“You’re welcome.”  Charles tipped her head up and held her gaze.  “I’ll always protect you.”_

_Tears rolled down her cheek as she watched his promise flicker in his eyes.  “I’ve never had anyone to protect me but myself.”_

_Caressing away her tears with his thumb, Charles continued to hold her gaze.  “Has this happened before?”_

_Looking away from him, Elsie nodded.  “I left home because of it.”_

_“Dear god.”  Charles breathed and pulled her close.  “Your father?”_

_Elsie shook her head against his chest.  “No.  Da loved me.”_

_“Then who?”_

_“Step-father.”_

_“Why would your mother marry a man like that?  Or stay with him?”_

_“He provided food for the family.  And she didn’t know what he did to me.”_

_“Did he,”  Charles bit his lip, not able to continue._

_“Only once.  Most of the time my fighting would make him angry and he’d just beat me instead.  The night I ran away from home,” she paused and shuddered, her hands fisting in Charles’ shirt._

_“Shh.  No more.  No more memories.  I promise you’ll be safe here.  No one will hurt you again.”_

_“You’ll protect me when I can’t protect myself?”_

_“I promise.”_

Movement in the room brought Charles back out of his thoughts.  Looking up, he saw Lady Violet standing smiling at him.  “I was just remembering when she came to Downton.”

“I seem to remember a certain footman leaving about six months later with no reference.”

Charles scowled.  “He was never any good.”

“No,” she shook her head.  “He wasn’t.  From what I remember my maid telling me, after that incident, you and the new housemaid were nearly inseparable.”

“I made a promise to her.”  Charles whispered as he looked back down at his wife.  Reaching out, he gently turned her head so that he could pull the pins from her hair.  Placing the pins in his pocket, he stood with a sigh.  “I’ll be going about my business now.”

“I won’t leave her, Carson.  We may not be each other’s favorite person, but I promise you, I won’t leave her alone.”

“Thank you, My Lady.”  Charles pulled a chair close by and helped Lady Violet into it.  “I’ll be back as quickly as I possibly can.  I’ll have to think of something to explain Mrs. Hughes’ absence downstairs.”

“Tell them I’ve held her up to discuss the upcoming Spring cleaning at the Dower house.”

Charles shook his head with a chuckle.  “You have an answer for everything.”

Lady Violet smirked up at him.  “Haven’t I always?”

“Yes, My Lady.”

 

~*~

 

“Where is she?”  Mrs. Patmore asked as she corned Charles.

“Who?”

Glaring up at the man, she stepped a bit closer.  “Your wife, that’s who,” she hissed.

“Hush!”  Charles scowled as he looked around.  “Come into my pantry.”

Mrs. Patmore followed him in, tapping her foot as she waited for him to close the door.  “Well?  Now that there’s no fear of being heard, answer my question.  Where is she?”

Charles sighed, “She collapsed earlier.”

“Oh my god.”

“She hit her head.  The doctor was called and she’s resting now.”

Taking a good look at the man before her, Mrs. Patmore noticed the state of his shirt.  “Has anyone seen you?”

“No.  I came down here after I left her.  Why?”

“You’ve blood on your shirt.”

Charles’ hands shook as he looked at himself in the mirror hanging on the wall.  “Elsie,” he whispered.  Feeling a hand on his arm, he looked down at his friend.  “I know the truth.”

Mrs. Patmore nodded.  “So you told the doctor who you are, then.”

“I had to.  He wouldn’t tell me anything.”

“I’m glad.  I’ve tried to get her to tell you.”

“Why wouldn’t she?”

“Because she didn’t want you to hurt.  She still loves you, you fool.”  Mrs. Patmore knew that if anyone had heard her call Carson a fool, they would have expected an angry outburst, but she had known the man long before he was butler of Downton.  She’d known him since his childhood and they’d always been friends even though it didn’t often show.  He _was_ a fool.  He _and_ his stubborn Scottish wife.

“And I love her.  I never stopped.  So many things,” he whispered.

“Yes.  Many more things than most couples go through, but don’t let your second chance go.”  Her eyes watered.  “She could be dying.”

“She can’t,” his voice cracked.

Gripping his arm, Mrs. Patmore held his gaze.  “And we’ll be praying she doesn’t, but for now, until we know…she has to come first.”

“The house,” he started, stopping when she squeezed his arm and shook her head.

“No.  Elsie.  Let Thomas and Anna handle things.  I know that you don’t like Thomas, I don’t care for the man, myself, but like it or not, he knows the job.  He can take care of dinner just as well as you.”

Closing his eyes, Charles nodded.  “Our secret is going to come out.”

“Sure as the day is long.  But His Lordship is a good man, and he’s always been fond of you.  He’ll not be turning you out.”  Smirking, she chuckled, “Not that the Dowager would let him.”

Charles chuckled and nodded.  “Thank you.  Now, can you spare the time to get a few things from Elsie’s room?  The secret will come out, but I’d rather it wait a while longer.”

“I’ll get what she needs and bring it to you as well as a tray with tea and a bit of soup.”

“I appreciate it, Mrs. Patmore.”

Mrs. Patmore nodded.  “I’ll have Anna find Thomas and send him in.  And don’t forget to change your shirt.”

“Thank you.”  Charles told her just before she closed the door behind her.  Crossing the room to his desk, he sat down heavily in his chair.  Pulling the objects that were always hidden in his watch pocket out, he stared at the golden bands tied together with a blue ribbon.  Caressing the smallest one with his thumb, he felt the heartbreak of finding it on his dresser, all over again.

How was he going to survive losing her to death when he’d barely survived losing her to circumstance?


	3. Chapter 3

Elsie’s eyes slowly fluttered open and she blinked in surprise at the sight that greeted her.  “Mr. Carson?” she whispered.

Charles sat up, groaning at the pain in his neck brought about by the position he’d fallen asleep in.  “Elsie,” he breathed as he smiled at her.  “I was beginning to worry.  We all were.”

“Why am I in the Dowager’s room?”

Charles rolled his eyes and shook his head.  “Ever the housekeeper.  Just waking up from a fall and knowing exactly what room you are in.”

Elsie scowled at him.  “Why am I in her room?” she asked again then frowned.  “Fall?”

Charles moved from the chair he was sitting in to the side of the bed.  “Yes, fall.  You scared me, Lass.”

Elsie blinked in surprise at the use of the nickname.  He hadn’t called her that in too many years to think about.  Then she realized he’d called her by her given name before that.  “Charles?” she questioned as she stared up at him, studying the eyes that watched her.  “You know,” she breathed.  “Oh god.”  Her lipped trembled.  “I didn’t want you to know.  I’m so sorry.”

Charles was startled.  “Why are you apologizing, Elsie?  And why didn’t you want me to know?” his voice was low, his tone gentle.

Elsie could see the hurt in his eyes and turned her head away.  “I see the hurt in your eyes.  That’s,” she bit her lip before continuing.  “We haven’t been anything more than Mrs. Hughes and Mr. Carson for years.  I caused you enough hurt in the past, I,” she shook her head and winced.

“Easy.  When you fell you hit your head.”  Charles told her as he gently turned her face back to his.  “We caused each other those hurts, Elsie.  We are both responsible for the breaking of our marriage.  Just because we’ve been Mrs. Hughes and Mr. Carson, doesn’t mean that Charles doesn’t still love Elsie.”  His thumb gently caressed her cheek.  “Mrs. Patmore told me that you didn’t tell me because you didn’t want me to hurt.”

“Then why ask me?”

“Because I wanted to hear you say it.  Because,” his voice caught, a tear tracking down his cheek.  “Because I wanted to be sure that you do still love me.”

“I never stopped,” she whispered, lifting a shaking hand to catch a tear with her thumb.

“Where is the lump?” he asked quietly.

Elsie swallowed and looked down.  “Think of where I always held your hand when I came to you.”

Charles felt his blood run cold even as his hand reached out to rest on her chest, his thumb barely resting on the swell of her breast, unsure of whether or not he would hurt her.  He remembered hearing the ladies upstairs speaking of a friend that had breast cancer and the surgery and what she’d gone through, how she’d become a recluse and shut herself away from everyone including her husband and children.  “Oh Lass,” he breathed.

“I’m waiting for the answer.”

“I know.  Dr. Clarkson told me.”

“The doctor told you?  But,” she paused as the answer became clear.  “You told him about us.”

“I had to.  He wouldn’t tell me anything other than that he’d stitched up the gash in your head.  I needed to know why you had collapsed.”  Holding her hand to his lips, he pressed a kiss to the back.  “You’ve not been eating or sleeping.”

“I slept those nights I came to you.”

“That’s why you came, then.”

“I needed to sleep and the fear of what I was facing kept me from it.  You were always my safe harbor.  You promised, and you kept it.”

“Not always.”

“Because I wouldn’t let you.”

“Shh, no more.”

“But we need to talk about it.  I don’t want to,” she squeezed his hand.  “I don’t want to die with it all still between us.”

“Oh please don’t talk like that,” he begged.

“We have to face it.”  Elsie yawned, her eyes closing.  “We have to,” she sighed as she drifted off.

Laying her hand on the bed, Charles stood and placed a light kiss on her forehead.  “I love you, Elsie Carson.”

 

~*~

 

“What is this we hear about Mrs. Hughes being absent from her work?”  Cora asked Charles.  “And why were you absent from luncheon and dinner?”

It took all of his willpower to keep from rolling his eyes and scowling, but Charles managed.  “Mrs. Hughes,” he started then looked at the Dowager.  “I can’t lie, My Lady.  It’s of no use.”

Lady Violet nodded.  “Always a squeaky mouse about.”

“Mama, what are you talking about?”  Robert frowned at his mother.

“I’m talking about O’Brien.  I’m sure that’s where your information comes from.”

Cora scowled at her mother-in-law.  “How dare you accuse my maid of,”

Lady Violet interrupted, “Of what, my dear?  Of trying to cause trouble?”

“Enough!”  Robert growled.  “Carson, what’s this about lying?  What have you to lie about?”

Carson, standing as straight as always, kept his gaze fixed on a point across the room.  “I was going to say that Mrs. Hughes was busy, had been kept busy by Her Ladyship discussing Spring Cleaning of the Dower house.”

“But that isn’t where Mrs. Hughes has been all day?”  Robert asked to prompt his butler to go on.

“No, Your Lordship, it is not.”

Robert huffed in frustration.  “Well get on with it, man!  Answer the questions.”

“Robert.”  Lady Violet scolded.

“I’m sorry, My Lord.”  Charles took a deep breath.  “Mrs. Hughes is ill.  She collapsed earlier and was injured in the fall.  Dr. Clarkson was called to see to her and ordered rest.  I’ve been with her most of the day.”

Cora raised an eyebrow at that.  “You?  In the women’s quarters?”

“No, My Lady.  Mrs. Hughes is not in her room.”

It was Robert’s turn to raise an eyebrow.  “Surely she isn’t in yours.”

Lady Violet rolled her eyes and shook her head and answered with, “No, she isn’t.  She’s in mine.”  Which earned two very startled stares.

“Mama?”  Robert questioned.  “Why is she in yours?”

“Because it was closer.  There was no need for Carson to go carrying the woman up to the attics.”

“Carson carried her?”  Cora asked, a bit of a higher pitch to her voice.

Charles sighed, “I couldn’t leave her lying on the floor.”

“Where was she?”

“In the red room, My Lady.  I believe she was doing her rounds.”

“Then why not just put her in the bed in that room?”  Robert asked, clearly still frustrated.

“Because I told him to take her to my room so she wouldn’t be found or bothered.”  Lady Violet once again answered a question directed at Carson.

Robert shook his head.  “Carson, what aren’t you saying?”

“Mrs. Hughes is not Mrs. Hughes.  She’s Mrs. Carson, My Lord.”

Cora looked at Robert who was as stunned as she then turned to look at her mother-in-law, sure that she’d find the same expression.  Narrowing her eyes when she didn’t see what she’d expected, she thought for a moment.  “You know,” she accused.

“Haven’t I told you once before that I know everything?”  Lady Violet told her, not in the least bit fazed by the glare she was receiving.

Charles bit his lip to keep from chuckling.  God bless the Dowager.  “Her Ladyship has always known.  She’s the reason Mrs. Carson and I were able to marry and not leave Downton.”

“Wait,” Robert held up his hand.  “How long have you been married?”

“Thirty-four years, My Lord.”

“Thirty-four years!”  Robert nearly shouted.  “And how is it that I never knew?”

“You were at Oxford, My Lord.”

“I still don’t understand how it’s been kept a secret for all of these,” Robert stopped and frowned.  “Wait.  Mrs. Hughes,” he frowned and corrected himself.  “Mrs. Carson.  Mrs. Carson has only been at Downton for eighteen years.”

“This time, My Lord.  She left and was gone for several years before coming back.”

“How do I not remember her being here?”

Lady Violet shook her head.  “My darling boy, you were young and busy with your schooling.  And, you’re not always the most observant man when it comes to the goings on in your household.”

“Mama.”  Robert scowled at his mother.

“I’m merely stating facts, my boy.”

Robert rolled his eyes and shook his head.  “Carry on with your explanation, Carson.  If the two of you were married, why did she leave?”

Carson looked down at his shoes.  “I’d rather not say, My Lord.”

Robert blinked and started to demand the answer but caught the look his mother was giving him and stopped himself.  His mother obviously knew and he’d learn the truth from her.  “You were gone yourself for a number of years.  Did you follow her?”

“No, My Lord.  We were apart until she returned to Downton.  Even then we were nothing more than two people working in the same household.”

“Oh, Carson.”  Cora shook her head.  “You’ve been more than that.  We’ve all seen it.”

“Friends, My Lady.  Nothing more than friends.  We’ve been married in name only for all of the years since she left.”

“Carson.”  Lady Violet said his name to get his attention.  Holding his gaze when he looked at her, she gave him a slight smile.  “You’re dismissed.  I’ll take care of the rest.  I believe you have a wife that needs you.”

“Thank you, My Lady.”  Carson bowed slightly and left, thankful for the older woman’s continued support of him.  The questions were getting too close to something that still haunted him at night when things were dark and quiet.

Robert waited until the door was closed then turned on his mother.  “Out with it.”

“I’ll not be telling you what Carson kept to himself.  That’s his truth and his alone.”  Lady Violet gave her son a look that brooked no arguments.  “I will tell you that I will fight you if you make them leave.”

“Why would I make them leave?  If Papa let them marry, I see no need to punish them for it.  I’m merely surprised by it all.”

Cora rolled her shoulders.  “I’m sure your father didn’t have much choice in the matter,” she mumbled.

“No, my dear, he didn’t.”  Lady Violet answered, having heard her daughter-in-law.  “Carson and Hughes were always very loyal workers.  Their relationship had no affect on the jobs they performed.  As a matter of fact, it only seemed to make them better.  I saw nothing wrong with letting our head housemaid marry our first footman.  Robert’s father argued that it wasn’t done, that servants weren’t to be involved, but I made him see that rule was archaic and that they weren’t marrying someone not on equal footing within the household.”

“But it did affect their work.”  Cora reminded.  “They both left.”

“Yes, they did.”  Lady Violet answered as she stood.  “Heartbreak can do that.”

Robert watched his mother leave and looked to his wife.  “Heartbreak?”

“I have no idea,” she answered with a shrug of her shoulders.  “And if Mama won’t tell us, I don’t know who will.”

“The only other person who’s been in the household as long as Carson and Hughes is Mrs. Patmore.”

Cora’s face lit up.  “Then we’ll simply have to see if we can get the answer from our cook.”

Robert shook his head.  “It won’t work.  Mrs. Patmore won’t give out information any easier than Carson or Mama.”

“I’m sure I can think of a way.”

“Cora.”  Robert warned, knowing it had gone in one ear and out the other.

 

~*~

 

“Mr. Carson?”  Anna called as she caught a glimpse of him rounding the corner making his way toward his pantry.

“Yes, Anna?”  Charles stopped and smiled tiredly at the young woman.

“Is it true?” she asked.

“Is what true?”

“That Mrs. Hughes is really Mrs. Carson.”

Charles sighed and nodded.  “Yes, it is, Anna.”  Of course the truth had already spread through the house like a fire.

Anna smiled.  “I always knew there was something between the two of you.”

“It’s only been friendship for many years now, Anna.  We’ve not kept our marriage a secret, there just simply wasn’t a marriage.”

Anna’s smile fell, her eyes welling as she moved closer, her hand reaching out to touch Charles’ arm.  “But, Mr. Carson,” she started then bit her lip, a gesture she didn’t realize mimicked that of the lady they were speaking of.

“You’re very much like her, you know.”  Charles patted the hand on his arm.  “She’s proud of you.”

Anna sniffed and swallowed back her tears.  “This explains so much.”

Charles knew what she was talking about and nodded.  “She didn’t want what happened with us, to happen with you and Mr. Bates.”

“Is she alright?  I heard that she fell.”

Taking a deep breath, Charles looked away from the young woman.  “She hit her head and has a nasty gash, but that will heal in time.”

Anna cocked her head.  “Mr. Carson?” she asked, hearing something in his voice that made her think he wasn’t telling her everything.  “I promise not to say anything to anyone else.”

Charles swallowed, his voice low as he answered, “She may be dying, Anna.”

Her breath catching in her throat, Anna covered her mouth to stop the cry that tried to escape.  “Oh Mr. Carson, no.”

“We’re waiting for the test results.  It’s going to be a long two months.”  Looking back at the young woman he knew he could trust, Charles reached out and took her hand.  “You have to help me, Anna.  She has to rest.  I’m sure you’ve noticed how pale and tired she’s been.”

“We all have.  The maids have all been wondering what’s wrong with her.”  Anna shook her head.  “I should have known something was wrong when I saw her handing Mrs. Patmore the key to the store cupboard.”

“I missed hearing about that.”

“Because Daisy and I were the only ones to witness it and I made Daisy promise not to say anything.”

“Were they arguing?”

Anna shook her head.  “That’s what was so puzzling to Daisy and I.  Mrs. Patmore hadn’t asked for the key.  Mrs. Hughes,” she paused.  “Mrs. Carson,” she started again, a small smile on her lips.  “Mrs. Carson just came into the kitchen and asked Mrs. Patmore to hold out her hand.  Mrs. Patmore did but she had a puzzled look on her face.  I heard her breath catch when the key was pressed in her hand and Mrs. Carson closed her fingers over it.  I thought I caught a glimpse of tears in Mrs. Patmore’s eyes, but I told myself I was imaging things.”  Looking up at the butler, she studied his expression.  “I wasn’t, though, was I?  Mrs. Hughes and Mrs. Patmore haven’t been fighting and seem to have become close.  I remember what happened in the kitchen the night of the crazy dinner.  Mrs. Patmore was trying to stand up for Mrs. Carson.”

“They were friends years ago and Mrs. Carson turned to Mrs. Patmore for support when she realized she was sick.”  Charles swallowed around the lump that had formed in his throat.  “Mrs. Carson is trying to see to things before,” but he couldn’t finish.

“Oh Mr. Carson.”  Anna’s voice broke, her lips trembling as tears rolled down her cheeks.

“Go find Mr. Bates, Anna.  Spend a bit of time with him.”  Charles watched the young woman turn and head down the hall, his heart breaking for all of the wasted years he and Elsie had spent apart.  “At least Anna and Mr. Bates have time.”

 

~*~

 

Lady Violet scowled at the object sitting on the table.  Oh how she hated this thing, but it was the only way to get what she wanted quickly.  Taking a deep breath, she picked it up, lifting the receiver to her ear.  Telling the operator the information needed, she waited to be connected.  “Shrimpie?” she asked.  Hearing the confirmation that she was indeed talking to him, she closed her eyes.  “It’s time,” she whispered.  “Yes, I’m sure.  The secrets are falling apart.  She may be dying.”  She swallowed.  “You know what to do.”

Staring once again at the telephone she’d placed back on the table, Lady Violet wondered if Carson would ever forgive her for what she’d done.  He’d been at times like a second son to her.  At times he’d been her confidante when she was fretting and unwilling to let anyone see her in such a state, not even her maid.  Carson had been so many things to her over the years, always protecting her without even realizing it. 

What she’d done, she’d done out of her affection for his loyalty, and yes…proper or not…his friendship. 

What she’d done had caused Elsie Carson to hate her.


	4. Chapter 4

Charles watched Elsie fidget as she stood staring out the windows of their room.  Once she’d been cleared by Dr. Clarkson to be up and about, the family had given them a room in the unused wing of the house.  Of course Elsie had protested, but he’d quietly talked her into it, telling her that it would give them the chance they needed to talk about things, to hopefully put their marriage back together.

“Elsie,” he whispered her name but she didn’t respond.  Walking closer to her, Charles saw the far away look in her eyes and realized she was lost somewhere in her memories.

_“I’m leaving, Charles.”_

_Charles blinked in surprise as he looked up from his work.  “What?”_

_“I said I’m leaving.”  Elsie’s lip trembled.  “I can’t stay here.  I,” she bit her lip to stop the trembling, to stop her voice from breaking.  “We’re broken, Charles.  You ignore me.  When I need you, you aren’t there.  You’re always busy with something or the other about this place.  You aren’t the only one that lost a dream,” she whispered._

_“Elsie, I,” he took a deep breath.  “Maybe going to visit your sister would be a good thing for you.  It’s been a long time since you’ve been home.  Once you’ve had some time away, maybe it will be easier for you here.”_

_Elsie shook her head, her heart breaking, tears rolling down her cheeks.  “You don’t understand, Charles.  I’m not coming back.”_

_“Elsie, how can you,” he started then moved to stand in front of her, his hands on her shoulders.  “I don’t understand.”_

_“That’s just it.  You don’t try to understand.  You’ve lost yourself in this,” she made an arc with her hand to indicate the house around them.  “The family have become more important to you.”  She scowled.  “Lady Mary is more important to you.”  Her voice broke as she pulled away from him.  Her hand on the doorknob, she turned to look up at him, tears rolling unchecked down her cheeks.  “She isn’t yours.”_

_Charles’ heart constricted at the pain he felt from her parting words.  Too heartbroken to move, he watched as she walked out of his view, out of his life._

“Elsie.”  Charles said her name again when her tears began to fall.

Elsie blinked and looked up at him.  “Charles?  How long have you been here?”

“Only a few moments.  What is it?”

“Just remembering,” she whispered and turned away from him.

Sighing, Charles gently turned her back.  “May I hold you?”

Moving into his arms, Elsie rested her head against his chest, her tears coming faster now.  “I’m so sorry for the way I hurt you.  I shouldn’t have run away like a coward.”

“We were hurting, Elsie, and neither of us knew how to deal with it.”  Charles rubbed her back gently.  “We lost a child that we’d never expected to have.  I turned to my work and held my emotions back when I should have mourned the loss and grieved with you.”

“Charles,” she whispered.

“What, Lass?”

“There’s something that I need to tell you.  Something that happened while I was away from Downton.”

“Go on then,” he encouraged, carefully tightening his arms around her.

“I,” she started only to be interrupted by a knock on their door.

“Who in the world?”  Charles growled in frustration.

Elsie pulled away and shook her head.  “Go on.”

Charles took a deep breath and walked across the room to answer the door.  “Yes, Mr. Barrow?”

“The Dowager Countess asked me to find you and ask you to come to the library.  You and Mrs. Carson.”

Charles raised an eyebrow.  “Thank you, Mr. Barrow.  We’ll be down shortly.”  Closing the door, he turned to look at Elsie.

“What in the world does she want with me?”  Elsie scowled.  The last person she wanted to see right now was the old bat.

“She’s been on our side, Elsie.  She’s the reason you were in her room.  She stood up for us.”

Elsie shook her head.  “You don’t know,” she breathed.  “Let’s just go and see what she wants.”

Holding out his hand, Charles smiled when she took it.  “We can hold hands now.  No one will care.”

Elsie, ever thankful that her husband had a knack for knowing when she wanted to ignore something, smiled at him and squeezed his hand.  “It will take some time to remember.”

“Just as it’s going to take everyone a little while to remember to call you Mrs. Carson.”  He winked at her.  “Come along now.  We mustn’t keep Her Ladyship waiting.”

 

~*~

 

Elsie stared at the young woman standing facing them.  “Elisabeth,” she breathed then looked to the Dowager.  “What have you done?”

Lady Violet held Elsie’s gaze, blue eyes boring into blue.  “I’ve done nothing.  She’s always known who you are.”

Elsie blinked in surprise.  “What do you mean?  She can’t possibly know me.”

“Mama.”  Elisabeth said the name, her voice lilting much as her mother’s.

Charles blinked in surprise.  “Elsie?”  The young woman was a mirror image of his wife, so much so that it was almost frightening.  “Who is she?”

Shaking, Elsie moved closer to the young woman.  With a trembling hand she reached out to touch her cheek.  “My baby.”

Elisabeth threw her arms around Elsie, her face buried in her neck.  “It is you,” she whispered.  “I remember the smell of you.”

Elsie held her close.  “How?  You were a wee babe.”

“I was three.”  Elisabeth pulled back.  “Your scent has never left me.  I’ve always remembered and tried for so long to find what it was.  The people that raised me and took care of me made sure that I knew they weren’t my parents.  I’ve never called anyone but you my mother.” 

“Elsie?”  Charles asked again.  “Please tell me what’s going on.”

Turning, Elsie held out her hand to him.  “Come,” she told him, her voice soft.  “Meet your daughter.”

Moving on shaking legs, Charles took his wife’s hand and stood staring down at the young woman.  “Daughter?” he asked.  “You named her after my mother.”

“I did.”  Elsie smiled up at him.

“But I don’t understand, Elsie.  Our child was lost.”

“One child was lost.”

“What?”

“Twins, Charles.  I didn’t know.  The doctor didn’t know.  I was sick and my sister sent for their doctor.  You can imagine my surprise.  He explained that Elisabeth was a fighter to have survived the miscarriage of her twin.”

Charles shook his head to clear the thoughts swirling in his mind.  “Why didn’t you come home?”

“I couldn’t.  Things were so bad between us when I left.”

“But we could have fixed them.”

“We might have.  But would it have only been for our child?  I didn’t want that.  I wanted you to,” she looked away.  “I wanted my old Charles back.”

Tugging gently on her hand, Charles smiled.  “He’s slowly coming back.”

Elisabeth sniffed and wiped at her tears.  “I never thought I would meet you, Papa.”

“I’m very happy you’ve had the chance.”  Charles smiled at her.  “You’ve grown up in Scotland.”

“Yes.”

“I made sure of that.”  Lady Violet told them.

Charles looked up at her, having forgotten that she was there.  “Why, My Lady?”

“What do you mean, you made sure of it?”  Elsie asked before Lady Violet could answer Charles’ question.

“Just what I said.  I made sure your daughter was sent to live with a family in Scotland that would take care of her, but not want to adopt her.  She is, and always has been, Elisabeth Carson.”

“But why, My Lady?”  Elsie asked, not understanding why the woman would do such a thing.  “And why have you let me hate you all these years?”

“Why did I make sure your daughter never thought of anyone else but you as her mother?  Because she’s Carson’s daughter.  Why did I let you hate me?”  Lady Violet held Elsie’s gaze unwavering.  “Because your hate made you strong.”  Looking at Charles, she titled her head toward the girl.  “I’ll be going.  Why don’t you take your family to the gardens?  The rooms have ears.”

“Thank you, My Lady.”  Charles bowed slightly before turning his attention back to his family.  “Come along.”

Elsie took Elisabeth’s hand as they followed Charles out of the room.  “You’re beautiful,” she whispered as they made their way through the library doors that led out to the gardens.  “We don’t usually go this way to the gardens.”

“No, we don’t.”  Charles smiled as he took Elsie’s hand.  “But our daughter has been raised as a lady, and a lady shouldn’t be going through the servant’s exit.”

“Please.”  Elisabeth pleaded as they stopped by a bench.  “I’m not better than you.  Don’t treat me that way.  You aren’t servants.  You’re my parents.”

Elsie sat down and patted the bench beside her.  “But we are servants, Elisabeth.”

“Beth.  I prefer Beth.”

Elsie smiled and nodded.  “Beth it is then.”

Charles squeezed Elsie’s hand.  “Tell me why you gave our daughter up.”

“I never intended to.  I left my sister’s to find work and to get away from her husband who had a strong dislike for me.  He wasn’t appreciative of a woman that appeared to be single suddenly finding out she’s with child.  I found a wonderful family that had no problems with me being in the situation that I was and took me on as their housekeeper.  It was a small home so it was easy work.  When Beth was three, I grew ill.  I was so ill they thought I wouldn’t survive, were told by the family doctor that I wouldn’t.  The family knew nothing of my sister, because I’d not been in contact with her since I’d left her home, but they somehow found your name.  They sent word to Downton.”

“I never,” Charles started then stopped and shook his head.  “Oh.”

“Oh?”  Elsie looked at him incredulously.  “Why didn’t you come?  Why did you let them give our child away?  Why did you let her take our child?”

“I didn’t know, Elsie.  I never got word that you were ill, that there was a child.  I’d left Downton by then.  I didn’t let her do anything.”

Elsie blinked, finally putting the pieces together.  “So that’s why she sent the Marquess of Flintshire.”

“What?”

“Uncle Shrimpie.”  Elisabeth smiled at her father.

“Uncle Shrimpie?”  Elsie looked at her daughter with an arched eyebrow.

Elisabeth nodded.  “His sister and brother-in-law are who raised me.  That’s how the Dowager Countess was able to make sure I was taken care of without the family expecting me to belong to them.”

Elsie tucked a wayward curl behind her daughter’s ear.  “I believe I have some apologizing to do.  It seems I’ve hated the Dowager all these years for nothing.”  Her lip trembled.  “She took care of my baby and made sure she knew me.”

Charles squeezed her hand.  “I’ve always tried to tell you she wasn’t an old bat.”  He winked when Elsie looked at him with a scowl.

Elisabeth giggled and snuggled against her mother.  “I know I’m a grown woman, but,” she took a long sniff of Elsie’s neck.  “I can’t seem to stop doing that.”

Elsie smiled as she turned her head and pressed a kiss to the young woman’s hair.  “I think allowances can be made.”

“There’s someone I want the two of you to meet.”  Elisabeth informed them a few moments later.

“Oh?”  Elsie queried, looking up at Charles in surprise.

“Yes.”  Elisabeth nodded as she lifted her head from Elsie’s shoulder.  “Funnily enough,” she grinned at her father.  “His name is Charles.”

“Am I to understand that my daughter has a suitor?”

“A husband, Papa.”

Elsie blinked in surprise.  “Then where is he, my dear?  We didn’t leave him behind in the house, did we?”

Elisabeth shook her head and laughed, “No, Mama.  He’s not here.  I left him in London.”

Charles watched the young woman’s eyes twinkle and got lost in the blue, just like he’d always done with her mother.  “You didn’t want to scare us, I suppose.”

“Nothing of the sort.”  Elisabeth denied.  “I merely wanted you all to myself.”

Elsie watched her fight a yawn.  “Tired, my darling?”

Elisabeth smiled at the endearment and nodded.  “I couldn’t sleep a wink last night.  I was too excited.”

“Beth?”

“Yes, Papa?”

“Why have you waited all these years if you knew who and where we were?”

“I only knew who, not where.”  Elisabeth held her parent’s gazes.  “Uncle Shrimpie told me that I was never supposed to be with the family as long as I was.  Her Ladyship was sure that it would only be a matter of time once you and mother came back to Downton.”

“She was sure we’d come back?”  Elsie asked.  “I suppose she could have been sure about Charles, after all the years he had been here, but me?  Why was she so sure I’d come back?”

“I don’t know, Mama.  But,” Elisabeth bit her lip.

“What is it?”  Elsie asked, almost sure she knew what the question was.

“Why didn’t you come for me when you were well?”  Elisabeth asked, tears filling her eyes.

“I didn’t know where you were.  No one knew.  All I knew was that the Dowager Countess had sent a man, the Marquess.”

“I don’t understand why you came back to Downton.  If you hated Her Ladyship so much, why come back?”  Charles asked.

“She was no longer in charge.  And,” Elsie looked up at him.  “And you were here.”

Charles smiled.  “Yes, I was here.  I was working very hard to forget my wife and then she showed up one day, the replacement for the retired housekeeper.”

“How did that go?”  Elisabeth asked before another yawn escaped.

Elsie shook her head.  “That’s a story for another time.  You need to rest.”

“So do you, Lass.”  Charles whispered.  “You can both rest in our room.  I have work to do.”

“Mr. Barrow could,” Elsie started but stopped when Charles shook his head.

“He can, and he will, but I still have things to see to.  I cannot just simply ignore my duties until I’m given leave to do so.”

Elsie sighed and nodded.  “I’m sorry.”

“Don’t be sorry.”  Charles pressed a kiss to her forehead.  “Just go along with Beth and have a bit of a lie down.  I’ll wake the both of you for dinner.”

Elisabeth tugged at her father’s sleeve.  “Lean down a bit, Papa.”

Charles leaned over, his heart thudding in his chest as Elisabeth pressed a kiss to his cheek.  Eyes burning with unshed tears, he caressed her face.  “Sleep well, daughter.”

Elsie sniffed and wiped at her eyes with her handkerchief.  She never dreamed this day would come.  All these years that her secret had haunted her, the nightmares had never ended this way.

Elisabeth wrapped her arms around her mother.  “Don’t cry, Mama.”

“Beth?”  Elsie asked as she and her daughter slowly made their way back into the house.

“Yes, Mama?”

“Why are you here now?”

“I don’t know, Mama.  Uncle Shrimpie just came to London and told me it was time for me to meet my parents.”

 


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Definitely went all the way into the AU realm here. But...I didn't do it on purpose. The characters took over this chapter that's why it took so long to finish it and why it's so long. I fought and fussed with it while it clawed, scratched, and growled until it got its way ;-) .

 

 

 

Charles stood just inside their bedroom, a smile on his lips at the sight of his wife and their daughter cuddled together on the bed.  He still couldn’t quite believe it.  He had a daughter.  A daughter that was a perfect replica of her mother, a fact that made him smile wider.  He’d always wondered what it would be like if there were two of Elsie, well, now it would seem he was going to find out.

Moving to sit on the side of the bed, he leaned forward and pressed a kiss to Elsie’s forehead.  “Wake up, Lass.”

Elsie hummed as she turned toward his voice, smiling softly when her eyes opened, his face coming into focus.  “Time to eat?”

“Yes,” he whispered.  “And I’ve been told by Mrs. Patmore that I’m to make sure you finish your meal.”

Elsie rolled her eyes.  “Bossy thing.”

“Worried friend,” he countered.

“Shh.”  Elsie hushed him, looking down at their still sleeping daughter.  “She doesn’t know.”

“We’ll have to tell her.”

Elsie closed her eyes against the tears.  “But not today, please?  Just let us have a few happy days before we tell her that I,”

Pressing a finger to her lips, Charles hushed her.  “Don’t say it.  We’ll not tell her until you’re ready.”

Easing her arm away from Elisabeth, Elsie smiled when the young woman stirred, her eyes opening, a smile appearing on her face.  “Hello.”

“You weren’t a dream.”

Charles smiled and shook his head as he reached out to squeeze Elisabeth’s hand.  “No, we’re not a dream.”

Elisabeth sat up and stretched.  “My goodness.”

“I’m going to go down and get our meal.  You two freshen up.”  Charles helped Elsie stand then held out his hand to help Elisabeth.

“Papa?”  Elisabeth asked as she straightened the dressing gown she’d borrowed from her mother. 

“What is it?”

“Could I possibly call Charles after dinner?  He’ll be worried about how things have gone today.”

“I’m sure His Lordship won’t mind.”

Elisabeth bit her lip, her eyes lowering to the floor.  Sniffing, she swiped at the tears on her face before lifting it at the gentle touch of her father’s hand.

“What is it, Bethy?”

Elisabeth smiled.  “Bethy?”

Charles shrugged.  “My father called my mother that when she was upset.”

“I like it.”  Elisabeth said before throwing her arms around her father.

“What is it then?”  Elsie asked, having a faint idea of what had caused their daughter to become upset.

“It’s,” Elisabeth started then pulled back, wiping at her face again.  “It’s that I’ve always taken things for granted.  When I want to make a call, I just simply go and pick up the telephone.  I,” she swallowed and looked away.  “I’m sorry.”

Elsie kissed Charles’ hand then sent him on his way for their meal.  Squeezing Elisabeth’s shoulder, she smiled when the young woman looked at her.  “We chose this life, my darling.  It is what we know.  It is our lives.”

“And if things hadn’t happened the way they did with my twin, would you have stayed here?  Would you have raised us in this life?”

Elsie shook her head.  “You can’t ask that, Beth, because neither your father or myself can answer.  We never expected a child.  We had been married for ten years and nothing had happened.  My age,” she shrugged.  “It just wasn’t something we ever thought about or planned for.  You can imagine our surprise when what we thought was just me having a bit of a virus turned out to be a baby instead.”  Her eyes filled with tears.  “We were still trying to adjust to the idea when everything was lost.”

“Only everything wasn’t lost.”  Elisabeth reached out and wiped a tear from her mother’s cheek.  “I was still there.”

“Yes, my darling, you were.”  Elsie pulled her close and pressed a kiss to her head.  “Now,” she cleared her throat and sniffed.  “Come along.  We don’t want your father catching us with all these tears.”

“How long have you loved Papa?”  Elisabeth asked as they walked to the en suite to freshen up.

“Nearly all my life it seems.”  Elsie answered softly.  “We’ve been married for thirty-four years, but I’ve loved him for thirty-five.”  She smiled.  “I’ve loved him from the moment I looked up into those dark eyes and saw the dazed, lost look that he had when he heard me speak and saw my eyes.”

“He’s rather fond of blue eyes.”

“Only those belonging to Scottish lasses.”  Elsie told her in the best imitation of Charles that she could do.

Elisabeth laughed as she ran a damp cloth over her face and fussed with her hair.  “My hair is a mess.”

“So is mine.  We should have taken it down before napping.”  Elsie winked at Elisabeth in the mirror as she took her hair down.  “Let me see what I can do.”

Elisabeth watched her mother and sighed, a sudden memory flashing before her eyes.  “You used to hold me on your lap and brush my hair,” she whispered.

Elsie blinked in surprise.  “I did.  But how do you know that?  You can’t possibly remember.”

“I didn’t until just now.”  Elisabeth turned and smiled at her mother.  “I have flashes of things some times that I can’t understand, just bits and pieces.”

“Turn back around and let me finish.”  Elsie smiled at her.  “You’ll have to tell me and we’ll see if I can fill in the missing pieces.”

Elisabeth watched her mother, studying the sure way her hands moved as she fixed her hair.  Steady and strong, hands that hadn’t changed since she was a little girl.  She didn’t tell Elsie that she had nightmares some times of the day that her mother got sick, how she remembered being the one to find her, how she remembered sitting and crying on her mother’s bed when she wouldn’t wake up.

“Beth?”  Elsie questioned when she finished and turned to her daughter only to find her staring in a daze.

Elisabeth shook her head.  “Sorry, Mama.  Lost in wonderings.”

Elsie nodded.  “Well, come along.  We need to finish dressing before your father returns.”

 

~*~

 

“Why don’t you bring the girl down so that we can meet her, Carson?”  Lady Mary asked.

“Mary.”  Lady Violet scolded.  “Leave the poor girl to rest.  She’s only just met her parents, we need to give them time.”

Carson smiled at the Dowager then returned his attention to Mary.  “I’ll tell her that the family wishes to meet her.  She’ll be here in the morning.  I’ll bring her down before luncheon.”

“Invite her to join us for luncheon.”  Mary piped up.

Carson’s jaw twitched…so it had begun.  “I’ll extend the invitation, My Lady,” he answered then turned to leave.

“Carson.”  Robert said the name, causing him to stop.

“Yes, My Lord?”

Robert saw the look the older man tried to hide and felt a sudden tug of uneasiness.  “What was it you wished to see me about earlier?”

“Elisabeth wishes to call her husband in London.  I told her that I would ask.”  Carson answered, the gruffness of his voice not lost on anyone in the room.

“Yes, of course, Carson.”  Robert answered.  “No need to ask.”

“Thank you, My Lord.”  Carson bowed and left before anyone else could stop him.

“Mary!”  Robert scowled at his daughter.

“What, Papa?”  Mary asked, clearly confused.

Lady Violet looked at her son before answering in his place.  “The girl is Carson’s daughter, Mary.  Stop and think.”

“So asking her to join us for luncheon is wrong?  She’s not a servant even though her parents are.  She was raised a lady and obviously lives the life.”

“Did you not see the look on Carson’s face?”  Cora asked.  “He was hurt.  You hurt him,” she pointed out.

Edith shook her head.  “And you his favorite.  Even I know that we can’t have her join us for meals without hurting them.  How would you feel if it were us and we had to serve a family member because their station was higher than ours?”

Lady Violet saw it, the signs of jealousy in her oldest granddaughter’s eyes.  “Ah, so that is what this is all about.  You’ve made up your mind to dislike the girl because she’s taken your place.”

“Granny, whatever are you on about?”  Mary scowled at her grandmother.

“I’m not on about anything, Mary.  I’m simply stating that you are jealous of Lady Elisabeth because you fear she will replace you in Carson’s affections.”

Cora for once agreed with her mother-in-law.  “She’s right, my darling.  We all know that you have always been Carson’s favorite.”

Sybil stood and rubbed her back.  “I think I’m going to go to bed.”

Tom stood with her.  “I’ll go with you.”

Lady Violet reached out to touch Sybil’s hand as she passed.  “Tell Carson,” she shook her head.

“I know, Granny.”  Sybil smiled and patted her grandmother’s hand.

Watching her youngest granddaughter leave, Lady Violet turned her attention back to the room’s other occupants.  “I believe Lady Elisabeth will be asking her husband to come to meet her parents.  You should know, he’s the grandson of the Duke of Atholl.”

Mary blinked, her eyes wide.  “You can’t be serious, Granny.”

“When am I not serious?”  Lady Violet questioned with a raised eyebrow.

Robert frowned.  “You mean Charles Cameron, the heir to the title?  _The_ Charles Cameron that frowned upon the peerage, went to Oxford, and is now a solicitor in London?”

“One and the same.”

“So Lady Elisabeth is really Countess of Strathtay?”  Cora asked, her eyes wide at the implications.

“That she is.”

“Oh my.”

Edith smirked and shook her head.  “So, when do we stop treating Carson and Mrs. Carson as servants?”

“And why would we do that?  Being the parents of Lady Elisabeth doesn’t make them more than they are.”

Edith shook her head, deciding not to get involved any further in this discussion.  “I’m going to bed.”

“Mary, what do you think is going to happen when all of this becomes public knowledge?”  Robert asked as he stared down his daughter.  “The gossip,” he shook his head.

“We’re not going to do anything until Carson and Mrs. Carson learn the truth for themselves.”  Lady Violet informed them, her tone telling them that they shouldn’t argue.

“Of course, Mama.”  Robert answered, having the good sense to let his mother handle this.  “You have more knowledge about all of this and I don’t have the time for it.”

“Where is Matthew?”  Cora asked Mary in an attempt to change the subject.

“He’s at Crawley House.  Some business he had to take care of.  I didn’t feel the need to go with him.”

“Surely he meant to be back for dinner.”

“He wasn’t sure.  That’s why I didn’t mention it or ask for dinner to be held.  I’m surprised it took you until now to ask.”

Cora shrugged slightly.  “My mind has been preoccupied.”

“With this thing going on with Carson and Hughes?”  Robert asked then frowned.  “Carson and Mrs. Carson.”

Lady Violet shook her head and rolled her eyes.  “I’m ready to leave.”

“I’ll ring for Carson and have the car pulled round.”

Lady Violet nodded.  “Just remember to give them time.”

Cora studied her mother-in-law.  “What is it that you aren’t telling us?”

“Yes, Granny.”  Mary chimed in.  “You’ve never been fond of Mrs. Carson.”

“Be that as it may, I am fond of Carson.”  No sense giving the family more to be nosey about, she thought.

 

~*~

 

“Oh Charlie.”  Elisabeth sighed into the phone.  “Please hurry here.  Something is going on that they aren’t telling me about and things are so tense since Papa came back to tell me that I could use the telephone to call you.”  Her voice shook.  “I miss you.”  Listening to her husband’s reassurances that he would be on the earliest train he could, she wished him a goodnight.

“Everything alright?”  Elsie asked as she walked into Charles’ pantry.

“It’s fine, Mama.”

“I’ll take you to your room then, if you’d like.”

Elisabeth blinked.  “Am I near you?”

“No, I’m afraid not.”

Elisabeth’s hand began to shake.  “Mama, I,”

Moving to stand behind her daughter, Elsie reached out and rested a hand on her shoulder.  “What is it?”

“I just don’t want to be away from you.  I had hoped that my room would be close.”

“I’m sorry, but you’re a guest in the house and a lady, it isn’t proper.  Having you below stairs is improper enough as it is.”

“Damn the peerage!”  Elisabeth spat as she stood and pulled away from Elsie’s hand.

Elsie blinked and rolled her eyes.  “So, you’ve your father’s ill temperament.”

“I dare say, Elsie, that she’s a bit like her mother as well.”

Elsie scowled at Charles.  “Oh,” she huffed.

“What is it?” he asked with a wink at his wife.

Elsie shook her head.  “It’s nothing.  What was it you needed?  I was just getting ready to show Elisabeth to her room.”

“That’s what I needed.  I came to tell you that I’ve had her things moved to our room.  She’s going to stay with you tonight.”

“But Charles, where will you stay?”

Charles smiled and reached out to squeeze Elsie’s hand.  “I’m going to stay in the servant’s quarters,” he answered then held up his hand when she started to argue.  “Ah.  None of that.  Elisabeth needs to be with her mother not off on the other side of the Abbey.”

“I,” Elisabeth started then shook her head and moved to wrap her arms around her father.  “Thank you, Papa, although I’m sorry to move you out of your room.”

Pressing a kiss to her head, Charles looked at his wife and gave her a tender smile.  “It’s alright, Bethy.”

Elisabeth pulled back and smiled up at him.  “You know,” she whispered.  “I believe I’d like for you to call me that all the time.  I like the way you say it.”

Charles looked at Elsie and smiled.  “My voice, I suppose.”

Elisabeth looked at her mother then back at her father.  “Yes.  It’s deep and rumbling and,” she stopped when Charles chuckled.  “What?”

“It’s nothing.  I’ve just heard that before.”

Elsie blushed, her eyes bright.  “Indeed you have, Mr. Carson.”

“Mr. Carson,” came a voice from the hall.

Carson turned and blinked.  “Lady Sybil, you shouldn’t be down here.”

Tom smiled at his wife’s scowl.  “You know how she is.”

“Indeed.”  Charles turned to his daughter.  “Elisabeth, this is Lady Sybil, the youngest of the Crawley daughters.  And this is Mr. Branson, her husband.”

“Lady Sybil.  Mr. Branson.”  Elisabeth nodded.

“It’s wonderful to meet you, Lady Elisabeth.  You look just like Mrs. Carson.”  Sybil said, looking from one woman to the other then laughed, “I can’t wait for the others to see you.”

“Sybil.”  Tom scolded with a smile and shake of his head.  “We should be going.  You need your rest.”

Sybil nodded.  “I wanted to speak to Carson first.”

Elsie realized that Sybil wished to speak to Charles alone, so she tugged at her daughter’s hand.  “Let’s leave them alone.  Your father will come up and say goodnight.”

“It was nice to meet you, Lady Sybil, Mr. Branson.”  Elisabeth smiled at them.

Sybil watched them go then turned to look at Charles.  “I’m so sorry, Carson.  Mary just simply wasn’t thinking.  Granny took care of things.”

“There’s no need to apologize, Lady Sybil.”

Placing her hand on the butler’s arm, Sybil stared up at him.  “Yes, Carson, there is.  So much.”

Smiling down at the young woman, Carson nodded slightly.  “Then I thank you.”

“The Dowager made it plain to the family that she’s on your side in all of this.”  Tom told the older man.

“She’s always been supportive.”

Sybil snickered.  “Oh Carson.  We all know you’re her favorite.”

Carson huffed and shook his head.  “Goodnight, Lady Sybil.”

Tom laughed at that and took Sybil’s hand.  “Come on then, Love.”

Carson watched them leave and sighed as he closed his eyes.  He shouldn’t have been surprised that Sybil had followed him down.  She had always been the most tender hearted of the girls, and always the one to venture below stairs more.  Thankfully she hadn’t said anything while Elsie and Elisabeth were there.  He didn’t want to upset his daughter anymore than the situation upset her to begin with.  And he didn’t even want to think of how Elsie would feel.

What he couldn’t understand was Mary.  Why had she been the one?  He supposed that’s why it had hurt so much.  His foolish favoritism, Elsie would say.  And he would defend the girl as always.  But the truth was, she’d changed since she married.  Maybe Elsie had been right all along.  He had put the family on pedestals.

 

~*~

 

“Mama?”  Elisabeth asked after they’d both settled into bed, Charles having long come and gone with his goodnights.

“Yes?”

“Why don’t you wear a ring?  Does the family not allow it?”

Elsie sighed.  She should have known her daughter would catch that little detail.  “The family has only known about your father and I being married for a few days.”

Elisabeth frowned.  “But the Dowager,”

“The Dowager and Mrs. Patmore know because they were here all those years ago.”  Elsie turned onto her side to face her daughter.  “Your father and I haven’t had a marriage since the day I left Downton.  When I came back, we fell into a pattern of working alongside each other.  We’re each other’s best friend, but nothing more.”  Her voice cracked and she cleared her throat.  “I don’t even know where my ring is.”

Elisabeth heard the crack in her mother’s voice.  “But Mama, he loves you.”

“And I love him, but love alone isn’t enough.”  Reaching out to wipe away a tear, Elsie caressed the hair from her daughter’s face.  “Go to sleep, Beth.  Your Da and I will be fine.”

Elisabeth smiled.  “Da.  Do you think Papa would prefer that?”

“Try it and see.”  Elsie winked.  “Now, sleep.  You’ve a husband coming in the morning.  You’ll want to be well rested.”

“I remember you singing to me, sing to me now?”  Elisabeth asked, her eyes closed, her head moving to find just the right spot on the pillow.

Elsie tucked the covers up around her daughter as she’d done when she was a baby, humming a soft lullaby as she did.  Seeing the smile that crossed the girl’s lips, she gave a trembling smile of her own, tears on her cheeks as she sang the last bit of the song.  Satisfied that Elisabeth was sound asleep, Elsie turned on her back, staring up at the ceiling, memories filling her thoughts.

_“You’ve a girl bairn,” the midwife smiled as she handed the crying baby to an exhausted Elsie._

_Elsie studied the baby at her breast, checking to see that she had all ten fingers, all ten toes.  Wincing at the pain caused by the child’s suckling, she looked up at the old woman.  “It hurts.  Is something wrong?”_

_Sitting on the side of the bed, the old woman caressed the damp hair from Elsie’s forehead.  “It’s the natural way of things, Lass.  You’ll grow accustomed to it and the pain will go away.”_

_Elsie gripped the woman’s hand.  “I’m frightened, Rhona.”_

_“Every new mither is, Lass.”  Rhona smiled at her, her gentle face lined with years of wrinkles bearing her hard life filled with joy and pain.  “You’re the last for me, Lass.  I’ll stay and help with the bairn if you wish.”_

_Squeezing the hand she still held, Elsie nodded, tears overflowing.  “When I asked for a midwife instead of a doctor, I never dreamed it would be you.”_

_“Imagine me surprise when I saw one of me wee ones about to have a wee one of her own.”_

_“I’m not a wee one, Rhona.”  Elsie smiled and shook her head._

_“Ach, Lass.  All the bairn I’ve helped bring into this world are my wee ones.”_

_Elsie looked down at her daughter and realized she’d fallen asleep.  “I’m so sorry, Rhona.  I must be a disappointment.”_

_Rhona blinked in surprise as she took the baby and placed her in the nearby cradle.  “Disappointment, Lass?” she asked as she returned to Elsie’s side to help her settle down to get some more rest.  “No, Lass, not a disappointment.  Rest now.  I’ll be here.”_

Elsie wiped the tears and sniffed quietly as she came out of her memories.  Sighing, she got up, knowing that she wouldn’t sleep.  While she loved her daughter, always had, she wasn’t Charles.  Only Charles’ presence, his arms wrapped tightly around her, could help her sleep without worry and nightmares when it was dark out and the craziness of the day gave way to the thoughts of dying.  The peaceful nap this afternoon had been a fluke.

 

~*~

 

“Elsie.”  Charles whispered as he moved behind her, wrapping his arms about her waist.

Settling back against him, Elsie let her head fall against his chest.  “I’m so tired, Charles, but I can’t rest.”

“I had hoped that after your restful nap, tonight would be different.  I only came to check the fire to make sure the two of you were warm enough.”

“The nap was a fluke.  You know that I can’t sleep without you.  Elisabeth’s appearance hasn’t taken away the fear and worry.”  Gripping his hands, her voice lowered.  “Why does it have to take so bloody long, Charles?  Don’t they know how frightening this is for us?”

“Shh,” he soothed as he pressed a kiss to her temple.  “Dr. Clarkson would hurry things along if he could, Lass.  You know that he’s always had a soft spot for you, being a kindred Scot.”

Elsie shook her head as she turned in his arms.  “Thank you for coming to check on us, but you need your rest as well.”

“And I’ll get it.”  Charles smiled at her when she looked up at him.  Wrapping his arm around her shoulders, he led her over to the settee.  “It’s just perfect for the two of us,” he whispered as he laid down, gently pulling her with him.

Burying herself in his arms, Elsie sighed in contentment as her eyes closed.  “I’ve never understood why there was a settee this size in this room.”

“They didn’t have any spare chairs,” he quipped earning him a light smack on the chest.  “Sleep now, Elsie.  I’m here.  Sleep.”

Listening to the deep rumble of his voice as he hummed quietly, Elsie went limp in his arms, sleep finally laying claim to her as the warmth of the fire, her husband’s body, and the soft blanket made her comfortable.

Charles let his eyes drift closed.  Truth be told, he couldn’t sleep without her now that he knew the truth.  She’d been right, he did need his rest, but it wasn’t because they were meeting Elisabeth’s Charles.  He needed his strength to face Elsie’s hurt when he extended the invitation to join the family for luncheon to their daughter.  He hoped that informing them that Thomas would be serving would ease his wife’s upset, but…well, he knew his wife.  Nothing was going to soothe her shame and pain.  Shame he knew she’d feel for him, not for herself.

 


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter...gah! It turned into a monster! The breakdown at the beginning is a mirror of what happened to me when my mother learned she had six months to live. I'd been the strong one, not letting emotions get in the way of being their for Momma, and then after the news, after she left to go home...I broke. Strong women only retain their strength by giving in to the need to release everything they hold in on a day to day basis. Elsie just happens to have a man that loves her that she can trust enough to let him see her break.

 

 

 

 

“May I help you?”  Charles asked as he stared at the man standing outside the front door of Downton Abbey.

“I’m Charles Cameron.  I’m here to see my wife, Elisabeth.”

Charles blinked.  _Charles Cameron?  The Earl of Strathtay?  Oh Lord in Heaven._   “Yes, come in, Your Lordship.  I’ll take your coat and hat then show you to the library while I go and find Lady Elisabeth.”

Charlie took of his coat and hat, handing them to Charles.  “You don’t have to address me as Your Lordship.  I’m no better than you.”

Charles blinked in surprise.  “I’m sorry, Your Lordship, but I must address you as such.  It would be improper to do otherwise.”

Charlie sighed and rolled his eyes behind Charles’ back.  Good grief, but he hated propriety.  “Very well.”

“Papa, Mama sent me to,”  Elisabeth skidded to a halt when she saw the other man in the room.  “Charlie!” she cried as she rushed across the library to throw her arms around her husband.

“Beth!”  Charlie wrapped his arms tightly about her.  “Oh how I’ve missed you.”  He smiled down at her, kissing her lightly before releasing her.  “Your father?” he asked as he nodded his head in Charles’ direction.

Elisabeth turned and looked at her father and felt her heart break at the way he was standing, straight of posture and waiting to serve in his butler capacity.  “I’m sorry, Papa.  I should have told you who Charlie is.  I’m so accustomed to not using the title, that I forgot.”

“It’s alright, Lady Elisabeth.”  Charles whispered.  “If you’ll excuse me, I’ll go and see what Mrs. Carson wanted.”

Elisabeth watched her father go, his shoulder’s squared, his back straight and stiff.  “Oh Charlie, I’ve hurt him.”

“Oh, I forgot to mention.”  Charles spoke up just before walking out of the door.  “The family has extended an invitation to you and His Lordship to join them for luncheon.”

“But Papa,” Elisabeth started, stopping when she saw him stiffen.

“Tell the family thank you, but my wife and I will be having our meal in the village.”  Charlie interrupted before Elisabeth could finish.

“There’s no need, Your Lordship.  The family will feel slighted if you don’t accept.  I will be otherwise engaged so my under-butler will be seeing to luncheon.”  Charles informed them, his eyes staring straight ahead.

Elisabeth swallowed back her tears.  “Thank you, Mr. Carson.  We will be happy to join the family for luncheon.  Please thank them for their kindness.”

“As you wish, Lady Elisabeth.”  Charles bowed slightly and turned, his foot steps heavy as they echoed through the empty halls of the Abbey.

“Charlie.”  Elisabeth cried as she buried her face in her husband’s chest.  “We have to do something.  They’re my parents.  I’ve only just found them, I can’t let this…” she scowled as she pulled back and flung her arm in an arc.  “I can’t let this place take them from me.”

“Shh, Els.”  Charlie soothed, using his pet name for her.  “We can only do what your parents will allow.  They chose this life, my love.”

“That’s what Mama said.”  Elisabeth whispered as she settled back into her husband’s embrace.

“Is she half as beautiful as you, Els?”

Elisabeth smiled.  “She’s as beautiful.  I look just like her.  You’ll see.”

“I look forward to it.  Now, what do we do?”

“Papa will send someone for us when it’s time for luncheon.  It won’t be long now.”  Elisabeth tugged on his hand and led him to the settee.  “Sit with me and just hold me.”

Charlie sat down, drawing her across his lap.  “Now, tell me what you meant when you said there was something they weren’t telling you.”

“I don’t know what it is, but it’s something to do with Mama.  She fell a few days before I came.  From what I’ve figured in my head, the day she fell is the day Uncle Shrimpie came to see us.”

“But you didn’t say anything.”

“Because other than the gash on her head, the fall didn’t hurt her.”

“Then why after all of this time would they send for you?”

“That’s why I’m afraid, Charlie.  What if Mama is sick?  What if,”

“Shh.  Come on, Els.  Don’t borrow trouble.  I’m sure they’ll tell you if there’s something wrong.”

“Excuse me.”  Elsie said from just inside the room.  “Mr. Carson sent me.”

Elisabeth and Charlie stood up and turned to face Elsie.  “Charlie, this is Elsie Carson, my mother and the housekeeper of Downton.”

Charlie blinked as he looked from his mother-in-law to his wife and back again.  “You said the two of you looked alike, but Els,” he whispered, a bit shocked.

Elisabeth nodded.  “I know.  She gave me her hair, her eyes, her beauty, and her stature.  Short as it is,” she added with a scowl.

Charlie laughed and hugged her to him.  “Not short.  Just the right size.”

Elsie smiled, she’d heard that a few times from her own Charles.  “I’ve come to show you into the drawing room.  The family wishes to meet you before luncheon.”

Elisabeth saw it in her mother’s eyes.  The eyes that mirrored hers, were unable to hide emotions from those who took the time to really look.  “Yes, Ma,” she bit her lip to stop herself, to stop it from trembling.  “Yes, Mrs. Carson.”

Elsie swallowed to control herself.  “Later, maybe a walk in the gardens?  I’m sure His Lordship will enjoy the time alone with no interruptions.”

Charlie could hear the hurt in his mother-in-law’s voice, had heard that same sound in his own wife’s.  Damn what a mess this all was!  Blast the peerage system to kingdom come for all he cared.  “Will you and Mr. Carson join us?  I’d like to get to know the both of you a little.”

Elsie bit her lip as she walked ahead of the young couple.  “I’ll talk to Mr. Carson.”

Elisabeth looked at Charlie.  “I hate this,” she whispered.

Elsie opened the door and entered before Charlie and Elisabeth.  “Lord and Lady Strathtay,” she announced them as they entered.

“Thank you, Mrs. Hughes.”  Mary said then shook her head.  “Sorry.  You’ll have to excuse our mistakes, Mrs. Carson.  We’re all still trying to adjust.”

“It’s quite alright, Lady Mary.  I’ll be leaving now.  I have work to catch up on.”

“Mrs. Carson, how are you after your fall?”  Cora asked.

“I’m fine, My Lady.”

“Good.  We’ll let you go then.”

“Thank you, My Lady.”  Elsie bowed her head slightly and backed out of the room, closing the door quietly behind her.

“Well.”  Lady Violet huffed at the tension.  “Let me introduce Charles and Elisabeth Cameron.”

“Mama.”  Robert frowned at her unusual lack of propriety.

“Yes?”  Lady Violet asked with a raised eyebrow. 

“He’s an Earl.”

“I know this.  I’m the one that informed you of that very fact last evening.  Or is my mind failing me?”

“No, Mama.”  Robert rolled his eyes.

“As I was saying.”  Lady Violet cleared her throat.  “Charles and Elisabeth live in London, where Charles is a solicitor.”

“We live a very simple life.”  Charles broke in.  “I don’t hold to lording my title over people.  Begging your pardon, Lord Grantham.”

Robert’s eyebrow shot up and he looked sharply at his mother who only gave him a look that he couldn’t quite interrupt.  This was complete madness!  “I believe Carson will be in shortly to tell us luncheon is ready.”

Cora rolled her eyes.  That was helpful.  The look that she saw flash across the young woman’s eyes caused her mother’s heart to hurt slightly.  “Robert, I believe I overheard the maids saying something about Carson going into the village.  Mr. Barrow will be taking over in his absence.”

“Ah.”  Robert nodded.

Edith shook her head and stood up.  “I’m Edith, the middle daughter.  Mary, the oldest, is there by Mama.  Sybil, the youngest, wasn’t feeling well so she’s resting.  And Matthew, Mary’s husband, is at his office.”  Leaning closer, she took Elisabeth’s hand.  “I’m sorry for Mary and Papa.”

Elisabeth smiled at the blonde.  “Thank you, Lady Edith.”

Lady Violet smiled slightly at her middle granddaughter when she turned to go back to the chair she’d been sitting in.  Nodding her head at her when Edith glanced her way, she mouthed a thank you just as the door opened.

“Luncheon is ready.”  Thomas announced before turning to make his way ahead of the family to the dinning room.  Tension was rampant in the drawing room, so thick he could feel it.  Looking at the footmen, he quickly whispered to them to watch themselves.

 

~*~

 

“Charles.”  Elsie whispered as she squeezed his hand.  “Please slow down.”

“I’m sorry, Elsie.”  Charles stopped and looked down at her.  “I just had to get away.  Why didn’t she tell us?”

“You told me that she said she forgot.”

“Something this important?”

Rubbing his arm, Elsie stared up at him, tears in her eyes.  “She knows we’re not telling her something.  I overheard her,” she swallowed.  “She thinks I’m sick and she’s frightened.”

Pulling Elsie into his arms, Charles sighed then kissed her head.  “We have to tell her, Elsie.  I know we agreed to wait, but I think it’s best to tell her.  That or send her back home with Lord Strathtay.  Maybe that would be for the best.”

“Maybe it would be.  Now that we know where she is, we could go and visit, couldn’t we?”

“Yes, Lass, we could.  Once we’ve made sure you’re not,” Charles didn’t finish, just shook his head.  “I’ll ask for time off and we’ll go and spend the time with her.  Get to know her better.”

Shaking her head after a moment, Elsie sighed, “It isn’t going to work, Charles.  We’ll be an embarrassment.  I know that they don’t live the life, but his family won’t appreciate us being in their lives.  And the gossip,” she shuddered.  “You know that Sir Richard Carlisle will make sure it’s spread all over London once he gets wind of it.”

“What are you saying, Elsie?”

“I don’t know what I’m saying, Charles,” her voice broke on a sob.  “I just want all of this madness to end!”  She pushed away from him and walked closer to the water’s edge.

Charles moved behind her, wrapping his arms tightly around her and pulling her back against him.  “Let it out, Elsie.  We’re alone.  There’s no one to hear you.  Scream, yell, cry, it’s alright.  I’m right here.”

Letting her head fall back against his shoulder, she opened her mouth and screamed, letting it all out just as he’d told her, trusting him to hold her and not let her go until the storm within her subsided.  Pain, anguish, hurt, fear, all if it poured out of her as her fists balled in the loose material of his pant legs.

Charles tightened his hold on Elsie when he felt her knees go weak.  Not caring about his clothes, knowing he had others in his pantry to change into, he knelt down on the soft grass and pulled her into his lap when he could no longer hold her up.  The echoing sounds of her cries closed around him, and he was lost in the emotions, his own tears soaking her hair as he rocked her back and forth.

Anna watched the scene, her heart breaking for the two people that had always taken such good care of all of them, especially her during everything with Mr. Bates.  She’d come to find them, to tell them that their daughter had asked for them, but she couldn’t disturb them.  Something more was going on here, something that none of them knew about.  All of them, but one.  She remembered the incident with the store cupboard key and how Mrs. Patmore and Mrs. Carson hadn’t been fighting.  She also recalled how she’d seen both women heading into the village together on more than one occasion.

Nodding her head at her decision, she turned and left as quietly as she’d arrived.  Daisy could handle what was left of dinner preparations, Mr. and Mrs. Carson were more important right now.  And as sure as her name was Anna Bates, she knew that Mrs. Patmore knew everything.

 

~*~

 

Beryl Patmore wasn’t an easily upset woman, couldn’t get as far as she had in service always wearing your emotions on your shoulders.  But, as she stood and listened to the crying of her friend, the gut wrenching sobs, her own tears fell and she swiped at them in frustration.  Frustration that there was nothing she could do.  She swiped at her tears again, digging around in her apron pocket for her handkerchief.

“Get yourself together, old girl,” she coached herself.  Charles and Elsie Carson had been there for her when she was losing her sight.  It was Elsie that held her hand and wrapped her arms around her when she’d learned of the true fate of her nephew.  Now it was her turn to be there for them.

Walking quietly to where the couple sat, she placed a hand on Charles’ shoulder.  “Charles,” she whispered the name, using the familiarity of their bygone days.

Charles looked up startled then calmed when he realized who it was.  “She just needed time to let it all out,” he whispered as he continued rocking Elsie, her cries now gone silent, her body completely limp in his arms.

“I know.  She’s been holding everything in all these years.  I understand.”

“I know you do, and I thank you for keeping our secrets.”

“You’re both my friends.  That’s what friends do.”  Beryl shrugged.  “It’s getting chill out.  Don’t you think you should come back to the house?”

“We will in a bit.  I want to let her rest some more.”

“If it’s people seeing and staring, I can clear them all out.  All I’ll need to do is start one with Daisy.”

“Just warn her, and don’t be too hard.”

“I can do that.  She’ll understand.  Seems the girl has a soft spot for our Elsie.”

Charles raised an eyebrow at that.  “Oh?”

Beryl nodded.  “She’s been asking if Mrs. Carson is ill because she’s noticed that she’s been quiet and pale.  That and she was there the day Elsie gave me the key to the store cupboard.”

Charles shook his head.  “Yell and shout at them, and they still care about her.”

“But she only yells or shouts when there’s reason, never when there is none, and they know it.”

“I’ll bring her in.  Have Anna waiting to signal me when it’s clear.”

“It was Anna that came to get me.  She was sent to find you and Elsie because your lass wanted to see the both of you.  When she found you like this, she came back to the house.  She’ll not be telling anyone anything.  You know our Anna.”

“Yes, I know our Anna can be trusted.  And Elsie can’t face the situation with our daughter right now.  I’ll just take her up to our room and then go and find Elisabeth.”  Charles sighed and shook his head.  “I wish Her Ladyship, the Dowager, hadn’t,”

“Now Charles,” Beryl stopped him and squeezed his shoulder.  “You needed to know.  I suspect Elsie was going to tell you before it was taken out of her hands.”

“You’ve known all this time?”  Charles asked.

“No.  I knew that something had happened while she was gone from here, but she never told me.  We weren’t close when she came back.  So many things had happened in the past.  The only secrets of yours that I’ve known, or know now, is the marriage, the lost wee one that sent her away, and now the,” she shook her head, unwilling to go on.

“We both are very grateful.”

“No need for that.  We’re the old ones now, Charles.  Every day we get another new one, young and fit and eager to take our places.  We’re the only ones that remember the old days and the old ways.  We have to stick together.”  Smiling at him, she turned to leave, throwing over her shoulder as she did, “Besides, we’re friends.  You helped me.  It’s my turn now.”

 

~*~

 

“I’m sorry, Elisabeth.”  Charles told his daughter as she stared at him, tears in her eyes. 

“Da,” the young woman whispered, shocking her father and husband with the use of the name.  “What aren’t you and Mama telling me?  She’s,” she bit her lip, her tears finally spilling over.  “Is she sick?”

Charles closed his eyes.  “We don’t know.”

“Oh Da.”  Elisabeth cried as she leaned into his arms.

Charles held her close, wondering how many more crying women he was going to hold in his arms today.  Then he rolled his eyes.  Only just these two because they were his.  “Shh, Bethy.  Nothing is certain.  The tests take a long time.”

“How long, Mr. Carson?” Charlie asked quietly.

“One to two months.”

“Do you want me to see if I can do anything to quicken the pace?”

“I appreciate the offer, but nothing can be done.  We just have to suffer the wait.”  Charles sighed as he kissed Elisabeth’s head.  “Go on to your room and rest, Bethy.  I’ve got responsibilities to see to and a wife to check on.”  Gently handing her over to Charlie, he caressed her cheek when she looked up at him.  “It’s alright.  Wait an hour then come to our room.  She’ll be waiting to see you.”

Elisabeth nodded as she leaned against Charlie and walked with him out of the gardens.  “Please do something,” she whispered as she squeezed the hand holding hers.

“Els, you know that I would, but your father said nothing could be done.  I’m sure that the tests are being done somewhere other than the village.  I’m also sure that your father wouldn’t make your mother wait if there were any other way.”  Charlie kissed her head.  “Your father seemed, I don’t know.  It seems as though he was weary.  I wonder what it was that kept him and your mother from meeting us earlier.”

“They went to the village.”

Charlie shook his head.  “I don’t think they did.  Something else was happening.”

“What do you mean?”

“Your father was hurt over the luncheon invitation.  Hurt and ashamed.  Your mother was hurt because he was, I could see it in her eyes when she came to take us to the drawing room.  He didn’t go to the village, because from the little I’ve seen of the man, he seems to be very close with his emotions and wouldn’t want to be around people.”

“So they were here all the time?”

“I believe so, but I think maybe something happened with Mrs. Carson.  Why else would she be in their room at this time of day?  She’s the housekeeper of a large estate, she would have work to do.”

“I suppose I’ll find out in an hour.”  Elisabeth sighed as they walked up to their room.  “I’m afraid they’re going to ask us to go home.”

“They may.  It would make things easier for you.”

“Me?”  Elisabeth asked with a raised eyebrow.

“Els, you told me yourself that this situation was upsetting.  They’re your parents, and although they’ve only just met you, they’ll want to protect you.  You have to know that this will cause a problem with my family once the London press learns of it.”

“And how will they learn of it?”

“Servants gossip amongst themselves.  I’m sure someone has already spread the news that the butler and housekeeper of Downton Abbey are married and have a heretofore unknown child.  A child that has grown into a woman who is now married to the wild Earl of Strathtay.  It will be another scandal for my family to be upset over.  Not that I care what my family thinks, but I can’t overlook the fact that it’s going to cause problems for you with my family.  And it will cause problems here for the Carsons.”

“Oh Charlie.”  Elisabeth sighed as she sat down on their bed.  “I’ve wanted to see Mama again for so many years.  I wanted to meet my father.  Now,” her voice caught.  “I wish the Dowager hadn’t sent Uncle Shrimpie for me.  It’s only hurting them.”

Handing his wife a handkerchief, Charlie sat down beside her and wrapped an arm around her.  “I believe the Dowager knows of what is happening with your mother’s health.  I think that’s why she decided the time had come for you to be brought back into Mr. and Mrs. Carson’s lives.  She was only doing,” he shrugged when Elisabeth looked up at him.  “I suppose she was doing what any mother would.  Old bat or not.”

Elisabeth chuckled at that.  “You’ve never cared much for the Dowager.”

“Tell me someone who does?”  Charlie asked.

“My father.”

“Yes, I believe you may be right.  And I believe she cares about him, or why else would she have done what she did all those years ago?”

“I never have understood that part of the story.”

“She’s to be here for dinner, ask her.”

“I don’t want to eat with the family again.  I want to spend time with my parents.”

“Then I shall tell Lord Grantham that we’ve decided to just have a quiet dinner in our room.  That way we can have your parents here with us and not bother anyone.”

“I love you, Charles Cameron.”  Elisabeth kissed him softly.

“And I love you, Elisabeth Cameron.  We’ll make it through this, I promise.  I’ll not let you lose your parents now that you’ve found them.”

 

~*~

 

Elsie sighed as she leaned against Charles.  “You need to go back to work.  I’m fine now.  I’ll be along shortly.  Just let me wash my face and fix my hair.  I’m a mess.”

“A beautiful mess.”  Charles smiled at her, pressing a kiss to her temple.

“Oh,” she huffed and kissed his cheek.

“You can’t go directly back to work.  You have a very upset daughter coming to see you in a few minutes.”  Holding her hand, Charles held her gaze.  “I didn’t intend to tell her about your health, but she asked.  How could I lie to her?”

“I’m not angry, Darling.”

Charles shivered, the sound of her rolling the r in the endearment doing something to his nerve endings.  “You’ve not called me that in a very long time,” he whispered.

Caressing his face with her free hand, Elsie nuzzled the underside of his chin.  “No I haven’t, but it seems it still affects you as it did when we were younger.”

“Just you saying my name affects me, Lass.  I’ve just had time to hide the affects.”

“Charles?”

“Yes, Elsie?”

“Tonight,” she whispered.  “Tonight can we work a little more on being a married couple?”

Charles blinked at the implication of her words.  Studying her, he saw the truth, the longing she had for their being together…the same longing he had.  “As much as you want, Lass,” he answered quietly then cupped her face and kissed her.

Humming her approval of the kiss, Elsie pressed herself closer to him, her hand sneaking its way up his arm, over his shoulder.  With her fingers finally tangling in his hair, she held him to her, urging him to continue the kiss.  She needed this.  Needed to feel something other than the pain and fear.  She needed their closeness to give her back the strength that had slowly been waning in the last weeks.

Pulling from the kiss, Charles stared down at her.  “Is this really what you want, Elsie?”

Elsie bit her lower lip.  “I need us to be okay, Charles.  I need us to be,” she shrugged.  “I need us to be us again.  I want,” she paused, biting her lower lip again.

“What do you want, Elsie?”

“I want to be with you.  If I am sick, we’ll not have much time before I’m not able.  I don’t want to waste any more time.”

Cupping her face, Charles caressed her cheeks.  “I’ll give you all that I have, Elsie Carson.  Everything,” he voice lowered as he pressed his lips to hers once again.

Covering his hands with hers, Elsie squeezed them when the kiss ended.  “And I’ll give you all that I can, until I can’t.”

Letting his head rest against her forehead, Charles took a deep breath.  “You’re not going to leave me, Elsie Carson.  You’re not.”

“I pray God you’re right,” she whispered just before a knock sounded on the door.  “That’ll be our daughter.”

“Yes, it will.  Go wash your face and fix your hair.  I’ll let her in then return to my work.”  Kiss her again, Charles winked at her before patting her lightly on the bottom as she turned to walk away.

“Charles!”  Elsie called in surprise, her blue eyes gleaming when she noticed the lazy smile on his mouth.  Shaking her head, she felt her steps lighten even though the situation hadn’t changed with her health.  Somehow he’d always had a way of making things better.

Charles walked slowly to the door, turning to make sure Elsie was out of the room before opening it to let their daughter in.  “Bethy.”

Elisabeth smiled slightly and looked around her father.  “Where’s Mama?”

“She’s fixing her hair.  It was a bit mussed from her rest.”  No need to tell the whole truth.  The girl didn’t need to know about her mother’s breakdown.

Elsie came in a moment later and smiled at the young woman.  “Here I am.  Now, let your Da be so he can go about his work.”

Charles turned and smiled at her.  “So you’re the reason.”

Elsie arched an eyebrow at him, her mouth turned down in a frown of confusion.  “What?”

“She called me Da earlier and it surprised me.  I know now why.”

“I simply told her to try it and see if you liked it better than Papa.”

Kissing her tenderly, Charles caressed her cheek.  “You knew that I would.  Be gentle,” he whispered before turning and placing a kiss on his daughter’s cheek.  “Don’t push, Bethy.”

“I promise, Da.”  Elisabeth kissed his cheek then watched him go, turning to her mother when the door closed.  Studying her mother, she saw the signs of tears that her mother had tried to hide with a cool cloth to her face.  “You and Da didn’t go to the village this afternoon did you?”

“No.  We took a walk by the pond.”

“Then why lie?”

“We didn’t lie, Beth.  Your father had intended to go to the village so that there wouldn’t be a question as to why Mr. Barrow was taking over the luncheon.”

“Then what changed?”

“Your Charlie showed up.”

“Oh.”

“You should have told us, Beth.  I know that you don’t live the life, don’t use the titles, but we do live that life.  Your father is very set in his ways about the proper way to do things.  Finding out that his child was Countess Strathtay, knowing that he’d had you below stairs, has upset him because it’s against the rules of this life.”

“But I’m your daughter.”  Elisabeth argued.

“Yes, you are, but you are also above us in station.  And because of that, we can’t treat you as our child while we are working, while you are a guest in this house.  It isn’t done, Beth.  It isn’t done.”  Closing her eyes to fight against her emotions, Elsie said the words she’d never dreamed she’d say if she ever saw her daughter again.  “Go back to London, Beth.  Go back to your life.”  Opening her eyes, she held her daughter’s gaze.  “When we’ve the results of my test, then we’ll take time and come to see you.  Your Da has already promised that we would.”

“But Mama, how can you send me away?  I want to be here with you.  All those years spent away from you.  Now I’ve found you and there is a chance that I might lose you, and you want to send me away?”

“It’s for the best, Beth.  I’m sorry.”  Elsie turned away, no longer able to hold back her tears.  “I’m so very sorry.”

Elisabeth felt her heart breaking along with her mother’s.  “You’ll come visit?  You’ll send a telegram with the result?”

“We will.”  Elsie answered quietly.

“I love you, Mama.”

Elsie closed her eyes and put a hand over her mouth as the sound of the door closing echoed around her.  A sob escaped and she gasped when she felt a hand on her shoulder.  Turning, she blinked in surprise at the unexpected visitor.  “Mrs. Crawley?”

“I’d like to think that you and I are friends, Mrs. Hughes.”  Isobel handed Elsie a handkerchief.  “I would like to help if I may.”

“No one can help, I’m afraid.”

“But wouldn’t it be a help if your daughter and her husband were not staying here?”

“That’s why Charles and I decided it would be best if they returned to London.”

“But you don’t want that.”

“Of course I don’t.”  Elsie hissed then shook her head.  “I’m sorry.”

Patting her hand, Isobel smiled.  “I have a solution.”

“You do?”

“They’ll stay with me.  I don’t live by the same rules as they do here, you know that.  You and Mr. Carson can come to visit and you’ll be able to get to know your daughter and her husband without breaking rules of propriety.  The family won’t feel obligated to have them join them for luncheon or dinner if they’re not staying under their roof.”

Elsie bit her lip as she wiped at her eyes.  “You’ll cause trouble for yourself.”

“Has that stopped me in the past?”  Isobel asked with a smile.

Elsie shook her head and laughed, “No.  It hasn’t.”  Reaching out, she squeezed the older woman’s hand.  “God bless you, Mrs. Crawley.”

Isobel winked at her.  “Don’t you think that when it’s just us, you could call me Isobel?”

Elsie blinked in surprise then nodded.  “And I’m Elsie.”

“Well then, Elsie, go find your daughter and tell her of the change in plans.”

“Elsie, I,” Charles started as he came into the room, stopping when he spotted Isobel.  “I’m sorry.  I didn’t realize you had company.  Mrs. Crawley,” he nodded.

“I was just leaving, Mr. Carson.”

Elsie watched her friend go then looked at Charles as he moved to her side.  “What is it?”

“We’ve been asked to meet the family in the library.”

“Oh now what?”  Elsie sighed and rubbed the bridge of her nose.  “I’m tired, Charles.  So very tired.  Elisabeth didn’t take being sent away very well.  Although, Mrs. Crawley has a solution to that.”

“Oh?”

“She suggested that they stay with her.”

“And what did you say?”

“I agreed.”  Elsie clasped his hand.  “Charles, I may be dying.  We’ve lost so many years with her, I,” she shook her head.  “I don’t want to lose anymore time.”

“Then we’ll send them to Mrs. Crawley.”

“She’ll take good care of them and we can go and visit on our days and half days off.”

Pressing a kiss to her forehead, Charles took her hand.  “Now that that is settled, we need to go see to our meeting with the family.  After, we’ve been invited to join our daughter and son-in-law for dinner.  They’ve decided to eat in their room so that we can join them.”

“He must have asked you to join them before Elisabeth left me.  I don’t know that they’ll still want us to join them.”  Elsie told him as they walked down the stairs to the library.  Standing in front of the door, she took a deep breath.  “Whatever it is they want, I hope it doesn’t take long.  I wasn’t lying when I said I was tired.”

“I know that, Lass.”  Charles whispered before pressing a kiss to her hand and releasing it.  Opening the door, he let her go in first, both of them moving to stand in front of Robert, Cora, and thankfully Lady Violet.

Lady Violet was the first to speak.  “It seems the squeaky mouse was about today when you were talking with your daughter and her husband, Carson.”

Carson nodded as he moved closer to Elsie at the sound of her sharp intake of breath.  “I see.”

“Mrs. Carson, why haven’t you told us you were sick?”  Cora asked.

“Because, My Lady, I don’t know that I am.”

“Because it’s none of your business, I’d dare say.”  Lady Violet huffed causing Elsie to bite her lip to keep from smiling.

Elsie looked at the older woman, thankfulness in her eyes as she caught the woman’s gaze.  When she got the chance she had some apologizing to do.  “My health hasn’t affected the running of this house, even with my fall a few days ago.  If you would like, I’ll give my notice so that when it is confirmed that I am,”

“No.”  Lady Violet’s steely voice cut her off.  “Carson, take Mrs. Carson and find your family.”

“Yes, My Lady.”  Carson nodded at her before gently taking Elsie’s elbow and leading her from the room.  Stepping into the hidden servant’s passage, he pulled her tightly against him.  “No more.  I’ll write up our letter of resignation and give it to His Lordship tomorrow.”

“No, Charles.  You don’t want to retire.  It’s alright.”

“No, Elsie, it is not.  His Lordship won’t sack Miss O’Brien even though he detests her.  Her Ladyship wouldn’t like it.  And as long as that woman is in this house, our private lives aren’t safe.  I’ll not have you constantly harassed.”

Smiling up at him, Elsie caressed his chest lovingly.  “My knight in shining armor.  You know that I can take care of myself.”

“Yes, I do.  I also know I made a promise to a young lass as I held her on my lap in the dark corner of the bachelor’s corridor.”

Elsie pressed a kiss to the underside of his jaw.  “Yes, you did.  But I can handle Miss O’Brien.”

“I don’t want you to have to handle her.  It’s enough that you’ve work to do while we wait, dealing with her shouldn’t be an added stress.”  He scowled.  “It’s quite ridiculous really.  She should have been sacked long ago.”

“Yes, she should have, but Her Ladyship has a strange attachment to her.”  Elsie shrugged.  “Are you sure leaving is what you want?”

“Ever since we talked, I’ve thought of it.  I think it’s time, Elsie.  All of this has just pushed home to me that I’m tired of all of it.  I’m tired of being the unyielding, straight of posture, surly, growling butler.  I’m tired of other people demanding to know my personal business because some snarling underling has took it upon themselves to listen to a private conversation and spread gossip.”

She nodded.  “If it’s truly what you want, write our letter.”

Pressing a kiss to her soft lips, Charles wrapped his arm around her and drew her close.  “Come on then.  We’ve a daughter to talk to.”

As they made their way up the servant’s stairs to the floor above where their daughter’s bedroom was, an argument was going on in the library.

“Mama!”  Cora scowled.  “How dare you!  Miss O’Brien was merely,”

“Merely putting her nose where it doesn’t belong.”  Lady Violet broke in.  “Mrs. Carson’s health is no one’s business but her own and her husband’s.  And, their daughter if they see fit.  It is not our business as long as it isn’t interfering with her work.”

Cora narrowed her eyes and studied the woman who thoroughly irritated her.  “You know what’s wrong.  If it is none of our business, they why do you know?”

“I know because I was there the day she fell.  I know because,” she paused with a sigh before continuing.  “I know because I’ve known a great many of their secrets over the years just as Carson has known a great many of mine.  While I have never been overly fond of Mrs. Carson, that does not mean that I do not think she is entitled to her privacy.”

“The woman hates you.”  Robert reminded her.

“Yes, she does.  With good reason, I might add.  You know as well as I do that if her health were going to affect this household she would have come to you either to inform you of it, or to give her resignation.  The woman has run this house better than any housekeeper we’ve had since I came to Downton.”  Lady Violet frowned at her daughter-in-law.  “Do you know that she kept her own baby a secret so as not to take away from you?  Mary had just been born and the whole house was overflowing with the newness and awe of the babe while Mrs. Carson kept her joy to herself.  And kept her grief,” she added quietly.

“Grief?”  Cora asked with a puzzled frown.

“They lost a child, Cora.  That loss is what tore them apart.  That loss is why Mary is Carson’s favorite.”

Cora blinked, her mind going back in time.  “That was Mrs. Hug,” she sighed and corrected herself.  “Mrs. Carson?”

“What do you mean, Cora?”  Robert asked.

“I had heard rumors from my maid about a possible baby below stairs, and then later I heard that the baby had been lost.  I never knew who the maid was.”

“I thought you said she was here while I was away at school, Mama?”  Robert gave his mother a surly look.

“I did say that.  I also said that you were never the most observant man when it comes to the goings on in your household.  When you weren’t in school, you were off trying to find a wife.  You found Cora and then it was trying to get to know her, trying to get her adjusted to the life.  Then, it was a baby on the way, a possible heir.”

Robert defended himself.  “I remember Carson, and I remember when he left.” 

“Of course you remember, Carson.  He was first footman and your valet on occasion.  And he helped us all immensely when your father died.  But Mrs. Carson wasn’t seen.  She was merely here doing her work, staying out of our way.  She was only the head housemaid, never acted as a lady’s maid, though I’m told she makes an excellent one.  From what I understand, the house she worked in after she left here was a small one, one where she was housekeeper, house maid, and lady’s maid.  Shrimpie tells me the house still bemoans the loss of her to this day.  And here you are, doing your level best to make her leave.”  Lady Violet leveled a glare at her son.  “You do realize that they’re going to leave, don’t you?  After this meeting, they’ve no recourse.  Carson won’t let her continue to be hurt.”

“What do you mean?  No one has done anything to hurt her.”

“Oh?”  Lady Violet turned on Cora.  “She could possibly be dying, Cora, and all she’s gotten, all they have both gotten, is vicious gossip by that horrid maid of yours.  Miss O’Brien has taken upon herself to do everything she can to cause trouble for the Carsons.  Well, she’s succeeded.  I believe you’ll be receiving their letter of resignation on the morrow.”

“You can’t be serious.  Carson would never leave.”  Robert shook his head.

“Mrs. Carson might be dying?”  Cora asked.

“Cancer, Cora.  It’s why I brought their daughter here.  I thought it was time their family was intact,” the older woman answered then turned her attention to her son.  “He left once, Robert.  He left because she was gone and he could no longer stand the reminders of her that walking the halls of this house brought.  He had meant to leave earlier, but your father got sick and I asked him to stay because your father liked Carson, trusted him.  Things are changing, Robert, and I’m too old.  Too old to continue to stand by and see you stuck in the past, to continue to be stuck in the past myself.  I’m tired.  I believe I’ll go home and not stay to dinner.”

Robert nodded and stood, walking to pull the cord for someone to come so that he could order the car be brought around for his mother.  “Mama?”

“What is it, Robert?”

Moving to his mother, Robert knelt down in front of her.  In an uncustomary show of affection, he took his mother’s hand.  “Carson didn’t stay for Papa, did he?  He stayed for you.  That’s why you made sure his daughter was taken care of.”

Cora watched the scene, heard the whispered words, and felt her heart filling with respect for her mother-in-law, love for her husband.  It wasn’t easy for him to show emotion, she knew that, had always known it, but something in the last words his mother had said, had touched a part of him long hidden and confined within his British upbringing.  If she were truthful, her mother-in-law’s words had struck something within her as well.

She’d never understood why it was Mrs. Carson that had brought her up a tray after the loss of the baby so many years ago.  Not until this moment.  Now she understood why the woman’s eyes had been cloudy with tears, why she had been so tender, so caring.  Why the housekeeper had seemed as though she understood.  She had understood because she’d lost a child to death and to circumstance.  It would seem she, Cora Crawley, had some apologizing to do.


	7. Chapter 7

Charles stopped and stared as he closed the door of their bedroom behind him.  Elsie was standing at the window, the moonlight casting her in shadow and highlighting her hair.  He moved quietly up behind her, his arms sliding around her waist.  “Hello, Lass,” he whispered as he pressed a kiss to her temple.

“Done for the night?” she asked, knowing that he was.

“I am.”  Nudging her hair away from her neck with his nose, he gently kissed the soft skin.  “We should be getting to bed.  We’ve a long day tomorrow.”

Turning in his arms, Elsie looked up and smiled sadly.  “I’m sorry.”

Charles blinked in surprise.  “Sorry?  For?”

“I know that we’ve decided to leave, that we’d settled this earlier.  I also know that you don’t want to leave Downton.  This is your home, your family.  Let me,” she bit her lip then continued.  “Let me leave alone.  I can stay in the village and be near by.  You could,”

“Elsie.”  Charles broke in, not letting her finish.  “No.  If one of us leaves, we both do.”  Cupping her face, he pressed a kiss to her nose then lips before continuing.  “We’ve spent too many years apart living under the same roof.  I’ll not let us spend more years apart with you living somewhere else.  I want us to be the way we were.  I want a real marriage again.”

Elsie sighed and tucked her head under his chin.  “I’m so confused, Charles.  Do you know that Her Ladyship asked to see me before she went up to bed?”

“I heard O’Brien grumbling about being held up for her duties because of you.  I wanted to tell her to mind herself, but decided against it.  Too tempting to strike the woman.”

“Oh Darling.”  Elsie chuckled as she caressed his back.

Charles shivered at the rolled r.  “Say it again,” he breathed.

“Darling,” she repeated feeling his reaction.  Pulling back to look up at him, she caressed his cheek.  “I don’t want to sleep.”

Charles nodded.  “First, tell me what Her Ladyship wanted before we get more distracted.”

Elsie smiled.  “She wanted to apologize.”

“Apologize?”  Charles asked with a quirked eyebrow.

“Yes.  She said that she was sorry for the way she’d acted, the way she’d pried into my private business.  She said that she had never understood why I brought her the tray the night that she lost the baby instead of sending up one of the maids until tonight.  The Dowager told them of the baby and how I had kept the grief to myself when the baby was lost so that it didn’t take away from the joy of Lady Mary.”

“God bless the Dowager.”

“I need to apologize to her.”

“She understands, Elsie.  She always has.”

Elsie sighed, “I know, but I still feel I owe her an apology.”

“Then we’ll take care of it tomorrow.”  Charles told her before lifting her in his arms.  “Enough of that for now.”

Wrapping her arms around his neck, Elsie kissed his cheek.  “You haven’t carried me in a long time.  At least not while I was aware of it.”

Charles smiled.  “I’m glad that you’re aware this time.  I was frightened the last time I carried you.”

“I’m sorry for that.”

“No need,” he whispered.  “Now, climb in while I change.”

Sitting up on her knees where he’d placed her on the bed, Elsie reached up and tugged at his tie.  “Let me.”

Charles let his hands fall, watching his wife as she carefully unbuttoned his shirt down to where it met his waistcoat.  Smiling at her when she snarled her nose, he couldn’t resist the urge to lean over and kiss the tip.  “You’re so cute when you do that.”

“Cute, Mr. Carson?” she asked, intentionally rolling the r more than usual.

“Elsie Carson,” he growled as he shivered.  “You know what that does to me.”

“I do, Darling?”  Elsie asked, exaggerating the rolled r as she looked up at him innocently.

Moving closer and grabbing her, Charles crushed her against him as he kissed her, one hand in her hair, the other on the small of her back pushing her lower body against him.  His hand bunched up the soft material of her nightdress as his mouth moved from her lips to her neck, nibbling and suckling the soft skin.

Elsie’s own hands were busy, his jacket landed in a heap behind  
him, his waistcoat following.  The last remaining buttons of his shirt slipped through their holes easily and his shirt soon join the other pieces of his clothing.  “Charles,” she breathed then moaned when his mouth suckled the sensitive spot just below her ear.

Pulling back, Charles took a breath then kissed her forehead.  “What?”

Tugging on his undershirt, Elsie smiled up at him.  “You have to let me go before I can get rid of this.”

Letting her go, Charles helped her remove the offending piece then moved his hands back to her nightdress.  Watching her face as he drew the material up over her hips, he heard her hasty intake of breath as the garment was pulled over her head.  Letting the gown drop to the floor, he stood back and admired the pale, curvy form of the woman he loved.  His eyes were drawn to the bruise that marred her breast from the procedure she’d had done for her tests and he closed his eyes as he leaned forward.  “Oh Elsie,” he breathed.

“Shh.  It’s just a bruise.”

Pressing a kiss over the small scar, he looked up at her.  “Still as beautiful as I remember.”

Elsie shook her head.  “Flattery will get you everywhere, Charles.”

Charles winked at her even as he was reaching out to push down her knickers.  “Lay down for me.”

Elsie settled herself amongst the pillows as she watched Charles add wood to the fire before returning back to the bed.  Watching him toe off his shoes then socks before undoing his trousers and letting them fall to the floor, she licked her lips when he stepped out of them.  Her breath hitched when he pushed down his last remaining piece of clothing and joined her, pressing his body against hers.  “It’s been much too long, Charles.”

Charles nodded his head in agreement.  “Much, much too long.”

 

~*~

 

Elsie sighed in contentment as she lay draped over her husband’s body, her head resting on his shoulder.  “Thank you,” she whispered.

“Whatever for?”  Charles asked as he caressed a finger down her spine.

“For this.  For making me feel like a woman again.”  She pushed herself up a bit and looked down at him.  “For making me forget.”

“I promised, Elsie.  And you never had to thank me for this.  It gave me as much pleasure as it did you.”

She smiled at him before settling back on his shoulder with a sigh.  Caressing an aimless pattern over his heart, she pressed a kiss to his chest.  “Beth was still upset.”

“I know, but I think it’s more to do with your health than the rest of it at this point.  I think she was grateful not to have to go back to London and leave us behind completely.”

“Charles?”

“Yes, Lass?”

“Do you think we could afford a small shop near London?”

“I’ll see what I can learn about cost and all the other things to go along with it.”

“Maybe Mr. Crawley can help.”  Elsie suggested.

“I’ll try and get time with him tomorrow and ask.”  Charles pressed a kiss to her head.  “Are you sure you want to move so far away?  We’ll be leaving our Anna, Mr. Bates, and Beryl behind.”

“I know, but,” Elsie paused and bit her bottom lip.  “I’ll miss them, but so many years have been lost with Beth.  I know that we can’t be involved completely in her life because of who she’s married to, but we could be closer.”  Her voice broke.  “Of course if I’m dying, it won’t much matter.”

“Please, Elsie.”  Charles pleaded with a choked voice.

“Shh,” she soothed as she moved to lie on her back, pulling him to her and cradling him to her breast.  “Let go, Charles.  You’ve held me, kept most of your tears to yourself, it’s your turn now.  I’m here, just as you were for me.”

Charles buried his face against her neck, letting his fear out as his tears soaked her skin.  His hand clutched her hip as sobs shook him.  He was a grown man, a man not given to tears, but every now and then a man needed to let himself feel.  There was nowhere better to break down than here in her arms, her warm body beneath him, her arms holding him tight, the sweet smell of her skin filling his nose.

Elsie’s tears ran down her cheeks into his hair as she held him, one hand cradling his head to her, the other rubbing his back.  “I hurt you when I left all those years ago.  I’m sorry.  I shouldn’t have acted so rashly.  And now,”

Pressing a kiss to her neck, Charles swallowed and pulled back to look at her.  “Now we will live each day as full as we can.”  Caressing a tear from her cheek, he took a deep breath against another sob.  “I’m sorry.  I shouldn’t have broken down like that.”

“And why shouldn’t you?  I did.  We can’t be strong all of the time, Charles.  Not when we’re facing something that could very well pull us apart forever.”  Cupping his face, Elsie stared into his watery eyes.  “I don’t want to leave you.  I don’t want to die.  I want to stay with you, to love with you, to laugh with you, to watch you be a father.  I want to grow older than we are with you right by my side.”

“I don’t want you to leave me.  I want all of those things as well, and we’ll have them as long as we possibly can.”  Turning his face and pressing a kiss to the palm of her hand, Charles closed his eyes and calmed the rest of the way down at the feel of her tender fingers caressing the hair at his temple.  “Let me love you again,” he whispered.

Settling on her side facing him, Elsie smiled as she touched her lips to his and pressed her body close.  “Charles,” she moaned when he skimmed a hand down her thigh, pulling it up over his.

Sliding easily into her, Charles rested his head against hers, his movements slow and languid.  His hands tenderly caressed her, a thumb brushing over a taut nipple.  Gazing into her darkened blue eyes, he saw her love, her fears; every emotion she often kept hidden was there for him to see.

Elsie moved closer, wrapping her arms around his neck and pressing her body as tight to his as she could.  “If I only ever had your love, I’d live forever,” she whispered as she closed her eyes and let her body take over as her tears dropped onto his skin.

Charles’ breath hitched, his own tears returning as he buried his face against her hair.  Keeping the slow steady rhythm, he couldn’t remember a time when they’d just been together for, he closed his eyes, for what?

Comfort?

No, it was more than that.

Love?

Oh yes, it was that, but it was more as well.

It was something Charles couldn’t put into words.

Something he wasn’t sure he wanted to put into words.

All he wanted to do was keep his body joined with hers.

And then he knew what it was.

It was hope.

Hope that by moving his body slowly against hers, holding her in his arms, loving her, he could will her to be okay.

 

~*~

 

Elisabeth chewed on her bottom lip.  “They’re going to leave, Charlie.”

Charlie blinked in surprise.  “What do you mean, Els?”

“I know they didn’t say anything, but there was something they were keeping from us while they were here.  I wish they’d stop holding things back and just tell me,” she huffed.

“Els, come here.”  Charlie patted the bed beside him.  Holding her close when she settled beneath the covers, he pressed a kiss to her head.  “Your parents are from the old world’s way of doing things, emotions aren’t something they show easily to anyone outside the two of them because emotions get in the way of rising within the ranks below stairs.  The only reason you know she’s sick, is because you guessed and forced their hand.  Don’t push, Sweetheart.  They’ll tell you when they’re ready.  Just be thankful that Mrs. Crawley has given us a place to stay so that you can get to know your parents without the limitations placed on them by their positions within the house.”

“Why didn’t I think?  All those years I’ve dreamed of finding them again.  I’ve always known that Mama was a housekeeper.  I,” Elisabeth sighed and shook her head.

“Els, you couldn’t have known she’d still be in service.  And how could you have known what your father does?  You’ve never known anything about him except his name.”

“I should have thought, should have asked more questions and demanded answers.”

Charlie shook his head.  “Uncle Shrimpie wouldn’t have told you anything other than what he was allowed to by the Dowager.  You knew what they wanted you to know.”

Elisabeth sighed and snuggled closer.  “I want all of this madness to end.  I just want to be able to sit down and visit with my parents without having to worry about classes.  Damned peerage system!”

Charlie smiled at her outburst.  “Easy there, dragon.”

“Charlie!”  Elisabeth smacked his chest.  “You’ve not called me that since we were youngsters.”

“Because I’ve not seen much of my Scottish dragon until now, although I suspect I’ll be seeing more of her in the coming days.”

Elisabeth smiled as she remembered the first time Charlie called her that.  “I remember the first time you called me that.”

“I remember that day, too.  I’d never seen eyes flash like that.”  Charlie rolled his eyes.  “And then you shoved me in the pond.”

“You called me a dragon!”  Elisabeth defended herself with a chuckle.

“Well the words you were spewing at me might as well have been fire.  I’d never heard a girl saying such things.  You never did tell me where you learned those particular words.”

Elisabeth smiled.  “The stable boy.”

“And in the Gaelic too.  That was what amazed me the most, I think.  That voice of yours, that accent.”  Charlie rubbed her arm.  “It’s amazing how much you sound like your mother.  I’m sure for your father it’s like looking back in time when he looks at you.”

“Probably so.  Oh Charlie,” she sighed.  “Are things ever going to be simple?”

“Life is never simple, Els.”

 

~*~

 

“Anna?”  John Bates asked his wife as he came out of their bedroom only to find her sitting on the settee staring into the fire with tears streaking her cheeks.  Moving across the room, he sat down beside her and drew her into his arms.  “What is it?”

“They’re going to leave.”  Anna whispered against his chest.  “And she,”

“And she might be dying.”  John finished causing Anna to look up at him in surprise.  “O’Brien,” he answered her unasked question.

Anna scowled.  “That woman.”

“Is a bitch.”  John supplied for her, smiling when she blinked at him then nodded her agreement of his adjective.  “She’s also the reason the Carsons are leaving.”

“Can’t we do anything?”

“I suppose I could use the phrase Thomas told me.”

“Would it work a second time?”

“Whatever it means was enough to make the woman blanch, I’d say it would work any time I choose to use it.”  Wiping at his wife’s tears, John held her gaze.  “But, I don’t think it would keep them from leaving.  Too much has happened in the last few weeks.  I’ve seen a difference in Mr. Carson.  He’s tired of the life, Anna.  It’s changing faster than he can keep up with, and not knowing if his wife is dying,”

“He wants the time to spend with her without having to worry about seeing to the running of the house.”  Anna finished, her bottom lip trembling.

“Yes.”  John nodded then stood up and tugged her with him.  “Come on then, let’s go back to bed.  I have a feeling tomorrow is going to a very long, trying day.”

“John?”

“Yes?”

“I don’t want to stay when they’re gone.  We’ve enough saved, don’t we?”

“We do, if it’s what you want.  But what about Lady Mary?”

“She’ll be upset, but I don’t want to waste anymore time.  I don’t want to be pulled apart by you going with His Lordship and me going with Lady Mary in opposite directions.  I want more than that for our baby,” she whispered the last bit.

“Baby?”

Anna smiled and nodded.  “I’d meant to tell you a bit differently, but yes, a baby.”

John gave a shout and pulled her against him, the wall bracing him so that he could hold her with both arms and let go of his cane.  “I promise we’ll leave.  I’ve no desire to work under Thomas more than I already do.”

Anna pulled back and handed him his cane.  “Come on then.  Bed is calling.”

“How do you expect me to sleep after telling me I’m going to be a father?”

“Did I mention sleep, Mr. Bates?”

 

~*~

 

Charles pulled the ribbon out of the watch pocket of his waistcoat and moved back to the bed.  “I’ve something that belongs to you.”

Elsie blinked sleepily at him.  “Yes,” she agreed.  “My heart.”

Sliding back beneath the covers, Charles shook his head.  “That wasn’t what I meant.”  He held up the rings for her to see.

“Oh.”  Elsie gasped as she sat up.  “Our rings.”

Untying the ribbon, Charles took her left hand, sliding the ring back into it’s proper home.  “Promise me you’ll never take it off again.”

Taking his ring, Elsie slid in onto his finger.  “As long as you promise the same.”

“Never again.”

“Then mine’ll stay.”  Elsie smiled as she looked down at her ring.  “It’s been so many years, but it feels as if it’s always been there.”

Charles nodded.  “The same with mine.  I suppose in a way they were.”  Reaching out, he tucked a wayward curl behind her ear, happy that she’d left her hair loose.  “I never forgot I belonged to someone, even when I left and went on stage.  All those women, throwing themselves at me.  I earned some harsh nicknames for ignoring their attentions, but I knew that my heart, that _I_ belonged to someone.”

“I never thought any different, Darling, but I’m sorry that you were called names for being faithful to me.”

Charles shrugged.  “They were no more than what I’d already called myself for being so foolish as to lose you.”

Smiling as she cupped his face, Elsie caressed his lips with her thumb.  “But I’m found now.”

“Yes, you are,” he murmured, kissing her thumb.  “Come on then, snuggle back down so we can sleep.”

“As long as you hold me.”

“Don’t I always?”  Charles asked as he blew out the candle then settled down against his pillows, spooning his body against hers.  “I’ll always hold you.”

“I love you, Charles Carson.”  Elsie whispered as she slipped into sleep.

Pressing a kiss to her head, Charles closed his eyes as he sighed, “I love you, too, Lass.”


	8. Chapter 8

A month and a week had passed and Elsie still was left wondering about her fate.  In the long weeks and days, she’d grown listless, her appetite nearly gone.  The only time her mind was half at rest was at night when Charles’ arms held her close.

They had left Downton behind, taking a room at a boarding house in the village.  Each day she spent getting to know her daughter while Charles worked with Matthew Crawley trying to find them something to do with their lives now that they were retired.

But always, always, there was the thought that it was of no use.

She could be slowly dying.

And then what purpose would all of Charles’ and Mr. Crawley’s work have?

“Elsie.”  Isobel said her name as she came into the room.

Elsie shook her head.  “Sorry.  Yes?”

“You’ve not touched your tea or food.”

“Please, Isobel, don’t.  Mrs. Patmore fusses, Charles fusses.  Everyone fusses at me to eat.  I can’t, Isobel.  The thought,” she shook her head.

Gently squeezing her arm, Isobel smiled at her friend.  “We’ve only fussed because we care.  You’ve lost weight, Elsie.  You need to eat or you’ll get sick.”

“And what does that matter if I’m dying?”

“Elsie.”  Isobel breathed.  “What if you aren’t?  You’ll have made yourself sick for nothing.”

“I’m not doing it to make myself sick.  I just,” Elsie bit her lip to keep it from trembling.  “I can’t eat.  The thought of it makes me ill.  I sleep because Charles holds me, but it isn’t restful.  All I can think of is all of the wasted years.  Charles missed his only child growing up because I ran away.  All of these years we’ve been together at Downton but so very alone.  So many things lost because of my stubborn pride.”

“You were grieving, Elsie.  Grief makes us do a great many things that we normally wouldn’t do.  When you left, you didn’t know about Elisabeth.”

“But when I found out, I should have come back.”

“You’ve said yourself you didn’t want him to simply accept you back because of the baby.”

“I should have known that he would have accepted me because he loved me.”

“And how could you have known that?  He’d been neglecting you in his own grief.”  Isobel tugged at Elsie’s hand to get her to look at her.  “When you love someone, as you and Charles love each other, pain is deep when it comes.  Stop with what ifs, Elsie.  Living in your regrets will only cause you to miss out on the here and now.  If you are indeed dying, don’t let your regrets make these last days with your family less than they should be.  Forgive yourself.”

Elsie blinked, how had her friend known?  “How did you?”

“Because, I’ve lived it myself.  I lost our first child because I exposed myself to illness when my husband had told me to stay away.  I blamed myself, couldn’t forgive myself for what I’d done, but my husband loved me.  He helped me through my grief and made me see that I was only hurting myself and our marriage.  When I was finally able to forgive myself,” Isobel paused as she smiled.  “I found myself expecting another baby…our Matthew.”

“Oh Isobel.”  Elsie sighed as she leaned into the hug her friend offered.  “I just want this all to be over.  This waiting is unbearable.”

“I know.  It was always the one thing I hated as a nurse and doctor’s wife.  The patients would ask me why it had to take so long, and I could never give them an answer that would help.  I often found myself in tears because my soft heart couldn’t take the pain I could see in their eyes.  All I can do is assure you that Dr. Clarkson isn’t making you wait for no reason.  I know that this has been bothering him and that he’s called about the tests.”

Elsie studied her friend.  “Is something going on with you and Dr. Clarkson?”

“Elsie, I,” Isobel started, stopping when Elsie gave her a knowing look.  “Oh fine.  Maybe there is.  I’m not sure.”

Squeezing her friend’s hand, Elsie held her gaze.  “If he’s interested, don’t deny the chance for happiness.”

“I promise.”  Isobel whispered, knowing what her friend hadn’t said.

“I’m so tired, Isobel.  Do you think Charles and Mr. Crawley will return soon?”

“I don’t know, Elsie.  Matthew said that he would call when they were ready to come home.”

Elsie sighed and nodded.  “Thank you again for letting Elisabeth stay here.”

“She’s a delight.”  Isobel studied her friend.  “Can’t you at least try to rest?  I’ll stay here with you.”

“It won’t work, Isobel.  I appreciate you’re trying to help, but if Charles isn’t here, I’m just going to have to get up and do something to fill my time.”

“A game with a friend?  Would that help?”

“Backgammon?”  Elsie suggested the first game that came to mind.

Isobel snarled her nose.  “I was thinking more of a card game.”

Elsie smiled.  “Not very good at Backgammon, then?”

“I hate the game.  I suppose that you have played against Mr. Carson long enough that you would beat me.”

“What makes you think I learned from Charles?”  Elsie asked, mischief in her eyes.

Isobel smiled, happy that she’d been able to distract her friend.  “I shouldn’t have supposed.  I know better.  That mind of yours, Elsie, is like steel trap.”

“So, what card game?”

“Cribbage?”

Elsie nodded.  “Alright, but I must warn you,”

Isobel held up her hand.  “Don’t.”

Elsie chuckled, “Fine then.  I won’t.”

 

~*~

 

“Are you sure this is what you want to do, Mr. Carson?”  Matthew asked as he studied the older man.  “I’m sorry for the way Mary acted.  She’s jealous, you know.”

Charles frowned.  “Jealous?”

“She thinks of you as a second father, Mr. Carson.”

Charles nodded.  “And now that I have a daughter,” he shook his head and didn’t finish.

“Exactly.”  Matthew shrugged.  “Of course, she’s lost you anyway, so it was all for naught.”

“I’m sorry, Mr. Crawley.”

“No need to be, Mr. Carson.  She’s not used to not getting her way.  She’ll learn eventually.”

Charles nodded.  “To answer your earlier question, I’m sure.  Elsie wanted us to try and find a little shop close to London and this will be perfect.  I don’t want to spend our retirement working as hard as we’ve worked our whole lives.  This will also take care of a home.”

“And it won’t hurt you financially?”

Charles smiled at the young man.  “No.  I’ve been very careful with my money over the years and have done a bit of investing.  Nothing elaborate, mind, but enough that Mrs. Carson and I will be well set.”

Matthew smiled at Charles and shook his head.  “You’re a man of many secrets, Mr. Carson.  Although I suspect the Dowager knew of your investments.”

“She does.  She’s the one who suggested that I do so.”

“Wise woman.”

“If only the family would remember that.”

“I’ll not be forgetting it, Mr. Carson.”  Matthew assured the man.  “Now, you said something about going to a shop to pick something up for Mrs. Carson before we leave?”

“Everything is done that needs to be?”  Charles asked.

“Everything that can be at the moment.  I’ll bring the papers to you when they’re ready for your signature.”

“Thank you, Mr. Crawley.”

“It’s the least I could do, Mr. Carson.  Let me phone Mother and then we’ll be on our way.”

Charles nodded and stood up to get his coat and hat.  Elsie he knew would be tired, and the sooner he got home, he shrugged at the rest of the thought.  He knew that her sleep wasn’t restful, and wished there was something more he could do.  She’d assured him that his holding her was more than enough, but he still felt helpless.

How does a man stand by and watch fear and worry eat away at his wife?

How does a man stand by and watch the woman he loves waste away?

“Mr. Carson?”  Matthew touched Charles’ arm.

“Sorry.”  Charles shook his head.  “Lost in thought.”

“Mrs. Carson?”

Charles nodded.  “Whatever comes your way, don’t let it tear your marriage apart.  She must always be more important than anything.”

“I promise, Mr. Carson.  Mary is the most important thing in my life.”

“Let’s go then.  I don’t want to miss my friend at his shop.”

“I’ll need to thank Mr. Stratford for the use of his office as we make our way out, I won’t be a minute.”

“Fine.  I’ll just wait outside.”

Matthew watched the man go and sighed.  He’d promised to always keep Mary the most important thing in his life, a promise he intended to keep…if only to keep from breaking Charles’ Carson’s heart anymore than it already was.

 

~*~

 

“Elsie, you’ve a couple of visitors.”  Isobel smiled as she came into the room.

Elsie looked up from staring at the fire and smiled tiredly.  “Anna.  Mr. Bates.”

John smiled and gave her a pointed look.  “I believe, Mrs. Carson, you can call me John now.  We’ve no reason for formalities anymore.”

“Alright.”  Elsie agreed as she watched John sit next to Anna on the settee.  “Now, what brings the both of you here?  Shouldn’t you be up at the house?”

John raised an eyebrow at the question.  “You don’t know?”

“Know?”  Elsie asked.  “Know what?”

“Our last day was yesterday, Mrs. Carson.”

“John?  Anna?  What?  Why?”

Anna stared down at her hands in her lap.  “I couldn’t stay without you and Mr. Carson.  I didn’t want to stay.  Besides,” she smiled as she looked up at the woman who’d been like a mother.  “We’ve a baby to think about.”

Elsie’s eyes brightened as she reached out to squeeze the younger woman’s hand.  “Oh, Anna.  That’s wonderful.  What are the two of you going to do?”

“We thought we would move into my mother’s house.  The tenants have moved out, so it’s sitting empty.  We’ve enough saved that we can buy a small shop, or we might turn the house into a boarding house.”

Elsie shook her head.  “Oh no.  Don’t do that.  Not with a wee one on the way.”

Anna chuckled.  “Oh, Mrs. Carson.  Will you,” she bit her lip and looked at John.

“What Anna wants to ask is, will you and Mr. Carson be the baby’s honorary grandparents?  Anna and I haven’t parents anymore, and the two of you have taken such good care of us, we couldn’t think of anyone else better.”

Elsie’s eyes watered.  “I can’t promise,” she whispered.

Anna moved and knelt down in front of Elsie, wrapping her arms around her.  “I never had the nerve to do this before,” she whispered.  “I’m so sorry, Mrs. Carson.”

Elsie held the young woman.  “I wasn’t very approachable over the years.  Downton’s Scottish Dragon, you know.”

“Not a dragon.”  John disagreed.  “Well, not always,” he amended when he thought about how she’d forced him to tell her the truth about the limp corrector.

Elsie chuckled then wiped at Anna’s tears when she leaned back.  “Go sit back down, Anna.  No need to hurt your knees.”

Anna got up and took her place next to John.  “It was O’Brien that gave you that name.”

“I’ve earned it over the years, I suppose.  We never did get along.”

“No one but Lady Grantham and Thomas got along with the woman.”  John growled.

“And lately, Thomas doesn’t even get along with her.  All they’ve done since Alfred came to Downton is fight.”  Anna sighed and shook her head, thinking of all the headaches the two had caused.

“Because Thomas won’t leave the boy alone.”  John shook his head.  “His Lordship was upset when I told him I’d be leaving.”

“And Lady Mary?”  Elsie asked, already certain she knew how the young spoiled woman had acted.

“She’s not speaking to me.”  Anna sighed and shrugged her shoulders.  “Lady Edith and Lady Sybil were both very happy for us.  Lady Mary will be once she gets over the shock of me actually leaving.”

Elsie just smiled.  “Would you like some tea?  Mr. Carson and Mr. Crawley should be home soon, and I know that Mr. Carson would enjoy hearing your news.”

“We don’t want to overstay our welcome.”

“You’re not.”  Isobel told them as she came into the room with a tea tray.  “Elsie was beating me mercilessly at Cribbage.  You coming by saved me.”

John laughed, “Doesn’t surprise me.”

“I tried to warn her.”  Elsie said as she shrugged her shoulders and took the cup of tea Isobel held out.

Anna giggled before taking a sip of her tea.  “I’m glad we came by today.”

Elsie looked up at the young woman and gave her a smile.  “So am I, Anna.  So am I.”

 

~*~

 

Elisabeth studied her parents.  Her mother was curled against her father, his arms wrapped protectively around her.  She and Charlie had had a few errands to run and had only returned an hour before.  They’d spend the time talking with Elsie and Charles until Charlie had said he was tired and they’d gone up to bed, but her parents had stayed in the sunroom, staring out at the moon and talking quietly.  Her mother looked so small against her father, and it broke her heart to see her looking so fragile.

She knew without being told that her mother was tired.  She’d seen it in her eyes.  The fact that they were still here attested to the fact.  Moving further into the room, she touched her father’s shoulder gently.

“Da,” she whispered.

Charles looked up at her.  “What is it, Bethy?”

“Mrs. Crawley says to bring Mama upstairs.  She told me to tell you not to argue, that there’s plenty of room, and that she’ll not have you disturbing Mama just to walk to your boarding house.”

Charles shook his head.  Isobel Crawley was one stubborn woman, much as his Elsie was, but she was right.  There was no sense in disturbing Elsie anymore than was necessary.  “Alright,” he whispered.  Carefully resituating Elsie, he stood up with her in his arms and followed Elisabeth, smiling at Isobel when they met her at the top of the stairs.  “Goodnight, Bethy.”

Standing on tiptoes, Elisabeth pressed a kiss to her father’s cheek.  “Goodnight, Da.”

Isobel opened the door of the spare bedroom and followed Charles in, turning down the bed.  “There’s a nightdress for Elsie at the foot of the bed.  I’m afraid I’ve nothing you can use.”

“It’s alright.”  Charles smiled at her.  “I’ll manage.  Thank you.”

Isobel nodded and backed out of the room.  “Goodnight, Charles.”

“Goodnight.”  Charles whispered then turned his attention back to Elsie.  Thankful for his years of training that gave him a soft touch, he eased Elsie out of her shoes and stockings without much fuss.  He smiled in gratitude that she was wearing a blouse and skirt instead of one of her dresses as he unbuttoned her blouse before sitting her up and letting her rest against him.

“Charles?”  Elsie whispered as she blinked sleepily up at him.  “What are you doing?”

Caressing her cheek, Charles kissed her nose.  “I was trying to undress you so I could put this nightdress on you.  I didn’t want to wake you.”

Elsie smiled and kissed his cheek.  “Where are we?” she asked as she sat up and pulled her blouse off.

“In one of the spare rooms at Crawley House.  You fell asleep and Isobel didn’t want you to be disturbed so she offered,” Charles frowned.  “Well, she told me we were staying here.”

Elsie laughed as she stood to take off the rest of her clothes.  “She’s rather hard to argue with,” she whispered as she slid the nightdress over her head.

“Much like a blue eyed Scottish lass I know.”  Charles smiled at his wife when she came to stand between his legs, her small hands cupping his cheeks.

“She’s been good to me, Charles.  All day she’s kept me company, doing everything she can to keep my mind occupied.  Poor thing, she even played Cribbage with me.”

Charles scowled at that.  “Poor thing indeed.  Didn’t you warn her?”

“I tried.”  Elsie smiled as she caressed his face.  “I’m tired, Charles.  So very tired.”

“I know you are, and I know that your sleep hasn’t been restful.”  Charles whispered as he caressed the telling dark circles under her eyes.  “I would take it all, Lass, if I could.”  His fingers worked their way into her hair, gently pulling the pins out and laying them on the bedside table.

Elsie sighed as she closed her eyes, letting her head fall forward as Charles tenderly combed his fingers through her hair.  “I know you would, Darling, but I wouldn’t want you to.  It would hurt and worry me more if you were the one facing this.”

“I have something for you,” he whispered.

Elsie opened her eyes and looked down at him.  “Oh?”

“Mmm hmm.”  Charles smiled as he reached into his pocket and pulled out the small square box.

Elsie blinked, knowing what was usually in that kind of box.  “Charles?  What have you done?”

“Bought you something you should have had a long time ago,” he answered as he opened the lid.

“Oh.”  Elsie gasped as she held out her shaking left hand for him to slide the ring into place.  “It’s beautiful,” she breathed as she stared down at the small sapphire set simply on a gold band.

“It isn’t fancy, but it made me think of your eyes.”

Elsie felt her eyes water as she wrapped her arms around Charles’ neck.  “I should scold you for spending money on me, but I won’t.  I’ll simply tell you that I love you.”

Pressing a kiss to her head, Charles caressed her back.  “Why don’t you climb into bed?”

Elsie pulled back and nodded.  Slipping beneath the covers, she smiled when he tucked them around her.  “Tuck them too tight, Mr. Carson, and you’ll not have room to snuggle me.”

“Oh, there’ll be room, Mrs. Carson,” he growled at her.  “There’ll be room.”

Elsie watched him as he moved about starting a fire then stripping down to his under clothes.  Turning on her side, she let her eyes drift shut when his body spooned against hers, his arms pulling her against him and holding her tight.  “Goodnight, Charles.”

“Goodnight, Lass.  Rest easy,” he whispered as he pressed a kiss to her ear.

“I think I may tonight.”  Elsie slurred as sleep claimed her once again.

Charles sighed as she relaxed completely against him, hoping that she was right.  She needed rest.  She needed to eat as well, but that was something he couldn’t force her to do without making her sick.  Holding her night after night, he felt how much weight she’d lost.  Her clothes were showing it as well as they hung oddly on her even though she’d taken them in just a week ago. 

As he drifted off to sleep, he thought that maybe tomorrow he would ask Mrs. Crawley to take Elsie shopping.


	9. Chapter 9

“Richard?”  Isobel looked at the man standing at her door.  “What is it?”

“May I come in?”

“Of course.”  Isobel moved to let him pass.  “I’m sorry for my manners.  May I offer you something to drink?”

“No.  I’m here to see if you know where Mr. and Mrs. Carson are.”

Isobel felt her heart lurch.  “The tests?”

“Yes.  Do you know where I can find them?”

“They’re off with Matthew.  I’ll phone his office and see if he’s there.”

“Thank you.”

Isobel moved on shaking legs, praying as she went that the news was good.  She wanted desperately to ask Richard, but knew that the news should be Elsie’s first.  Making the call quickly, she sighed when she got Matthew but was told that the Carsons weren’t with him.  Frustration mounting, she put a call through to the Cameron household, hoping that she would find her friends there.

Richard watched Isobel as she called about trying to find the Carsons.  He could see how badly her hands were shaking.  He knew that she was worried what the news he brought would be, and he wished that he could tell her, but the news belonged to the Carsons and to no one else before.

“I’m sorry.  I can’t find them.  Mr. Carson it seems took Mrs. Carson somewhere, but he didn’t tell anyone where.”

Richard sighed, “Well, when you hear from them, or when they return, have them come to see me at the hospital, please?”

“I will.  It’s time Elsie finds out the results so she can know one way or the other what to do.”  Isobel sighed as she looked up at Richard.  “She’s wasting away.  I took her shopping to buy new clothes two weeks ago now, and she’s already having to take the clothes in.  When she sleeps, it isn’t restful.  We’ve tried to get her to eat, but when she gives in and tries, it only makes her sick.  The worry is eating her alive, Richard.”

“Isobel?”  Richard asked as he took off his hat and coat, moving to where she still sat at the small desk.  “May I hold you?”

Isobel blinked up at the man whose soft spoken question startled her.  Remembering Elsie’s words from days ago, she nodded and stood up into his open arms.  Letting her head rest against his shoulder, she closed her eyes as his gentle strength filled her, his warmth spreading over her.  “It’s been a very long time,” she whispered.

“What made you give in?”  Richard asked as he caressed her neck with his thumb.

“Elsie told me not to deny the chance for happiness.  I made a promise because I understood what she hadn’t said.  I wasn’t sure if you were really interested though.”

“And are you sure now?”  Richard asked as he held her away from him and studied her eyes.

“Yes,” she answered as she rested her head back against his shoulder.

“Oh Isobel.”  Richard whispered before pressing a kiss to the top of her head.  “I wasn’t sure if you would have me.”

“Why wouldn’t I?”

“The family.”

“Richard, since when have I let the family dictate my life?”

Richard chuckled, “Never.”

“Right.  Now,” she smiled as she pulled back.  “Can you stay for luncheon?”

“I can, but then I must return to the hospital.”

Isobel took his hand and led him through to the kitchen.  “Keep me company while I fix us something to eat?”

“Nothing would please me more.”

“Richard?”  Isobel tugged at his hand to stop him.

“What is it?”

“Please don’t break her heart,” she pleaded with a trembling voice.

Not answering, Richard merely cupped Isobel’s face in his hand and titled it forward to press a kiss to her brow.

 

~*~

 

Elsie sighed as she leaned back against Charles.  “It’s beautiful here.”

“I knew you would think so, that’s why I decided to bring you.”

“You wanted me to have some peace and quiet.”

Nuzzling her neck gently, Charles hummed, “I did.”

“Charles.”  Elsie breathed as she looked around to make sure no one could see them.  “We’re in public.”

“And alone.  I’m only kissing your neck, Lass.”

Elsie smiled at that and let her head fall back against his chest.  “My ever proper Mr. Carson, nuzzling me in public.  Who would have thought?”

Squeezing her waist gently, Charles felt his heart stutter in his chest at the way his hands nearly met across her stomach.  “Oh Elsie,” he whispered, his breath catching.

Turning, Elsie looked up at him, her hand cupping his cheek.  “What is it?”

“You’ve lost so much weight.  I,” he shook his head and pulled her close.

“You hold me every night, Darling.  Why has it bothered you now?”

“I’ve not been able to touch my hands around your waist since our early years together.  Just now,” he shook his head again.  “It just hit home, I suppose.”

“I needed to lose weight anyway, Mr. Carson.”  She smiled when he looked at her.  “Besides, I have new dresses.  It’s been a while since I’ve had this many dresses to wear.”

Pulling her close, Charles held her tightly, her gentle caress over his heart helping to calm his rapid pulse.  “I’m sorry, Lass.”

“Shh.  It’s alright.”  Leaning back, she cupped his cheek.  “You never need to apologize for showing me that you love me.”

“I do, Elsie.  So very much.  I shall be lost if I lose you.”

“No, Darling.  You’ll not be lost.  You’ve your Bethy to help ease the ache.”  Caressing his cheek with her thumb, Elsie held his gaze.  “In her you’ll always have a part of me no matter what happens.”

Pulling her back against him, Charles pressed his face into her neck.  “Part of me will always be lost if I lose you, even with Bethy.  You’re the part of me that’s good and right, Elsie Carson.”

Elsie sighed as she let her eyes close.  The birds chirped from their perches in the trees, the breeze stirred the air around them, causing her to shiver.  “Take me home, Charles,” she whispered.  “I could use a good cuddle by the fire.”

Caressing her face when he pulled back, Charles nodded.  “I’ll hold you on my lap and read to you.  How does that sound?”

“Sounds like the perfect way to spend the rest of the day.”

 

~*~

 

Beryl Patmore sighed as she stared down into her tea cup.  “You don’t know where they are?” she asked as she looked up at Elisabeth.

“I’m sorry, Mrs. Patmore.  No one knows where Da took Mama.”

Nodding, the older woman stared down into her tea once more then a sudden thought crossed her mind and she smiled.  “I think I have an idea where he took her.”

“Oh?”

“It’s a lovely little quiet place Mr. Carson once told me he goes to during the Season when he takes time for himself.  The way your mama has been feeling lately, I think they would be just the place he’d take her to.  She’s always loved nature and the stillness of it.”

“Mrs. Patmore?”  Elisabeth asked, her voice a bit hesitant.

“What is it?”

“Tell me about them.  You’ve known them a long time.  So many things I want to ask, but am too afraid to.”

Beryl smiled.  “What would like to know, Child?”

“Did you know Da first?”

“I did.  I’ve known Charles Carson since he was just a hall boy.”  She laughed then cleared her throat.  “That was only until his voice quit squeaking and his limbs weren’t as spindly and clumsy.  It wasn’t long until he was a footman.  By the time Elsie came along, he had moved his way up to first footman and was some time valet to the young Mr. Crawley before he became Lord Grantham.  Your father was always the favorite of the Dowager, still is.”

“What did Da think of Mama when he first met her?”

Bery laughed and shook her head.  “Love struck fool, he was.  I remember hearing the housekeeper muttering under her breath about not having time for overgrown, lovesick, footmen mussing about with her maids.  Elsie Hughes was a wonder to us all.  She was the first in the household to come from somewhere other than England, so she was a bit of a novelty.  Even old Lord Grantham was amused by her and would manage to sometimes wind up in a room Elsie was dusting in, just to hear her mutter a Scottish curse when a particularly stubborn bit of dust would wind up in her nose and make her sneeze.  She wasn’t long as just a housemaid.  Only half a year and then she was head housemaid.  The housekeeper, old Mrs. Williams, started training Elsie to take over for her shortly after the promotion.”

“How did they marry?”

“Your mother and father don’t know that I know this, and it probably isn’t my place to tell you, but it would only hurt your mother to remember.”  Beryl took a deep breath.  “There was a second footman.  Big, boorish lad.  He was always all over the maids.  The girls all enjoyed his attentions, and if he was ever forceful, none of them said.  But Elsie wasn’t like the other girls and wanted nothing of his attentions.  He attacked her in the dark hallway of the bachelor’s corridor.  Fortunately for your mother, unfortunately for Timothy, Charles happened upon them.  Although he didn’t know it was Elsie at the time.  He only learned that after he’d startled the boy and pulled him off.  Timothy was gone soon after.  From that moment on, Elsie and Charles were inseparable.  It wasn’t long after that Charles was going to the Dowager and asking her what to do.”

“And because Da was her favorite, she told him he and Mama wouldn’t lose their positions if they married.”

“Right.  The poor old Lord didn’t stand a chance when he tried to argue that servants didn’t marry.  The old woman was every bit as pushy then as she is now.”

Elisabeth laughed at that.  “Well at least you said woman not bat.”

Beryl chuckled, “No.  That’d be what Elsie calls her.”

“And my Charlie.”

“Not a fan of the Dowager, is he?”

“Not at all.  Although, after what we’ve learned about what she did for Da and Mama,” Elisabeth paused and shrugged.  “He’s softened a bit toward her.”

“So has Elsie.”

“Were Mama and Da happy?”

“They were very happy, Child.  Work was hard, and their days were long and spent apart, but they had each meal and the evenings after work was done.”

“Where did they live?”

“The Dowager insisted that they be given a room there in the house.  It was one off in one of the unused parts of the house, a small room close to the servant’s stairs.  Nothing like this last one they were in before they left, but enough that they were together.”

“And I know the rest from there.”  Elisabeth whispered as she studied her hands.  “How could Da let the family upstairs and that blasted house replace Mama?”

Beryl reached out and squeezed the young woman’s hands.  “He was grieving.  They both were.  It was grief like neither of them had ever experienced, and they didn’t know how to deal with it.  She needed him, he needed her, but somehow they managed to pull away from each other.  Lady Mary was just a babe and in his grief, he would go to her nursery and watch her sleep.  Some times he’d hold her when she’d wake and cry.  She was stealing his heart while Elsie’s was breaking.”  Gently titling Elisabeth’s face up, the cook smiled.  “Don’t blame him, Elisabeth.  Grief can make us do things, make us hurt people we should be loving, without realizing it.  Charles was lost in the pain.  He’s never been one to know what to do with strong, overwhelming emotions.  If it hadn’t been for your mother being attacked by that foolish Timothy, I don’t know that Charles would ever have been with her.  Elsie in her grief and pain chose to run away.  It hurt him.  They were both so very lost.”

“Thank you, Mrs. Patmore.  You’re a great friend to them.  I know they miss you.”

“I miss them.  The house isn’t what it used to be.  I’m the only old one left now and it’s a bit lonely.”

“Mrs. Patmore?”

“Yes?”

“I’ve one more question.”

Beryl studied the young woman and sighed, “You want to know what happened the day of the luncheon.”

Elisabeth nodded.  “I do.”

“I’m guessing you already know that your father was upset by all of the mess.”

“Yes.  And I know that upset Mama.”

“It did.  She followed him outside and they walked out to the pond.  She broke that day.  All the years of pain, and the fears, and everything poured out of her as he held her.  Your mother’s a strong woman.  Her emotions are always held deep inside and everything kept bottled up.  She needed that release.  She cried herself to sleep.  I helped him get her into the house without them being seen by starting a row with Daisy.”

“I heard Lady Grantham talking about that.  Evidently her maid had complained.”

Beryl rolled her eyes.  “Blasted woman.  That Miss O’Brien complains about everything.”

“Why does Lady Grantham like the woman?”

“None of us have ever understood that.”  Beryl smirked.  “Of course, now that she’s gotten her way and gotten rid of your parents and Bates and Anna, she’s wishin’ she hadn’t complained so much.  Their replacements are,” she shook her head.  “Well.  They’re not Charles and Elsie or Bates and Anna.”

“In other words, they’re worse?”

“Enough so that Miss O’Brien is regretting her decision to do whatever she could to see the others leave.”

“Serves her right.  Although I’m sorry for the rest of you.”

“It’s alright, Child.  We’ll be fine.  I should go.  I’ve only half a day and it’s nearly time for me to be back at the big house.  Tell your mother I was here, please?  I don’t want her to think I’ve forgotten her.”

“I’ll tell her.  And I assure you, Mrs. Patmore, Mama doesn’t think you’ve forgotten her.”

“And tell them, when they hear the results, they must let me know.”

“I promise.  You’ll be one of the first they tell.”  Reaching out, Elisabeth squeezed Beryl’s hand.  “Thank you so very much for being there for Mama in the beginning.  She’s told me how it was you who helped her stay calm enough to go to the doctor.”

“No thanks necessary, Child.  I was only doing what any friend would do.”

 

~*~

 

“Oh Elsie!”  Isobel rushed her friend when she opened the door to find the Carsons standing on the other side.

“Isobel?”  Elsie asked as she held her friend’s arms.  “What is it?”

Taking a calming breath, Isobel clasped her friend’s hand.  “Dr. Clarkson wants to see you.”

Elsie stumbled back a bit, caught against Charles’ chest.  “Oh.”

Charles squeezed her arms.  “Easy, Elsie.”

Elsie took a deep breath.  “Let’s go and get this over with,” she finally managed, her voice low.

Charles looked at Isobel.  “We’ll be back shortly.  Don’t tell Bethy.”

“I’ve not said a word to anyone and I won’t.  Elisabeth and Charlie aren’t here anyway.  His parents demanded a meeting.”

Charles rolled his eyes.  “I’m surprised it’s taken them this long,” he mumbled as he turned Elsie and wrapped his arm around her, holding her close.  “Come on then, Lass.”

Elsie wrapped her arm around his waist, her hand holding tightly to his waist.  “I feel sick, Charles.”

“Take deep breaths, Elsie.  Deep breaths.”

Taking several deep breaths, Elsie shook her head, her stomach rolling.  “It isn’t working,” she hissed as she rushed to a tree.

Charles stood on the other side of her to block her from view, giving her as much privacy as he could.  His heart broke at the sound of her retching, knowing that it was fear causing the reaction.  Holding out his handkerchief to her when she finished, he smiled at her when she wiped her mouth.  “I’ll go back to the house and get you a glass of water.”

“No need, Charles.”  Isobel spoke up from behind them, smiling kindly when he turned to her.  “I brought a small flask so you can take it with you.”

Taking the flask from her, Charles nodded his thanks.  “Here, Elsie.”

Elsie sipped at the water, taking just enough to rinse her mouth before spitting it back out.  “Thank you, Isobel.”  Her hand shook as she handed the flask back to Charles.  “I’m sorry for that.”

Laying her hand on Elsie’s arm, Isobel smiled at her.  “No need to apologize.  Just go to the hospital and find out the results.  The rain that’s moving in will take care of the rest.”

Elsie nodded and turned back to Charles.  “Let’s try again, Mr. Carson.”

Charles tucked the flask into his coat pocket, wrapped his arm back around Elsie and gently led her on down the drive out to the road, making their way toward the hospital.  He could feel her trembling against him and held her a bit tighter.  “Are you alright, Elsie?”

“Just hold on to me, Charles.  I’m not sure my legs will hold me up if you let me go.”

“I’m not going to let you go, Lass.  You know that.”  Charles smiled at her when she looked up at him.

Elsie nodded and gave him a shaky smile.  “I do know that.  Can I have a drink of water?  My mouth is suddenly very dry.”

Charles stopped and pulled the flask from his pocket.  “Here you are.”  He helped her hold the flask up as she took a small sip, her hands too shaky to hold it steady enough to keep from making a mess.

“What if he isn’t there?”  Elsie asked as they started on their way again.

“I’m sure he will be.”

“What if he’s been called out to an emergency?”

Stopping just outside the hospital entrance, Charles turned Elsie to look at him.  “I know you’re frightened.  So am I.  If Dr. Clarkson isn’t here, we’ll wait.  Either way, we’ll learn the results today.  Whether it’s now, or a little while later.”

Elsie closed her eyes, tears slipping from beneath her lashes as Charles’ lips brushed softly against hers.  Opening them a few moments later, she sniffed as his hands wiped away her tears.  Taking a deep breath, she held his gaze.  “I’m ready now.”

Charles nodded.  Taking her hand, he opened the door and let her go through before him.  Seeing a nurse, he asked her if Dr. Clarkson was there, and felt Elsie sag against him in relief when the nurse offered to show them to the doctor’s office.  “Won’t be long now,” he whispered and felt her squeeze his hand.

 

~*~

 

“I’ll give you two some privacy.  Use my office as long as you need.”  Richard told Charles and Elsie as he walked around his desk.

Charles nodded.  “Thank you.”

Elsie sat staring down at her hands, hands which had fisted in the skirt of her dress in the vain hope of stilling their trembling.  “Charles,” she whispered.

“I’m right here, Lass.”

Elsie looked up at him, her blue eyes sparkling with tears.  “Did he say what I think he did?  I can’t trust my ears.”

Standing, Charles drew her up into his arms and held her against him, his face buried in her neck.  “Yes, Elsie,” he breathed, his own tears falling unnoticed down his cheeks.

Clutching at the lapels of his coat, Elsie shuddered as a sob escaped.  “It’s over.”

“Yes,” he whispered as he pulled back, looking down at her.  Cupping her face in his hands, he wiped at her cheeks with his thumbs.

Reaching up, Elsie caught a tear with her finger before resting her hand against his cheek.  “We’ve family and friends to tell.”

Charles nodded.  “I know that we do, but,” he swallowed.  “Let me take you home first.  I just need some time.”

“I was going to ask you to take me home, so I’ve no problem with that.”  Elsie pulled her handkerchief from the sleeve of her dress.  Wiping at his eyes, she smiled when he took the soft cloth from her hand and did the same for her.  “Am I presentable?”

“You’re always presentable, Lass.”  Charles kissed her nose then brushed her lips softly.  “Should we ask Dr. Clarkson to go tell Isobel?  Or would you like to?”

“No, I think Dr. Clarkson can do it.  But he needs to be careful that Elisabeth doesn’t hear.”

“Remember?  She and Charlie are with his parents.”

“Oh.”  Elsie nodded.  “Right.  Well then, let’s go find Dr. Clarkson.”

Charles held her hand as the made their way to the door, then he paused and turned toward her.  Lifting her off her feet, he held her to him.  “You’re going to live, Elsie Carson,” he breathed.  “You’re going to live!”

Elsie smiled down at him, tears rolling down her cheeks once again as she held his face.  “Yes, Charles Carson, I am.”  She kissed him then pulled back.  “Take me home and show me how alive we both are.”

 

~*~

 

Elsie’s back arched as Charles’ mouth suckled a taut nipple, his hand busy caressing her thigh while the other was used to brace his weight from completely crushing her.  Her fingers tangled in his hair as she cried out, forgetting where they were, what time of day it was.  Her mind whirled with the sensations his attack and counter attacks on her senses were creating.

Charles felt her body trembling, knew that she was near climax, and smiled wickedly as he looked up at her.  Thrusting his body forward, he held her startled gaze as his body was sheathed in hers, causing her release to roll over her in a hard, sudden rush.  “That’s it, Elsie.  Be alive, Lass.  Be alive!”

Elsie fell all the way over the edge with his words, her body writhing beneath his as she clung to him, her release prolonged by his movements.  Hard and steady, in and out, she felt as though every nerve in her body was on fire.  And perhaps they were.  The heat that burned through her, caused a fine sheen of sweat to pop out over her skin, her hair growing damp and sticking to her face as her body clutched at Charles’ from the inside, her arms and legs from the outside.  Moving with him, meeting forward thrusts with upward thrusts of her hips, she heard herself whimpering, murmuring his name as a chanted mantra.

The feel of her so tight and needy, clutching at him from the inside and out, the sound of his name falling from her lips, all of it worked together to send Charles into a tailspin of nothing but sensations.  His body taking over, his rhythm was lost, the thrusts of his hips wild and erratic as he found just enough control to slip his hand down between them to touch her, sending her with a low keening wail into her climax, bringing his on, his mind shutting off completely, no thought but that of the feel of his muscles quivering and jerking before collapse.

Elsie panted as she tried to catch her breath and calm her wildly beating heart.  Wrapping her trembling arms back around Charles, she squeezed him as well as she could.  “Dear god, Charles.  I feel more alive than I have in such a long time,” she breathed.

Nuzzling her neck, Charles settled himself more comfortably, his body draped partially over hers.  “Then I’ve done what you asked of me.”

“Oh yes, Darling.  Oh yes.”


	10. Chapter 10

Elisabeth clung to her mother, her sobs quieted now to nothing but tears and sniffs.  “I was so afraid, Mama.  I,” she bit her lip.  “I remember finding you when I was little.  I couldn’t wake you.  My crying is what brought the family in to see what the matter was.”

“Oh Beth.”  Elsie whispered as she caressed her daughter’s back.  “Why didn’t you tell me before?  I’m so sorry.”

Snuggling closer, Elisabeth sniffed again, then sighed as her mother’s scent filled her nose.  “I didn’t want you to do that.  You didn’t upset me on purpose.  There’s no reason to apologize.”  Pulling back, she caressed a tear from Elsie’s cheek.  “I lost you then,”

“But you’ll not lose me now.”

Flinging her arms back around Elsie, Elisabeth held her tightly.  “Oh Mama.”

“Hush now.”  Elsie smiled at Charles when he sat down behind Elisabeth.

“Bethy.”  Charles whispered, smiling when she sat up and turned to look at him.  “No more tears.  We’ve shed enough of those.”

Elisabeth smiled and leaned into her father’s open arms.  “Alright, Da.  I’m so happy we won’t lose her,” she whispered as she leaned back enough so that she could look up at him.  “I’d have lost you, too, if the news hadn’t been good.”

Charles blinked as he looked at Elsie over Elisabeth’s head.  How had their daughter known?  “But it’s done and over with now.  Now we need to think about fixing things for you with your father and mother-in-law.”

“Don’t worry about them, Mr. Carson.”  Charlie smiled.  “My mother and father just need to turn their attentions elsewhere.”

“I can tell you who’s started the gossip in the papers.”  Elsie mumbled.

“Oh?”  Charlie asked, not missing the tone of her voice.

“Sir Richard Carlisle.”

Charlie rolled his eyes.  “I should have known.”

“Wasn’t he engaged to Lady Mary?” Elisabeth asked.

“He was.”

Charlie nodded.  “I remember that whole mess.  Well now that I know that,” he grinned.  “I have a few things to say to Sir Carlisle.”

Elsie arched an eyebrow.  “Oh?”

“Never mind, Mama.”  Charlie smiled at the shocked look on her face.  “Well you are my mother now.”

Elsie’s smile was a bit wobbly as she nodded at the young man.  “I suppose I am.  But won’t it bother your mother?”

“I don’t call her Mama.  She insists on being called Mother.”  Charlie looked at Charles.  “Would you mind terribly if I called you Da like Els?  My own father has always demanded being addressed as Father.  I was always envious of the other children I’d hear calling their father’s Da or their mother’s Mam, or Mama.”

Charles blinked in surprise as he looked at Elsie who simply nodded and smiled at him in encouragement.  Turning back to his son-in-law, he nodded.  “I don’t mind at all.  I only ask that if we’re in the presence of your parents you don’t refer to Elsie or I by the familiar names.  I don’t see the need to point out your parents’ short comings with them in the room.”

Charlie laughed, “You’ve more propriety in your little finger than most of the upper crust does, but alright.  I agree.”

“Do you think we’ll ever be around your parents?  I’m sure they want nothing to do with lower class retired servants.”  Elsie studied her son-in-law’s reaction.

“Holidays will most likely be the only times.  I’ve agreed to your terms about my use of Mama and Da, now I have a term of my own.  Stop referring to yourselves as servants, retired or otherwise.  The peerage system is something I loathe.  I’m no better than you just because I was born into a title.”

Elisabeth nodded her agreement.  “I agree.  I hate hearing you talk about yourselves that way.  You’re my parents, simple as that.”

Charles smiled as he pressed a kiss to his daughter’s forehead.  “Well, soon we’ll be shop owners.”

“I’m so excited.”  Elisabeth smiled up at him as she squeezed his hand.  “What kind of shop is it, Da?”

“Oh nothing overly exciting, just trinkets and a few sweeties.  I didn’t want anything that would take a lot of time and effort.”

“And John Bates will be helping us, so your father and I will have more time off than we’ve ever had.”  Elsie smiled at Charles.  “But, Darling, who may I ask will be making the sweeties?”

“Well, no one.  They’ll be hard candies we buy from a supplier.”

“Ah.  Good.  Because I have never been the best at making sweet treats.”  Elsie’s eyes twinkled.  “Well, except apple tart.”

“Oh.”  Charles huffed then laughed and shook his head.

“Da’s favorite?”  Elisabeth asked as she moved to sit by Charlie, smiling when her parents scooted closer, her father’s arm wrapping around her mother’s shoulders.

“His absolute favorite.  Mrs. Patmore always made him one for his birthday instead of a cake.”

“Elsie!”

Elsie looked up at the sound of her name, smiling when she saw Isobel standing in the doorway, tears in her eyes.  Standing, she moved to her friend and embraced her.  “I hope you don’t mind that we asked Dr. Clarkson to tell you the news.”

“No.”  Isobel shook her head when she pulled back.  “I understand.  I’m just so very happy everything is alright.  We’ve just come from telling Mrs. Patmore.  She asked me to tell you she would see you this evening.”

Elsie nodded.  “We need to tell John and Anna as well, but I have no idea how to get in touch with them.”

“I’m sure they’ll contact you soon.”  Isobel assured then turned her attention to Charles.  “Would you mind if I borrow your wife for a few moments?  I promise to bring her back.”

Charles chuckled at the teasing.  “Well, since you promised to bring her back, I don’t suppose I mind.”

Elsie shook her head.  “I’m not property, you know,” she huffed good naturedly.

Charles smiled at her.  “Something I’m very happy about,” he told her, a twinkle in his eye.

“Oh!”  Elsie blushed and shook her head at him.  “Come on then, Isobel,” she turned to her friend, choosing to ignore her husband’s teasing.

Isobel laughed as she led Elsie out of the room and up the stairs.  “I never thought I would see Charles Carson teasing.”

“He’s changed since we left the Abbey.  That,” Elsie shrugged.  “Today has been a good day for the both of us.  He’s a little giddy, I suppose.”

Isobel grasped Elsie’s hand.  “He’s every right to be giddy.  I know how afraid he must have been, even though he didn’t show it.  He’d be lost without you, Elsie.”

“Charles told me that very same thing.”

“Thankfully that isn’t going to happen.”  Isobel smiled as they entered her bedroom.

“What is it you needed to borrow me for?”  Elsie asked as she looked about the room.

“This.”  Isobel answered as she held out a box.

“Isobel, what in the world?”  Elsie asked as she stared at the box that clearly held a garment of some sort.

“Open it and find out.”

Elsie rolled her eyes and huffed as she took the lid off the box, gasping as she pushed back the tissue.  “Isobel, I can’t.”

“You can.  You can also take this.” 

Elsie took the envelope, frowning when she pulled out two tickets.  “Isobel,” she started, stopping when Isobel held up her hand.

“It’s a gift, Elsie.  A gift from a friend who is very happy to learn her friend is alright.  You’re leaving on the last train tonight.  It’s just a small out of the way place you’re going to, but Richard knows someone who owns a cottage the two of you can spend the next couple of days in to celebrate your good news.”

Elsie blushed at the implication her friend was making.  “Isobel,” she softly scolded.

Isobel laughed quietly.  “I know the ways of married couples, Elsie.  I also know the look Charles was giving you earlier.  The two of you need time to yourselves.  Mrs. Patmore will be bringing you a basket of food to take on your trip.”

Elsie nodded.  “That’s why she’ll be seeing me this evening.”

“Yes.  There’s something else in there.”  Isobel pointed to the box.

Elsie frowned as she pulled out a smaller package.  “Isobel, really.”

“It isn’t from me this time.”

Elsie’s eyebrow arched as she stared down at the delicately wrapped gift.  “Then who?”

“Open it and find out.”

Carefully untying the ribbon, Elsie lifted the lid and gasped.  Tears pricked her eyes as she caressed a finger over the face in the photograph.  “My baby,” she breathed as the tears rolled down her cheeks.

Isobel looked over shoulder.  “Elisabeth?”

Elsie nodded.  “It’s from the Dowager.  It has to be.”

“It is.”  Isobel confirmed her friend’s guess.  “She asked me to hide it in my package and not tell you until after you’d opened it.  I think she knew you would know who it was from.”

“This picture must have been taken after they took Beth to live with the Marquess’ sister’s family.”

“She’s giving you back some of your daughter’s childhood.  At least as much as is possible.”

“Isobel?”

“What is it?”

“Was she staying to dinner at the big house?”

“No.  Why?”

“I’d like to go to see her.  I’ve some apologizing to do, and a thank you to give.”

Isobel nodded.  “Richard is in the kitchen.  I’ll ask him to drive you.”

“Thank you.”

“Do you want Charles to come up?”

“Yes, please.”

“I’ll send him up on my way to the kitchen.”

 

~*~

 

“I’m so very happy for you, Elsie.”  Beryl smiled at her friend as she hugged her.

Elsie patted Beryl’s back before they broke the embrace.  “I’m very happy too.  I was so afraid, Beryl.”

“I know.  We all were.  Charles would have been lost without you.”

“Everyone keeps saying that, but Beryl, he was without me for all those years after I left Downton.”

“Yes, he was.  And he was completely lost.  Elsie, he left Downton.”  Beryl lowered her voice.  “He was on the stage.”

Elsie’s eyes widened.  “How do you know that?”

“I saw an advert in the paper while visiting my aunt.  I never told a soul, not even Charles.  I just kept it to myself along with the knowledge that he was a lost man without the woman he loved.”

“I was lost too.”

“But neither of you are lost now.”

“No, we’re not.  I suppose you could say we’re found.”

“I suppose so.”  Beryl smiled.  “Where is your mister anyway?”

“Fussing at Isobel over our tickets.”

Beryl laughed and shook her head.  “Doesn’t think you should be in second class,” she guessed.

“Second?  She put us in first.”

Beryl’s eyes widened.  “No wonder Charles is fussing.  My goodness.”

“Exactly.  He won’t win the argument, though.  She has Dr. Clarkson with her as well as Charlie and Beth.”

“And Beth, having the same blue eyes as her mother, will simply bat them up at her Da and it’ll be over.”

Elsie laughed, “Now, Beryl.  I never once batted my eyes at Charles.”

“Elsie Carson.”  Beryl huffed and shook her head.  “Those eyes of yours have gotten you your way more often than not when it comes to Charles Carson.”

“Thank you for the hamper of food.”  Elsie told her, changing the subject.

Beryl shook her head, knowing exactly what her friend was doing.  “No need for thanks.  The family sends their well wishes.  And I’ve put an apple tart in just for Charles.”

“Oh, he’ll be grateful for that.  He’s been missing your apple tarts.”

Beryl nodded.  “His Lordship sent a bottle of wine.  And Lady Edith insisted I put a bottle of champagne in.”

“Oh my.”  Elsie bit her lip.  “And Lady Mary?”

“Is still being a spoiled brat.”  Beryl huffed.  “One would think marriage would have made the girl grow up, but it hasn’t.”

“It’s alright.  She was Charles’ favorite for so long, she’s bound to feel jealous over Beth.”

“Still no reason to hurt the man.  He’s done nothing wrong.”

“I don’t think it’s all about Beth.  She’s never been fond of me, and finding out that her Carson is married to the Dragon, well,” Elsie stopped and shrugged.

“A dragon you were, but a dragon you had to be.”  Beryl sighed, “The house is falling apart, Elsie.  Without you and Charles, well, without you mostly, things aren’t running smoothly anymore.”

“Oh, now, it wasn’t all me.”

“Yes, it was.  Even Charles admitted we needed you.”  Beryl laughed as she remembered the night Elsie had gone to the fair.  “The night you took off to go to the fair in the village, oh my.  Things were falling apart and Charles came growling through the kitchen, “Mrs. Hughes is gone for one night and we’re falling apart!”

Elsie laughed and shook her head.  “I’m sorry we’ve left you behind, Beryl.”

“Oh, don’t you worry about me.”  Beryl smiled and reached out to give her friend a hug.  “Enjoy your days together.  We’ll have to have tea before you move.”

“I promise, Beryl.”

“Oh!”  Beryl breathed as she caught Elsie’s arm before she could get too far away.

“What is it?”

“I heard you went to see the Dowager.  How’d that go?”

“It went quite well.  I apologized and we came to an understanding.  She made me promise to look after Charles, a promise that will be easy to keep.  We’ll never be each other’s favorite person, I think we’re too much alike, but we both care about Charles.  It’s enough.”

“I’ll miss you calling her the old bat.”  Beryl smiled at her friend with a wink.

Elsie laughed, “She knows I call her that.  Said she found it rather humorous.”

Beryl shook her head.  “That woman is something else.”

“Yes, she is, but she’s done a lot for Charles and I.  We never would have married if she hadn’t stood up for us against the old Lord.”

“And you wouldn’t have your daughter if she hadn’t stepped in and made sure a good family took care of her.”

“Our Beth.”  Elsie whispered with a smile.  “I should be going, Beryl.  I can see Charles looking over here.”

“Go on then.”  Beryl winked at her.  “Have fun.”

“Beryl!”  Elsie scolded and shook her head then turned and walked toward where Charles was waiting for her.

Beryl smiled as she watched her friends.  She hadn’t seen Charles so open with his feelings since he was just a young hall boy.  It was good to see him happy.  It was good to see Elsie back.  She’d missed her friend when she’d gotten lost in being the Dragon.

 

~*~

 

Charles stared up at Elsie, her body pressed against his as she stood naked and beautiful between his legs.  Fingering the curls that spilled down her back, he sighed in contentment.  “I’m glad we’ve this time to ourselves.”

Elsie smiled and combed her fingers through his hair.  “Aye,” she whispered, feeling him tremble as he always did at the sound of her brogue.  She’d worked so hard over the years to rid herself of the accent that had caused her no end of torment when she’d first come to Downton, and yet, now…now that she was no longer the housekeeper, the Dragon, she found herself slipping back into it.  All because the man whose eyes were staring adoringly up at her loved it so.

“Lass.”  Charles breathed, a hand splaying on her back, the other on her hip as he buried his face in her breasts.  He nuzzled and licked, kissed and nipped, until his mouth rested over the scar left behind by the nightmare they’d lived the last months.  Feeling his body begin to shake, he held her closer, his arms wrapping around her waist.

Elsie felt the hot moisture on her skin and knew that he was crying.  It was the final catharsis, and her own tears rolled down her cheeks and soaked into his hair as she held him tenderly, her cheek resting on the top of his head.  “It’s over now,” she whispered.

“Over,” he mumbled against her skin.

“Over,” she confirmed, shivering when his hot breath fanned out against her.  Cupping his face, she titled it up so that he was looking at her.  “We’ve something to celebrate now, my darling man.  Now when you love me, it won’t be because we’re trying to,”

“Shh.”  Charles stopped her with a finger to her lips.  Repositioning her, he held her in his lap, her legs wrapped loosely around his waist.  Keeping one hand splayed over the middle of her back, he let his other hand freely move over her soft skin, delighting in the tiny whimpers that escaped her when he caressed a particularly sensitive spot.  Moving to her inner thigh, he smiled when her breath caught and a shiver flitted over her.

“Charles,” she murmured, the r rolling off her tongue in a way that caused his hand to tremble.  Fingers in his hair, Elsie tilted her head to the side and pressed her mouth to his in a kiss that was soft and tender; a kiss that spoke of her love for him.  Easing her body up, she moved her hips until their bodies were joined, sighing into his mouth.

Charles breathed her in as he held her hips and felt her legs tighten around him.  Feeling her body pressed against his sent a chill down his spine and he held her closer.  “Elsie,” he breathed when she moved her hips against him.  This was a new position for them, but one he thought they would have to use more often.  He loved the feel of her like this against him, the freeness it gave him to touch all of her without worrying about crushing her. 

Elsie nibbled at his ear, gently biting the lobe when his hands caressed over the curve of her buttocks.  Her hips were still moving, the rhythm slow and easy.  Passion wasn’t what this time together was about, although it was there as a gentle undercurrent.  No, this time was about the need to be as close as possible, to feel each other, to celebrate life.

Release, when it came, wasn’t earth shattering, but quiet and easy for both of them.  A soft whisper of the other’s name, trembling muscles, and damp skin as they held onto each other.  She kept her arms and legs wrapped tightly around him, her lips brushing kisses over his neck and whispering soft words of love in his ear as he kept one arm wrapped around her, the fingers of his free hand tangled in her hair.

Her head resting on his shoulder, Elsie sighed, “I think we should move.  My legs have gone a bit numb.”

Charles chuckled as he helped her off him and helped her lie back on the bed.  “Why don’t I draw you a bath?”

Elsie smiled and nodded as she squeezed his hand.  “If you’ll join me.”

“If the tub is big enough.”  He winked at her when she laughed.  Leaning over her, he caressed the damp hair from her face.  “I love you, Elsie Carson, and I’m looking forward to spending the rest of our lives together.”

Elsie hummed into his kiss then caressed his cheek when he broke the kiss.  “I love you, too, Charles Carson.  Spending the rest of our lives together is something I’m looking forward to, myself.”


	11. Chapter 11

“Charles Carson!  You stop that!”  Elsie squealed as she rushed down the stairs trying to stay far enough ahead of him that he couldn’t swat her bottom again.  She was failing miserably due to his longer legs and long arms.

Charles laughed as she shot off the last step and made it around the corner onto the main floor of their shop before he caught her again and pulled her to him.  “You’re caught,” he breathed as he nipped her neck.

“Ooh, yes I am.”  Elsie panted as she tilted her head, giving him easier access.  “Darling,” she whispered, using her rolled r to pay him back.  Feeling him tremble against her, she smiled before continuing.  “It’s almost time for John and Anna to arrive.  You don’t want them to catch us, do you?”

Charles pulled back, his chin resting on the top of her head as he straightened up.  “Blast,” he growled.  “You’re a wicked woman.”

Elsie looked up at him.  “I’m a wicked woman?  How do you figure that, Darling?”

“You were swaying your hips and you’re wearing the skirt that hugs your figure just a little more than your usual dress does.  How do you expect me to keep my hands to myself?”

Elsie shook her head and smiled as she reached up to cup his cheek.  “I love you, even though you are hopelessly silly.”

Kissing her nose, Charles smiled down at her.  “It’s good to be silly.”

“Yes, Darling, it is.”

“There you go again.”  Charles growled.  “You mustn’t call me that when I can’t do anything about it.”

Chuckling, Elsie moved away from him just as a knock sounded on the door.  “That will be John and Anna.”

“I’m glad Anna comes along.  I’d hate for John to be here by himself on the days we’re out all day.”

“I think she enjoys getting out of the house for a while.  I’m just glad they agreed to help us, that we could help them.”  Elsie told Charles over her shoulder, frowning when she opened the door to find Mrs. Patmore instead of John and Anna.  “Beryl?”

Beryl grinned.  “I hear you sell sweeties.  Need a cook to bake some treats?”

“Whatever are you on about?”  Elsie asked as she moved to let their guest in.

“I’ve retired.”  Beryl answered the question.

Charles blinked in surprise at her.  “You’ve left?  Daisy?”

“She left.  Took Mr. Mason up on his offer.  Alfred followed her.  Seems he fancied her after all.”

Elsie rolled her eyes.  “Who’s left then?”

“Oh, the rest are still there, but the family’s missing the ones gone, that’s for sure.  The new replacements aren’t up to snuff.  Once Daisy left,” Beryl paused and shook her head.  “I just couldn’t find a reason to stay, or care anymore.”

Elsie smiled at her friend.  “We’re happy you’ve come to us.”  Turning she winked up at Charles.  “He’ll be happy to have your apple tart.”

“Elsie.”  Charles growled even though a smile gave him away.

Beryl laughed, “I’ve found a place to live with John and Anna.  I’ll be glad to help you here anyway that I can.”

“Well,” Charles started, continuing only when he caught Elsie’s slight nod.  “We had been considering selling a few baked treats, but we hadn’t found the right person yet.”

“Now you have.”  Beryl smiled.

“The money will be yours, Beryl.”  Elsie bit her bottom lip.  “Where will you bake though?”

“Well, since I live with John and Anna, I can bake the treats there and they can help me bring them here.  It isn’t as if I’ve never gotten up early in my life.”

Charles laughed, “We’re closed Sundays so you don’t have to get up early that day.  You’re free to come in as many days a week as you like.  It’s up to you.”

“Imagine that.  Beryl Patmore makin’ her own schedule!”

“It’s rather freeing.”  Elsie chimed in.  “Some weeks Charles and I take more time off, other weeks, it’s John who takes the extra.  Anna only comes in so she isn’t by herself being so close to her time.”

Beryl nodded.  “She is that.  Goodness knows how the girl moves about.”

“Very carefully.”  Anna piped up, she and John having come in unnoticed.

Elsie laughed as she turned and smiled at the younger couple.  “Come on then.  It’s nearly time to open.  Let John and Charles get the shop ready.  Us ladies have things to discuss over tea.”

Charles caught Elsie as she walked passed him.  “Don’t forget we’re meeting Bethy and Charlie for luncheon.”

“I won’t.”  Elsie sighed and she stood on tiptoes and pressed a kiss to his cheek.  “I just wish his parents weren’t going to be there.”

“I know, Lass, but they’ve important news to tell us and they want their parents to all be there.”

Elsie’s eyes were bright as she stared up at her husband.  “Do you think it’s,” she paused and bit her lip.

“I do.”  Charles whispered as he gently touched her lip to get her to stop chewing on it.  “It’s the only reason I can think of for them wanting us all together outside of a holiday.”

Elsie nodded.  “I just hope his parents behave themselves.”

Charles sighed, “So do I.  I don’t relish a repeat of our last encounter.”

Elsie shivered at the memory.  “Nor do I.”

“Go on then.  Let John and I get to work.”  Winking at Anna, he patted Elsie’s arm.  “Besides, I think Anna needs a bit of a sit down.”

Anna smiled and nodded.  “I do, Mr. Carson.”

“Come along then, Anna.  You can help Beryl and I decide what sweets she should bake.”

“Apple tarts.”  Anna answered as they disappeared up the stairs.

John laughed at the way Charles rolled his eyes.  “I think all of the women in your life know everything when it comes to your sweet tooth, Charles.”

“I think you’re right, John.”  Charles smiled.  “I wouldn’t have it any other way.”

John nodded.  “It’s good to have a family.  I want to thank you and Elsie for that.”

“No need to thank us, John.  We’re happy to have a family.  Anna was a daughter to us.”  Charles went about his work, easily moving about the shop with John as they prepared things for the day.  “It nearly broke Elsie when she had to testify at your trial.”

“I know.  I saw the look on her face.  She didn’t want to tell the truth.  It was only after I nodded at her that she gave in.  She’s been very good to me, Charles.  From the very beginning, she took care of me.”

“That’s my Elsie.”

John smiled.  “Are we ready to turn the sign?”

“Ready as can be.”

 

~*~

 

“Lady Sybil?”  John said in surprise as he looked at the couple who had just entered the shop.

Sybil smiled.  “I know, you’re surprised to see me here, but,”

“But she had to come and show the baby to the Carsons.”  Tom finished for her, a smile on his face.  “Are they here?”

“You’ve just got here in time, they were about to leave.  Let me go get them.”  John peered at the baby hidden in the blankets.  “She’s beautiful.”

“Thank you, Mr. Bates.”

“It’s just John, now, Mr. Branson.”

“And it’s just Tom.”

John nodded then left to go and call for Charles and Elsie.  He knew the two of them would be surprised, although, now that he thought about it, none of them should be.  Lady Sybil had always been the one closest to Elsie, although the woman had never let on that she held a fondness for the girl.  Unlike Charles who had always shown his favoritism for Lady Mary.

“Charles.  Elsie.  You’ve someone here to see you.”

Charles raised an eyebrow as he and Elsie finished coming down the stairs.  “Who?”

“Take a look and see.”  John smiled.

Elsie rolled her eyes and skirted around the men, stopping in her tracks as she came out into the shop.  “Lady Sybil,” she whispered.  “Mr. Branson.”

“Can’t you call me Tom, Mrs. Carson?  You’ve no reason to be so formal with me now.”

Elsie smiled at the young man and nodded, giving in to him wish.  “Alright, Tom.  What have we here?” she asked as she moved closer to Sybil.

Sybil gently eased the baby into Elsie’s arms.  “Meet Katie Branson.”

Elsie cuddled the baby close, smiling when blue eyes opened and stared up at her.  “What a lovely wee bairn,” she whispered.

Sybil blinked.  She’d never heard Mrs. Carson’s accent so pronounced before.  “It’s quite lovely.”

Elsie frowned as she looked up at the young woman.  “What is?”

Blushing, Sybil shrugged.  “Your accent.  Why did you hide it?”

“It wouldn’t do for a maid at Downton to talk so thick no one could understand her.”

Charles moved closer, his hands on Elsie’s shoulders.  “They made fun of her, Lady Sybil.  It was the only reason.  Your grandfather rather enjoyed hearing her.”

Elsie raised an eyebrow up at her husband.  “What?”

Charles chuckled, “Didn’t you ever wonder how he just happened to wander into rooms you were working in?”

“I still don’t understand.”

“You had a tendency to let your control slip when something wouldn’t go your way while you were cleaning.  The old Earl loved to hear your accent, especially when you’d let loose a few curses.”

Elsie blushed slightly.  “Heaven what the Dowager must have thought.”

“She never knew.”  Charles winked at her then looked down at the baby.  “She’s as beautiful as her mother was.  Katie, you say?  And how did that go over?”

Tom laughed, “Better than the Catholic christening.”

Elsie nodded.  “Oh my.  I’m sure that was met with silence.”

“It was.”  Sybil sighed then looked up at Charles.  “But things are changing.  If only Papa would learn to let go like you did, Mr. Carson.”

“I don’t want him to learn the way I did.  You just let him be.”  Charles smiled at the young woman then looked back down at the baby in his wife’s arms.  “Let Lady Katie take care of your father.”

Sybil felt her lips tremble as she reached out and rested a hand on Elsie’s arm.  “I’m so very happy you’re okay, Mrs. Carson.  I didn’t get the chance to see you and tell you before you moved here.”

Elsie carefully handed the baby to Charles, winking at him when he snuggled her close.  “You make her look like a doll, Charles.”

Charles smiled.  “She might as well be with me holding her.”

Elsie caressed his arm then turned back to Sybil.  “Thank you, Lady Sybil.  You were a bit busy when we moved.  The wee one kept you otherwise occupied.  I appreciate you bringing her here to see us.  Charles would have missed not seeing the next generation of his girls.”

Sybil’s eyes watered.  “It wasn’t him I brought her for,” she whispered.

Elsie felt the tug at her heart and pulled the girl into her arms.  “You were always the sweetest spirit in the house,” she whispered.  “You gave this woman’s lonely heart some warmth over the years.”  Sniffing when she pulled back, she wiped at Sybil’s tears.  “I remember the first time I found you in my sitting room.”

Sybil laughed, her lips trembling.  “Mary had informed me I was adopted.”

“And your little heart was completely broken.  I’ve still never understood why you came to me.”

“Maybe she sensed another sad heart?”  Tom asked as he handed Sybil a handkerchief.

Sybil shook her head no.  “That wasn’t why.”

“Then why?”

“Because you always had a smile for me and never ignored me like the others.  And you never scolded like Nanny did when you’d find me where I really shouldn’t have been.”

Elsie laughed, “Like the drawing room bouncing on the settee?”

Sybil blushed and laughed, “Yes.”

Charles smiled.  “How did I not know about this?”

“Because it was our little secret.  Just like you knowing about the old Earl’s fascination with my accent.”  Elsie looked up at him then took the baby from him and handed her back to her mother.

“Mrs. Patmore.”  Sybil smiled.  “It’s good to see you.”

“Hello, Lady Sybil.”  Beryl returned her smile.  “How’s the babe?”

“Growing.”  Sybil answered then sighed when Katie began to fuss.  “And getting hungry.”

“We should be going.  We’re keeping the two of you from whatever you were doing.”  Tom said as he helped wrap the baby up a bit tighter.

Elsie frowned.  “Oh my, we really should be leaving.  Wouldn’t want to upset Beth’s father and mother-in-law.”

Sybil gave her a sympathetic look.  “They aren’t very nice people.”

“So you’ve met them, then?”

“Once and made sure to stay away after.”

Charles laughed then shook Tom’s hand.  “Thank you for coming to see us.  We appreciate it.  Why don’t you go up with Beryl and see Anna before you leave?  I’m sure she’d enjoy seeing the babe.”

“That she would.”  John spoke up as he came back into the room, having gone up to see Anna while the others were talking.

“Would it be alright if we stay long enough for the baby to eat?”  Sybil asked as she patted Katie’s back.

“Perfectly.  I’m sure Beryl wouldn’t mind making some tea.”

“Not at all.”  Beryl smiled.  “Come along then.  Tom can stay with John and have a chat.”

“I guess she’s told me.”  Tom whispered as he winked at Elsie.  “Go on then.  Don’t make yourselves late.  I’ll enjoy a bit of time with John.  I’ve no one really to talk to other than Matthew but he’s been too busy these days.”

“Come on then, Elsie.  Let’s go and get this day over with.”

Elsie tucked her hand in the crook of Charles’ arm as they made their way out of the shop.  “Thank you for sharing that story with Lady Sybil.”

“No need to thank me, Lass, but you’re welcome all the same.”  Charles winked at her, knowing that she’d actually been thanking him for telling her.

Squeezing his arm, Elsie sighed in contentment.  “Do you think we could go and visit Isobel and Richard tomorrow?”

“We’ll ring them when we return to the shop and see if it’s alright.”  Charles shook his head.  “I can’t believe they’ve married.”

“I’m not surprised, really.  After what we went through, they didn’t want to waste time.  I’m happy for them.”

“So am I.  And I’m happy to have friends.  Although I find it amazing the people I’m friends with.”

Elsie laughed and gently caressed his arm.  “I always knew there was something softer under that gruff and stuffy butler, now so do the others.”

“Your love makes me that way, Elsie.  Having you back in my life, healthy and happy.”

“Do you miss it, Darling?  Any at all?”

“Not like I thought I would.  I’ve too much to fill my days to miss it.”

“And soon there’ll be more.”

“The wee bairn of John and Anna.”  Charles winked at her when she huffed at his trying to sound like her.

“John and Anna’s wee bairn wasn’t all that I meant.”

“I do hope that’s the news Charlie and Bethy wish to tell us.  Although, how do you think his parents will take that sort of news?”

“No better than they took the news that Beth’s parents were in service, I suspect.  A babe will mean even more ties to us and less chance of them getting Charlie to leave Beth.”

Charles growled at that.  “I still can’t believe they’ve tried that.  Our Bethy was good enough before, she’s no different now.”

“No, Darling, she isn’t.”  Elsie soothed him.  “Well, here we are.  At least we’ve this bit of a trip before we have to face the Camerons.”

“It will give you time to rest before facing that awful woman.”  Charles scowled as they settled into their car.

Elsie patted his thigh as she let her head rest against his arm.  “You rest, too.  He isn’t any better than she is.  You’ll need to be at your best to keep from snapping at him.”

Charles pressed a kiss to her head as he reached out to squeeze her hand.  “Fair enough.”

 

~*~

 

“You can’t be serious.”  Lady Bradana nearly screeched.  “How could you let this happen?  Do you know what this will do to our family’s good name?  Isn’t it bad enough that you’ve married a servant’s daughter?”

“Enough!”  Elsie shouted, blue eyes sparking fire as she stared at the woman sitting primly on the settee across from she and Charles.  “Our daughter is no less than you!  She was raised a lady, in a good home.  She was never a servant.  I’ll not let you make what should be a happy time for them miserable because of your lack of kindness.  I won’t!”

Charlie blinked as he looked from his mother-in-law to his wife.  Leaning over, he whispered in her ear, “It would seem you inherited the dragon from your mother.”

“All fire and ice.”  Elisabeth whispered back with pride.

“Now see here!  I’ll not have my wife talked to like that by the likes of a mere servant!”

Charles narrowed his eyes as he stood up and stared down at the man, his height coming into play as it always had when he was intimidating someone.  “And I’ll not have the likes of you yelling at my wife for defending our daughter.  We’re no longer in service.  We own our own shop.”  Moving closer, he leaned down until he was nearly in the man’s face.  “There was a time when I would have let you walk all over me, and my wife, but I’ve changed.  I’m not that man anymore.  The rules by which I lived my life then are no longer in play.  I’m sure if you wanted, you could close our shop, and send us out on our ears.  But,” his eyes gleamed.  “I don’t think you’re going to do that.  I happen to know a thing or two about you, Sir.  You forget, I used to stand at the ready in the drawing room at Grantham House while the men sat about talking.”

Charlie watched his father’s face pale.  Hmm, seems his father-in-law knew some things his father didn’t wish to get around.  “I think we’ve had enough of this.  Mother.  Father.  I’d like the two of you to leave now.  I believe it would be best for the two of you to stay away until you’re ready to accept Elisabeth as she is.  You were once perfectly content with her as a daughter-in-law.  Nothing has changed.  If you want to see your grandchild, if you care, you’ll go back to being content.”

Charles moved back to Elsie’s side, his large hand wrapping around her smaller one as they watched the other couple get up and leave in a huff.  “I’m sorry,” he said quietly once they were gone.

Elisabeth moved to her father and wrapped her arms around him.  “No need to apologize, Da.  It was rather nice having a father to stand up for me.”

Wrapping his free arm around her, Charles kissed the top of her head.  “I’m very happy for the two of you, Bethy.  Your mother and I are looking forward to being grandparents.”

Elsie smiled at her daughter.  “You’ll have to promise to leave the wee one with us when you want some time to yourselves.”

“I’m sure she’ll wrap her grandda around her little finger.”  Elisabeth smiled up at her father when she pulled away to hug her mother.

“She, Lass?”  Elsie asked.  “Might be a he.”

“And he’ll have his little hand round his grandmama’s heart.”  Charlie winked at Elsie.  “You know.  When we were children, I nicknamed Beth, Dragon.  I saw today where she got it from.”

Elsie blinked in surprise as she looked up at Charles then down at her daughter who was smiling and nodding.  “Dragon?” she managed.  “Why would you do a thing such as that?”

Charlie blinked in surprise.  “That’s what she reminded me of the day she got so angry at me her eyes were like blue fire.  And the words she was spewing at me,” he shook his head.  “I’d never heard such words from a girl before.”

“And so he called me Dragon, and I shoved him in the pond.”

Charles pulled Elsie close and pressed a kiss to her head.  “It doesn’t mean the same to your mother.”

“I don’t understand.”  Elisabeth frowned as she studied her mother.  “It’s done in fun.  It’s just a pet name he has for me when I get a bit riled up.”

“Excuse me.”  Elsie whispered as she slipped from Charles’ side and walked from the room.

Charles sighed and tugged at his ear.  “The term isn’t a nice one for your mother.  For all of the years she was Downton’s housekeeper, she was called the Scottish Dragon, and treated as such.  It was a derogatory name that they labeled her with.  The family played on it to keep those in their employ under control.  The fire breathing, emotionless dragon of below stairs,” his voice trailed off as he though about how the term hurt his wife.

Charlie blinked as he looked from his father-in-law to the door Elsie had disappeared through.  “I’m sorry, Da.  I didn’t mean to hurt her.  I’m thankful for what she did today, that’s all I meant.”

“It’s alright, Son.  I’d better go after her.”

“No.”  Charlie shook his head.  “Let me.  I’m the one that upset her.  Let me try to fix it.”

Charles nodded.  “Fine then.  Be easy, Son.”

“I promise.”

Elisabeth watched her husband leave then looked at her father.  “They were cruel to her?”

“Not intentionally, Bethy.  It’s just that your mother was very closed off when she came back to Downton.  The staff learned quickly that she took no nonsense.  The maids, at least some of them, hated her because she was strict when it came to dalliances with men.  They weren’t allowed.  And that rule angered the boys as well.  She and O’Brien never got along because the lady’s maid felt she shouldn’t have to answer to the housekeeper.  Mrs. Patmore never called her the dragon, she had her own name for her.”

“And that was?  They’re such good friends.”

“They weren’t friends when Elsie came back.  They argued all the time over the store cupboard key.  Beryl called her the bloody queen of Scots.”

Elisabeth winced at that.  “Oh my.”

“That didn’t hurt Elsie.  She knew it was only meant to rile her because Beryl thought she was being high and mighty over the key.”  Charles chuckled, “Beryl’s temper can near match Elsie’s, but she never won any of their rows.”

 

~*~

 

Charlie found Elsie staring out the windows of the library.  Moving to stand just behind her, he reached out and gently touched her shoulder.  “I’m sorry, Mama.  I didn’t mean to upset you.  Da explained everything.  I promise that I didn’t hurt Els by calling her that.  She’s always found it funny.”

Elsie reached up and patted the young man’s hand.  “I’m glad it doesn’t hurt her, but I wasn’t called that in fun.  It was who I became after Beth was lost to me.  They named me that, and I gave it to them.  All fire and ice, nothing else.”

“No, I don’t believe that.  I heard too many stories about you.”  Charlie smiled when she looked up at him a bit startled.  “The staff talks, Mama.  It seems you mothered more than a few of the young ones that came and went through the Abbey’s doors.  I suppose that’s why it shocked me that you would be called Dragon.  It doesn’t fit with the picture I had in my mind from the stories.”

“Thank you for that, Charlie.”

“Today I’m glad you were the dragon.  My mother needed all that fire aimed at her.”  He chuckled, “Seems Da isn’t so bad at being a dragon, either.”

Elsie turned to smile up at her son-in-law.  “I had nothing to do with that.  He’s his own dragon.  Man has always had a temper.”

“Though I suspect you won any rows the two of you have had over the years.”

“Most of them.”  She smiled.  “Come on, then.  Charles will be worried about me.”

“Mama?”

“Yes?”  Elsie asked as she took his proffered arm.

“Why don’t you and Da take some time away?  Maybe go visit your sister?”

“We had time away before we took over the shop.”

“That was months ago.  Besides, I think Els would like to meet more of her family.”

“You want us to take Beth with us?”

“No.  I don’t really want her traveling now.  Just go see your sister.  Ask her to come visit so she can meet her niece.”

“I’m not sure my brother-in-law will be keen on the idea.”

“Mama, are you making excuses?”  Charlie asked as he looked down at her.

Elsie sighed and shook her head.  “I suppose I am.”  Patting Charlie’s arm as they entered the drawing room, she gave in only a bit.  “I’ll talk to Charles.”

“Fair enough.”


	12. Chapter 12

Elsie smiled as she watched her husband sitting and holding their two week old granddaughter.  The orange light from the fire cast shadows about them, making him seem years younger and she could almost picture him holding their Beth at that age.  Tears filled her eyes.  He’d never had the chance to hold their Beth and sing to her as he was Beth’s bairn.

“Elsie.”  Charles whispered as he looked up and caught the glitter of tears on her cheeks.  “Come here, Lass.”  He held out his hand.

Elsie sighed at being caught out, but did nothing to wipe her tears as she moved to Charles’ side and took his hand.  “I can’t, Charles,” she fussed when he pulled her down on his lap.

Carefully shifting the baby, Charles wrapped his arm around Elsie.  “Yes you can, Lass,” he whispered as he pressed a kiss to her temple.  “What are the tears for?”

Elsie was sure he knew, but answered anyway.  “I was letting my thoughts wander.”

Charles sighed and nodded.  “To our Bethy.  I thought as much.”  Gently caressing her waist with his thumb, he smiled tenderly up at her.  “You mustn’t do that to yourself, Elsie.  It’s past.  And now we’ve our Bethy back.”  He turned his attention down to the babe in his other arm.  “She’s given us a second chance, Elsie.”

Elsie leaned into him, holding his head close to her chest.  Pressing a kiss to his forehead, she combed her fingers through his hair.  “Why are you up?  Shouldn’t she be with her Da and Mam?”

“I heard her crying.  A wet nappy.”

Elsie chuckled at that.  “And you changed it?”

Charles scowled up at her.  “I know how,” he huffed.

“Of course you do.  Every butler knows how to change a nappy,” she huffed back at him, sarcastically, her blue eyes twinkling.

Charles wrinkled his nose at her.  “I may be an only child, doesn’t mean I wasn’t around babies.  Ma taught me how to change a nappy so I could help her with the babies she took care of from time to time.”

Elsie smiled and kissed his cheek.  “My darling man.  I love you.”

Charles returned the smile.  “I love you too, Lass.  Now, what say we put this little lady back in her bed and return to our own.”

Elsie heard the mantle clock chime twelve softly.  “It’s Christmas, Darling.”

“It is,” he agreed as he looked up at her.  “Happy Christmas, Lass.”

“It is happy indeed, my love.  Mrs. Patmore, John, Anna, and their wee one will be here in a few hours.  I’m grateful to Charlie and Beth for inviting them.  It wouldn’t have been fair to not have the rest of our little family with us.”

“We _have_ become a family.”

“Yes, we have.”

 

~*~

 

“She’ll be surprised and that’s for sure.”  Beryl breathed as she looked at the woman standing just inside the foyer of Charlie and Beth’s home.

“I’m to be her Christmas gift.”

“Charlie and Beth’s idea?”

“No.  Her man’s.”

Beryl smiled and nodded.  “Alright then, let me have your coat and hat.  I’ll show you through.  Elsie’s busy with the wee ones at the moment.”

“Wee ones?”

“Their Beth had a baby two weeks ago now.  The other babe is their honorary grandchild.”

“Ah.  The Bates bairn.”

“Yes.  Now come on.  I’m anxious to see her face.”  Beryl led the way to the sitting room where Elsie was currently laughing at something Liam Bates had done.  “What’s he done now our little Liam?”

Elsie looked up to answer then froze.  “Fia?”

Fia smiled at the shock on her sister’s face.  “Close your mouth, Lass.”

Elsie looked at Charles when he bent to take the baby from her.  “Did you do this?” she whispered as he helped her stand.

“Happy Christmas, Elsie.”

“Oh Charles,” she breathed as she stood on tiptoes to kiss his cheek.

“Go on, Lass.  Your sister’s waiting.”  Charles caressed her cheek then gently nudged her toward her sister.

Fia opened her arms and wrapped them tightly around Elsie.  “Oh my Els, I’ve missed ye.”

Elsie felt her eyes water as she held her sister.  “I never dreamed you’d come.”

“How could I not when I had such a wonderful invitation?”

“Are you alone?”

“You know that he won’t leave the shop to anyone.”

Elsie nodded.  “I know.  But couldn’t he have come just for Christmas?”

Charles frowned.  His brother-in-law was still as much of a fool as he’d been all those years ago when he’d sent Elsie packing.  Kissing Fia on the cheek, he smiled down at her.  “Hello, Fia.”

“Charles.”  Fia returned his smile.  “Tis not every day I have to look up at a man.”

Charles laughed and winked at Elsie.  “I’ve always been a mite taller than most.”

“Mite?”  Fia laughed as she looked over at Elsie.  “I’d say more than a mite.”

“Hey!”  Elsie huffed.  “Enough of that.  Meet your niece, Elisabeth.”

Fia blinked in surprise as she looked at her niece then to her sister.  “It’s like looking at a ghost of the past,” she whispered.

“Not a ghost, Fi.  Just my daughter.”

Fia heard the catch in her sister’s voice and reached out to clasp her hand.  “I’ve never said how sorry I was for letting my man run you off when you needed me.  I wasn’t much of a sister.”

“It’s past, Fi.  _All_ in the past.  I understood.”

Fia nodded then turned back to Elisabeth.  “Well, come give me a hug, Lassie.”

Elisabeth chuckled, “Lassie.”

“If I call you lass like I do your mother, we’ll be confused.”  Fia pulled Elisabeth into an embrace.  “You’re beautiful, Elisabeth.”  She smiled when they pulled back from each other.  “Now, who’s that fine looking young man?”

“I’m Charlie, Aunt Fia.”  Charlie stepped forward.  “And this is Elsa.”

Fia raised an eyebrow.  “So your Elisabeth has her own Charles.”  She chuckled and winked at Elsie who shrugged and simply gave her a smile.  Turning her attention back to Charlie, she patted his cheek.  “Pleased to meet you.  And you,” she looked down at Elsa.  “What a wee bonnie bairn you are.”

Charlie grinned up at Charles when the older man chuckled.  “It’s a house full of lilting Scots we’ve got on our hands.”

“And we’re going to enjoy every minute of it.”

Charlie nodded.  “Aye, that we are.”

Elsie laughed as she stepped back next to Charles.  Looking up at him, she gave him a soft smile, promise in her eyes as she whispered, “I’ll show you my appreciation later.”

Charles kissed her temple.  “I’m looking forward to it, Lass.”

Beryl cleared her throat.  “Dinner’s near done and are you going to introduce the rest of us?  It’ll be an awkward dinner if you don’t.”

Elsie laughed at her friend who stood looking at her with her cheeky grin.  “Sorry, Beryl.”  Motioning for John and Anna to come closer, she smiled when she noticed the baby asleep against his father’s chest.  “Fia, this is the rest of our little family.  Beryl Patmore, John and Anna Bates and their wee one, William, Liam for short.”

“Hello.”  Fia smiled at the three of them.  “Patmore.  Mrs. Patmore?  The cook from Downton?  The one you were always going on about her cooking?”

Beryl looked at Elsie and arched an eyebrow.  “Braggin’ on me, were ya?”

Elsie blushed and shrugged.  “Fight as we did, you are still by far the best of the best in a kitchen.  Do you know how many letters I received inquiring about you and whether or not you would ever consider leaving Downton?”

“About as many as I myself received, I’d expect.”  Beryl laughed.

Elsie smiled then looked at her sister.  “Beryl is preparing our meal today and she bakes sweet treats and sells them in the shop.  She lives with John and Anna.”

“Hello.”  Anna said quietly.  “It’s nice to meet you.”

John smiled as he watched Fia reach out and touch the baby’s cheek.  “It’s nice to meet you.  I’m glad that Charles’ efforts paid off and you’re able to be here with Elsie for the holiday.”

Fia smiled at John.  “Liam?  Irish in your family?”

“Irish and Scot.”

“He’s precious.  And it’s nice to meet the two people Elsie talked about in her letters nearly as much as she did about Charles.”

“Come on then, enough of that.”  Beryl spoke up before Elsie could.  “Our dinner’s nearly done.  If Charles and Elsie will come and help get it all to the table, I’ll finish up the last bits.”

Charles nodded and held out his hand to Elsie.  “Come on then.  I’m hungry.”

Elsie laughed as she took his hand.  “You’re just anxious to get to dessert.  You know that Beryl’s made apple tart.”

Charles growled good naturedly at her and shook his head.  “I don’t know what you’re talking about, Mrs. Carson.”

Beryl shook her head.  “Charlie, can you come help?  I’m afraid the two of them’ll be of no use.”

Charlie laughed and nodded as he handed the baby to Fia.  “Why don’t you sit down and get better acquainted with your nieces,” he suggested with a smile.

“I’d like that very much, Aunt Fia.”  Elisabeth smiled when her aunt looked at her.

“I don’t think I’ll ever get over how much you sound like Els.”  Fia told her niece, keeping her voice low and soft as she sat down on the settee. 

“I’m glad I sound and look like Mama.”  Elisabeth watched her aunt caress the baby’s head.  “Thank you for coming and missing the holiday with your family.  I know that Mama has missed you.  She hasn’t said as much, but I can see it in her eyes when she talks of you.”

Reaching out, Fia grasped Elisabeth’s hand.  “I never should have let my man send her away.  You missed so many years with your mother and father because of my weakness.  I’m so very sorry.”

Squeezing the hand that held hers, Elisabeth smiled.  “I did miss all of those years with Mama and Da, but if I hadn’t, I wouldn’t have Charlie, and that little bit of sweetness wouldn’t be asleep in your arms.”

“Thank you for that, Elisabeth.”

“Beth.  I prefer Beth.”

“Beth it is then.”  Fia smiled as she looked down at Elsa.  “Els named you after Charles’ mother.”

“Yes.  Did Mama ever meet her?”

Fia shook her head.  “No.  She was gone long before Elsie came to Downton.”

“How long are you here for?”

“Just two days, Lassie.”

“Would you mind me asking questions while you’re here?  There are things I’d like to know that I don’t want to ask Mama.  I think they would hurt her.”

Fia studied her niece.  “You want to know about home.”

Elisabeth nodded.  “I do.  I don’t think Mama was happy there.”

“Neither of us were, Beth.  But that’s a story best left for another time.  Now we need to lay this wee one down before dinner.”

John and Anna smiled when Fia and Elisabeth looked up at them with guilty expressions.  “It’s alright.  We were busy watching Liam sleep.  We can go lay the two of them down together.”

“Thank you, Anna.  I’m sorry we keep forgetting the two of you are in the room.  It’s very rude.”

Anna chuckled, “But understandable.  We’re fine with it.”

Fia handed Elsa back to her mother.  “Thank you for naming the baby something close to Elsie.  I know how much that must mean to my Els.”

“That’s what Charlie calls me.”  Elisabeth smiled.

“Then I’ve a feeling we’re going to be a bit confused over the next two days.”

“No.  Only Charlie calls me that.  And you’re the only one that calls Mama that.  Da calls me Bethy and Mama, Lass.”

“That’s where we could get confused.”  Anna chuckled.  “Too many Lasses about.”

John nodded.  “Charles, Charlie, and I are a bit outnumbered.  And, Liam doesn’t count, he’s a baby and asleep.”

Fia laughed and wrapped her arm around Elisabeth’s shoulder.  “It amazes me that you’re as petite as your mother with your father as tall as he is.”

“Did you take after your father?”

“I did.  Els took after our mam.  All fiery temper and short stature.”

“Don’t be saying that in front of Mama.  Lord have mercy on you if you do.”

“Els has heard me say it time and again.”  Fia chuckled, “Though I did usually have to duck because she would throw whatever she could get her hands on.”

Elisabeth laughed quietly as they entered the nursery.  “I’ll lay Elsa down.”

Fia placed a kiss to the downy head before Elisabeth moved away.  Watching Elisabeth lay the baby down, she sighed as she turned in time to see John laying Liam down and Anna tucking blankets around him.  This was what Christmas was about…children and family.

And she’d finally found the forgiveness she’d longed for all these years…the most precious gift of all.

 

~*~

 

Elsie bit her lip as she studied herself in the mirror.  Isobel had been at it again.  Shaking her head at her friend’s brazenness, she smiled at the thought of what Charles would think of this particular gift.  It was even more risqué than the other negligee Isobel had bought for her.

Deep blue lace.  That’s all there was to the negligee.  Cut low in the front, she felt exposed, which she mused was how she was supposed to feel.  Charles hopefully wouldn’t have a heart attack when he saw it.  That thought caused her to chuckle.  He wouldn’t have a heart attack, but he would be dumb struck or bluster a bit before finding himself and trying to ravishing her.  That thought caused her to shiver.

Realizing that Charles should have been up by now, Elsie grabbed the dressing gown that he had bought her for Christmas which oddly enough matched the negligee in color.  Tying it about her, she slipped down the stairs to find him, frowning when she noticed the soft light of the lamp on in his office.

“Charles?” she called as she pushed the door open, not getting a response.  “Darling?” she whispered as she touched his shoulder.  “What is it?”

Reaching up to grasp her hand, Charles scooted his chair back and pulled her down into his lap.  “I’m sorry, Lass.”

“What’s wrong?”

“Nothing’s wrong.  It’s just a letter.”

Elsie looked closer at the letter, recognizing the handwriting instantly and stiffening.  What had the blessed Lady Mary done to him now?  “Lady Mary.”

“Yes.  She sent a messenger with this.  I was getting ready to come up when the young man showed up at the door.  Lady Mary sends her Christmas wishes and apologies for the way she acted.”

Elsie raised an eyebrow at that.  Lady Mary?  Apologizing?  “Did she now.”  She caressed his hair from his forehead.  “Then why are you still down here?”

Caressing her back to soothe her, Charles nuzzled her neck.  “I know you never liked her, and I know you liked her even less after what she did before we left Downton.  I just,” he sighed.  “She was all I had those lonely days after you left.  Just a little bit of stuff, really.  Clinging to my pant legs for sweets that she knew I kept in my pockets.  I missed you.  I ached with the pain of losing our baby and then you.  Her little face always turned up to me, a sweet smile on her lips as she would bat her eyes at me for a sweet,” he stopped and shrugged.  “All of those memories have kept me from seeing the spoiled woman she became.”

“Shh.”  Elsie soothed.  “She’s apologized now and I’m sure at some point she’ll come to see you.”

“No, she won’t.”  Charles looked up at her.  “She’s apologized on paper because someone, Mr. Crawley I presume, told her she should.  And it’s alright.  It is who she is, I’ve accepted that.”  Smiling as he fingered the material of Elsie’s dressing gown, he kissed her chin.  “You’re wearing it.”

“Well of course I am, you silly man.  Why wouldn’t I?”  Her eyes twinkled as she traced his lips with her thumb.  “Though I don’t think you’d ever guess just what it is I’ve on underneath.”

His eyebrow rose at that as he looked down.  “I don’t see anything,” he breathed.

Elsie giggled.  “There’s something.”

Clearing his throat and wiggling a bit, he licked his lips.  “Must be a _little_ something.”

Standing up, Elsie held out her hand.  “You’ll have to come to bed to find out.  I do have a bit of appreciation to show you.”

Taking her hand, Charles smiled down at her as he stood up.  “Yes, you do,” he rumbled before reaching over to turn off the lamp.

“I’m happy Fia’s visiting, but I’m grateful she’s staying with Charlie and Beth.”  Elsie whispered as they climbed the stairs, shivering when Charles’ hand caressed over the curve of her buttocks.  “Charles,” she breathed as she turned on the step and looked down at him.

“So many years of following you up the stairs and having to clench my fist to keep from doing that.”

Smiling, Elsie caressed his face with one hand, the other pulling the knot at her waist so that her dressing gown fell open.  “No more clenching your fists to keep from touching me.  You can touch me any time you want to now.”

Charles looked from her face, his eyes widening as he took in what she was wearing.  “Dear mother of mercy, Elsie,” he managed to groan after a few moments of just standing and staring, mouth hanging open.  “Wherever did that come from?” he asked as his hand lifted to caress the soft curve of her breast, his thumb flicking over her nipple through the lace.

“It was a present.”

“Isobel,” he muttered.  “The woman is going to be the death of me with these gifts.”

Elsie laughed at that as she moved closer to him, his face pressed close to her chest.  “If any woman is going to be the death of you, Charles Carson, it’s going to be me.”

Charles smirked up at her before burying his face in her exposed cleavage, his tongue and mouth busy tasting her soft skin.  The feel of her fingers tangling in his hair spurred him on, and his hands moved inside the dressing gown, cupping her buttocks and kneading before sliding down to her bare thighs.  His mouth moved over her breast, suckling the taut nipple through the lace.

Elsie’s head fell back as she cupped Charles’ head and held him to her.  The things this man could do with his hands and mouth.  Then she shook her head and pulled back.  “It’s I who should be showing you attention, Mr. Carson,” she murmured.

Charles licked his lips as he looked up at her.  “Then lead the way, Mrs. Carson,” he told her, his voice lower than usual.

Elsie shivered as she took his hand and tugged him the rest of the way up the stairs to their room.  Shutting the door behind her, she turned to look at him with a smile as she let her dressing gown slide off her arms.  “Now, one of us is a bit overdressed.”

Charles blinked as he took in the full effect of the negligee in the soft light of their bedroom.  “My god, Lass, you’re beautiful.”

Elsie shook her head and smiled up at him as she reached out to the buttons of his shirt.  “I’m glad you’ve shed at least some of your clothes,” she murmured as she concentrated on what she was doing.  “Less work for me.”

Charles kissed the top of her head as he lifted his hands to help her.  Unbuckling his belt, he pulled it from the loops and let it fall to the floor, the thud of the buckle loud in the stillness surrounding them.  Shoving his pants and shorts down as Elsie pushed his shirt off, he lifted his arms when she tugged his undershirt up over his head.

Smiling, Elsie pushed against him, signaling that she wanted him on the bed.  Nodding when he settled against the pillows, she climbed onto the bed then straddled him, her body resting over his.  Holding his gaze, she wrapped her hand around him, smiling smugly at the quick intake of breath at her touch.  “Thank you ever so much for my Christmas presents, Darling,” she told him, easily rolling the r’s, feeling his reaction.  Smirking, she trailed her free hand over his chest, a fingernail gently flicking over a flat nipple.

“El…sie,” he groaned as he gripped her thigh.

“Yes, Darling?” she asked, her hand keeping a steady rhythm as it moved over him.

“I won’t last long with that,” he managed.

Smirking, she released him and leaned over.  “Take the negligee off, Charles,” she whispered against his ear before taking his hands and placing them at the hem of the garment.

Charles did as he was told, sighing at the sight of her naked form.  “Thank you for leaving the light on,” he murmured.

Elsie winked at him as she moved up his body, her lower body hovering over his straining length.  “I know how much you like to look at me.  And I _am_ showing my appreciation,” she told him before leaning forward, her lips pressing against his.  Feeling his hands cupping her bare bottom, she moved against him when he lifted his hips.  Pushing herself up, her hands on his chest, she held his gaze as she slowly took him inside.

Hands on her waist, Charles closed his eyes as Elsie settled over him.  “Perfection,” he whispered.

Caressing the curl from his forehead, Elsie moved her hips, smiling in triumph when his grip on her waist tightened.  Biting her bottom lip, she closed her eyes as she moved, concentrating on his pleasure, bringing her own about as she did.

Charles watched her, enraptured by her beauty as pleasure pulled at her features, concentration furrowing her brow.  He loved her like this, in control of their loving.  Sliding a hand up, he cupped a breast and gently kneaded before tweaking a nipple, causing her breath to catch.

Feeling her body begin to take over, Elsie opened her eyes and stared down at him.  “Charles,” she panted as her movements quickened in pace.

“Elsie,” he grunted as he began to move with her, his upward thrusts meeting her downward strokes, their hips grinding together.

Fingernails digging into his skin, Elsie let herself go, let her body have its way.  “Oh god,” she whimpered as she quivered with her climax.

Charles lost himself in her, his control gone, his own release brought on by hers.  Groaning as he felt her body fall against his, he wrapped his arms around her to keep her from slipping to the side.  Tenderly caressing her back, they concentrated on regulating their breath and rapid heart beats.

“Mmm,” she hummed.  “I hope that showed you just how very much I liked my gift.”

Charles chuckled as he pressed a kiss to her head.  “That more than showed me, Lass.”

Elsie laughed as she moved to his side, snuggling close.  “I really am thankful, Charles.”

“I knew that you were the moment I saw the look in your eyes when you turned and saw Fia standing next to Beryl.”  Charles pulled her a bit closer.  “Though I enjoyed the way you showed me your thanks.”

“I enjoyed it myself,” she pressed a kiss to his chest.  Sighing after a few moments of silence, Elsie took his hand and held it.  “No more secrets to haunt us.”

“No more,” he agreed.

“And nothing to keep us from spending our lives doing what we want.”  Elsie looked up at him.  “You don’t miss service, do you?”

“Not in the slightest, Elsie.  I’ve you here beside me.  We’ve the shop and our little family.”  He shrugged.  “I don’t miss the early mornings and the late nights.  And I most definitely don’t miss having my time dictated by someone else.  Now my time is my own and if I want to spend it with my wife while someone else watches the shop, I can.”

“I feel the same.  I enjoy my freedom and I enjoy watching you being just Charles.  I’d missed him.”

“I missed him, too.  He got lost along with everything else.”  Smiling tenderly when Elsie looked up at him, Charles caressed the hair from her face.  “I had to bury him to get on with my life because he only knew how to exist with you by his side.”

“I’m here now.  And Elsie only knew how to exist with Charles by her side.  She got lost in Mrs. Hughes, the Scottish Dragon.”

“But she’s Mrs. Carson now, no more dragon.”  He winked.  “Well, unless a situation calls for it.”

“Like dealing with Charlie’s parents.”  Elsie growled.

“It doesn’t hurt anymore, does it?”

“The dragon bit?” she asked, continuing when he nodded.  “No.  Not anymore.  I’m not her anymore.  At least not all the time.  I’m not being used to scare people into behaving because no one else can.  I’m loved, and appreciated, and taken care of.  If I happen to need to use the dragon, well it’s my choice now.”

“I love you, Elsie Carson.”  Charles told her before leaning over to turn off the lamp.

Elsie settled into the crook of his body as Charles spooned against her.  Cradling his hand against her breast, she smiled as her eyes drifted closed.  “I love you, Charles Carson.  I’ve always loved you.”


End file.
